Sometimes a smile is all you get

Yesterday I was wandering through Terminal F of the Philadelphia International
Airport trying to kill my 3 hour wait time for my transfer flight back to T.O.
As I was wandering I was noticing that there were quite a few good looking fellows walking around that airport as well. Who knows - must be my fixation with PA or the fact I was coming from Orlando Airport - full of families and children.
As I was walking down one section - I noticed a very handsome Yum of a man walking toward me going the opposite way.
Lets listen to what I was saying in my head shall we?
Ok Ok dont stare or glare, look away, now casually glance back, .... whoa niiiiiice, 1 second only, Ok look away again, hey wait a minute - was he looking at me too or just glancing my way by accident? Naw couldnt be. He is in a nice suit, I am in my jeans and hoodie. Ok descretely check him out again - one second glance, then look away again - hey he is looking back at me. Humm. I'd say late 20s or early 30s. Niiiice. Ok he passed. Im not going to turn and look past my peripheral vision. (This all took a matter of seconds btw)

Wow that was one piece of eye candy. Black suit, (or was it dark navy?) and blue button down, crisp collar shirt, tall, short hair and brown eyes. No ring. And he doesnt look like he swings the other way. Good stuff all around. It was Sunday - was he coming back from Church? Or leaving a business or professional conference? Or probably someone's Saturday night male escort?

Anyhow that moment came and went and I forgot about it. I looked at the time - I knew my flight was at 1pm. I walked back in the direction I came and checked my boarding pass. Boarding time 12:25?! what the?! - Just then when I had the 'What the?!' face on, it changed to a 'oh hey now' kinda face - cause it was Brown eyes again! He comes right out of the washroom directly in front of me - wowza. He was just a few metres in front of me - looking directly at me. He continued walking to pass me and was looking at me still. And me - looking at him. Was he looking at me or looking at me look at him or vice versa? hahaha. Seriously - it seemed all slow- mo from there. At that point it would be rude to just look away (ha - us Torontonians are used to being that way), so I gave him a nice smile (Unusual for this here T.O gal) He gave me a warm smile back. We continued to look at each other smiling for a total of - 2 seconds more then we continued on to what we were doing.

I make my way to my gate and have a seat. Brown eyes man is no where to be seen. Oh well - I thought - thats how it goes in airports people coming and going. I check the time and ponder if I should whip out my bagel and cream cheese and start munching away like the hungry pig that I am. Just then who comes walking toward the gate? Brown eyes. Gah! He is going to T.O too!
Thing is, this time he sees me and does what all us in T.O do - the usual. Takes a glance, then looks forward and walks to his seat, as if we didnt smile at each other a few minutes ago. Here, it seems the familiar are quick to be strangers again when out of context - if there is any context to be made.

My seat was no where near his on the plane. Then a buncha other ppl from some cancelled flight came in to fill up every seat so we were set in our places.

The end.

Anti-climactic yes? yes.

You see, in the movies (or in my head) I would luck out and would have been booked to sit right beside him. And he wouldnt of had that T.O 2nd reaction. I would have commented on the book he was reading and he would have commented on the book I was reading. Then at the end of that hour flight we would have enjoyed each others company so much and exchanged numbers.
Then I would say, 'the end'. (with a 'happily ever after' of course - since I was coming from Orlando)

But nooooooo, the story goes: they smile at each other, the end.
Nothing else but a smile. The end.
And that is all you are given. Even though we lucked out enough to be in the same city at the moment, on the same flight and going to the same city, but still -
The end.

Yes long story for such and anti-climactic ending.

So Mr. Brown eyes on flight 4010 US Airways, gate F26 thanks for the smile even though that is all we were given....

"Everybody Wang Chung tonight.."

ha I think I am showing my age :P

Actually, it is Wing Chun.
Some self defence thing I just started tonight. Yes - Im too lazy to actually take the real Karate stuff - or maybe it is called being impatient? I have tried Wen-do, Aikido and now this. Its just an 8 session class.
Its different - cant quite make out if it is for me or not.
Im a wuss, I cannot get too injured, especially my hands - need them for work. So just show me the moves to kill and Im good to go - haha kidding kidding. I dont want to kill anyone. Or any guy for that matter............... yet.........kidding again..... really I am.

Anyhoo, its a combat system developed by Monks long ago, that is based on the "Conservation of Energy" idea. (Gah wish it could train my mind to stop over thinking - that is where I expend most my energy). I'm excited!
That is the good part.
Now the bad parts.
So we were going over deep breathing techniques. The instructor had to show me how to - cause he was going around correcting everyone in the class. Gah I almost died! How can I deep breathe when he has bad breath?! Thats enough of a combat technique to have me pass out! Then when he talks he foams at the sides of his mouth. Gah! I gotta bear with this - look away look away and ask questions from afar.

Ok where was I and why am I posting this here.... Oh yes the class - quite small I must say. How embarrassing. (some didnt show up) But I guess I would learn better I think? 3 gals and 2 guys. - HA! ratio thing again. One guy is older - like say 55? and the other young guy- (younger guy as in my age) - well he is married. And the gals - we are young - I think I may be in the middle age. One is engaged and the other - I duno if she has a bf but shes not married.

And that is why - when they say you have to get out there and do things to meet guys - you have to join things you actually really like to join (I do like self defence classes) and not join only to meet men - cause if you join things only to meet men - you will be saddly disappointed and down a few $$.

And if you think this class is bad - as far as potentials, I wont even mention my squash league - yeah a whole freakin league!

But luckily I enjoy these both very much, and I cannot wait to do more this year! Hopefully, something has gotta give. C'mon - please?!!? If not Ima use what I learned and kick some .....!

Lazy Mushy Post

Warning - Im in a mood. Mushy mood. I was listening to an old CD today and heard a song I know the words to but just today I saw it differently....


Push

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
Youve seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

Chorus
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
Youre the one true thing I know I can believe in
Youre all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
Youre the one true thing I know I can believe

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do cause youre too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far youll go
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

Chorus

There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise Id drown
But you pick me up & brush me off and tell me Im OK
sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day

Chorus
- Sarah Mclachlan

Quote from a friend....

Was talking with a friend tonight about recent happenings and relations......

She mentioned a quote from a poster she has in her room.
I dont think I can remember the exact words, but I will take a stab at it.......

"They hurt you once, Shame on them.
They hurt you twice, Shame on you."
(thanks L! :) )

Knowing is an interesting thing. I guess sometimes we cant all live things by theory. Sometimes we have to go through the hurt ourselves to learn it.

What does love mean?

.... An email that I recieved the other day........


A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,

"What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

(We need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5


"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4


"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a
contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly
gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard,
climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Hyper

Okay, my co-worker called me early this morning to say he was sick.
That means - maybe I may get some of his straggler patients wandering in and I may have to see them if need be and if I have the time.
So from 7:30 am I've been on adrenaline.

Been licking my wounds this week - can you believe I actually felt hurt by that "Bad" guy?! Gah! Yeah I can kick myself. I preech about not falling prey to "just LOOKS - no substance there" and the fact I KNEW it going into it that he wasnt too into me - I just wanted to have alittle fun. I mean, I knew he wasnt "future" material. So I wasnt puttin my eggs in his basket. But I guess its a pride thing. Maybe even a "just for the chase" thing. Nothing of any substance. So I got "I think you are gorgeous, I want to go out with you again" to "I think I will be busy for the next couple of weeks" (ie. rest of my life) from one day to the next with not much contact inbetween - Yeah he's probably gettin' some from some skank from the ski trip. I think I could have accepted that answer more better than the former. Honesty is my policy.
Guys - Please - have the balls enough to SAY WHAT YOU FEEL AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.
Nuff said.

So yes been dealing with the round about "why?" questions in my head - cause that is what I do - over think things. But as a friend said "ya just gotta let it go" - and another friend said "he doesnt deserve to have you even think of him this much". I agree - expending too much wasted energy at the moment.

One thing I can say: Its good to have friends to talk things out with - from sister in laws to anyone that will listen - no matter how idiotic I sound and ones that can take you out in the middle of the week for 2 Long Islands and an Apple Martini. (Ty R!) Slowly Im gettin my Mojo back and I actually feel so hyper I want to go on some mad dating rampage spree at the moment. Its good to re-affirm why it is that I preech what I do and actually learn it myself even if it means getting alittle injured in the process. Being Emo is all good, makes me know Im alive. And it definately makes me more sypathetic to the guys I turn down. "Worst thing you can do is Lead a person on"

Thing with being injured in the game of flirtations and the sexes is that I tend to "generalize" statements after. Which is not a good thing. Which also leads me to have "issues" (yeah well tell me someone who doesnt have issues?). I guess I should take it as: that is how that type of person is - dont take it personally cause we dont all have to match each other, listen to my gut feeling, dont be swayed by the sexy eye candy before me, or swayed by my raging hormones and his empty compliments.

BUT so I really shouldnt generalize and say that I will never believe a "salesman/sales rep" nor a guy that hides behind his "passion of cycling" when in reality, he just simply enjoys shaving his legs and wearing spandex and riding so close to other men that do the same. Ya. I wont think that. Really I wont. But it makes me feel better at the moment so I will.

Belated Happy New Year!

Wishing you all a Happy New Year!!!

As for me well, I am finally on the mend. I think.
Been sick with some cold virus/sore throat thingy since Boxing day.
No fun. No fun at all.

It was worse than it sounds. Throat swelling, no sleep, hacking cough, bloody phlegm, ears sore, head ache, stiff neck, eyes tearing, nose running, sinus congestion.

So that means I began the year cancelling most of my work days - And that means I am that much behind - a whole weeks worth of patients. It means I missed out on the New Years Celebration I planned to attend. Was home alone, in bed before 12. And I cancelled some meetings with old friends - who actually wanted to set me up with a friend of her husband! And I missed out on other outings with my cousin and my little nephew - who enjoyed skating this holiday break. I also had to cancel on meeting up with some old friends who I lost touch with for abit.

Yep. I was home (apart from the 2 doctors appointments I went to) since the 27th of December. So much for my social calender huh?

I also planned to attend some speed dating thing (yea I duno if it is good just needed to get out there) but since I am backed up with work I dont think it would be nice of me to skip off early for that event.

Wow. Way to kill my mojo. Damn F-ing Cold Virus!

Oh and to top it off I have a stinkin feeling that that is the end of the other date I had too. You know, with the "bad" guy. Probably found some snow buni during his ski trip to Montreal. Go figure.

Someone and the powers that be are all telling me something dont you think?
Stay single - stay single. I guess me finding someone would cause some wicked imbalance in this world causing chaos on all sides of the earth and producing mass confusion and hysteria in the minds of all human kind.

So fine. *Looks to the sky* I get it okay. Single is me. Single I am. Sheesh.

%*%$&*&^(**)&$#&%^%^!!!!!!