Be aggressive, dont be too aggressive ......

- do this dont do that.....

*Sigh*

Dear David,

Why must life be Oh so complicated?!

Double Dipping

Since I was on the subject of Married men in my last post.....
I'm going to fish out a post from my drafts :
.......................

(Feb 6/07):

I was contemplating joining the gym in my area instead of paying a chunk load just for the squash league. I had a few visits to the front desk with a few different people. There is this one man in particular that sticks in my head. I dont want to seem fulla myself or have such an inflated head - but a gal kinda knows when a simple look is beyond a simple look. There is the smile to it - but "interested smile" and somewhat of a smirk, that they cannot get rid of no matter how much they try to be serious when explaining the details of the membership costs to you. And there is also the fact that I only met him once to sign in my name in passing and quite a few weeks later and no other encounters, he knows my name without me having to give my card. With all the traffic that gym sees, maybe he just has an amazing memory. He too has a gold ring on his wedding ring finger.


Those with a blog and those attached to their pc's know how addicting chatting by IM can be. I met a person once in IM (not in person). It was back in '04 when I was addicted. (hehe - admitting your addiction is half the battle - I digress) He stood out for a number of reasons, some of which are his intellect, his genuine interest in me as a person, his thoughtfulness, his personality, his attentiveness, his humor, the things we had in common and that he was a good listener. He was married. I found this out early on, but only after his personality had already intrigued me. I continued talking to him abit - more so about his family and his wife. He seemed to be troubled - despite how highly successful he was. I was trying to get him to realize why he fell in love with his wife in the first place. Maybe I was just too optimistic and blindly believed that I could actually patch up the rough spots in his marriage. He told me of a "friend" he was getting to know in his city that he was contemplating having an affair with. I told him how that hurt to hear that, how disheartened I was and discouraged - especially with the stupid ideals I had about wanting to be married myself and finding "the one" and how he supposedly had that already and was about to throw that all away! Something a single - somewhat hopeful person would not understand I guess. I didnt understand how someone could not talk to his own wife about his problems. How someone that is supposed to be your best friend as well as lover would not try to understand when you confide in them.
Despite our interesting talks - we lost touch. And that is a good thing. I would like to assume it was because he realized that talking to his own wife about his issues was what he needed to do, instead of telling me all this. I would like to think that that happened and that he is finally happy.

I remember back in the day, when I had a crush on Beef boy. A few months after I got over it he started talking about his gf. (who knew?) But he was talking crap about her. Oh lovely. I would say hello to her as she came into the school and ring up his office to let him know she was in and I would hear discouraged groans on the other end. He would tell me and all the rest of the staff how "crazy" she was and all the psycho things she did that made him miserable. Of course he said this to us to again support for team-beef-boy. But it didnt sway me. It only confirmed my decision that getting over him was the best thing I could have done.

I look around and wonder why it is that many married/ attached men (or married/attached women) are the ones that seem more active in finding someone else? Or connecting with someone else? A friend said today - why couldnt that attention come from a single guy instead of a married one?
I asked - is marriage that boring?! If so, why are many of us single people striving to find that or find our "life partner". The grass is always greener I suppose. It almost (I stress the word - almost) seems as though many of those attached-eye-wanderers are the ones looking to play around or have their cake and eat it too - than the singletons. I could be wrong in many ways of course. Its like they want to tap into "fresh meat" (singletons) while they have their own meat at home to have. Greedy? Maybe its partly that too.

But really I call them: Double dippers.
They have their chip, use the dip, and then turn around and use that same chip to help themselves to more dip! When others are standing there, chip in hand, ready for dip - but it ends up being spoiled and F-ed up cause someone F-ed it over. Ya know what you are left with dont ya? Thats alot of spoiled dip and alot of hungry party goers who end up drinkin themselves silly and having to nibble on the dry chips or even plain veggies, wondering where all the good dip has gone.

Or maybe it can be simply that they made a mistake. They are second guessing their decision. I can understand that........ when it comes to buying shoes or a top that doesnt look right with the rest of my wardrobe.
But to them I say:
Tough Lucky Buddy! Made your bed now lay in it!
Sheesh!
People cannot be compared to shopping (as I questioned before)
Once you made your decision, take the responsibility and respect that and the person you chose.

Hah! Maybe I am too naive and too harsh. Heaven forbid this happen to me. But still from what I have seen lately - its not right.
If you want to "change your mind" or you are not happy, do everyone a favor and let go of the one you are with, so both of you can move on. This can hold true not only for the marrieds but also for the takens (ppl in relationships). No overlapping ppl, no double dipping. It spoils the dip for everyone else.

Did I just save myself from looking like a fool?

Or am I a fool?

Probably the later. I hope the former. Cause things happen for a reason .... right?Right!?
Gah! I am so frustrated with myself! (yet again)

So tonight was my last class of Wing Chun.
I decided about a week ago that - despite my interest in this form of martial arts - I am not signing up for the next class. Not this spring anyways.
Why ? Mostly due to the instructors (- seriously, is Halitosis contagious? or another form of self defence? gez) And partly due to the fact my only good free rest night is Wednesday night - which staff parties and Rib night are usually reserved for (now watch - the rest of my Wednesday nights will remain free).
Well I found the instructors to favor a particular girl in the class and it wasnt me. Thats fine - despite my jealous tendencies. But the last 2 classes I found them to be quite condescending to ME. Things like "oh well you cannot master this move so its best you just dont use it at all" (I only practiced it for 5 min) Or, waving his hand in front of my face, pointing me out and saying "helllooo hellooo do you understand what I just said?" Or maybe I am just being too sensitive. Whatever the case is - I may need to take a break and he needs to take a breath mint - or at least brush his teeth before class! Blegh!

But my frustration comes with me not saying something where - maybe - just maybe - something could / should have been said. No, not with my instructors. But this guy in my class. Actually, I believe I labelled him as "the married guy" in my last post about this class.
Ya married. And NO. - I dont go for taken men.
Thing is he has been wearing this gold ring on his wedding ring finger so I figured he was married. End of story right? I saw it a few times then never checked again after that.
Average guy. Average looking. Actually very nice, easy going, kind smile, welcoming, friendly, good humoured. (ya - I hear the "uh ohs")
Oh ya and did I mention thoughtful? He actually burned a CD for me that the instructor lent out to the students in the 2nd and 3rd classes but I missed those classes. He didnt even know if I was coming back to the class or had dropped out. Nice huh?
Oh yeah back to the ring thing. So he seemed like this average guy, who I figured was married so I didnt think much of him. Until he started to remind me of this guy I know. This guy I know who I am attracted to alot and think very highly of.
Gah! This link. Stupid link. All it takes is that simple link and then he starts to look more attractive to me.
So I force my mind to leave it at that. But I kept hearing this voice saying - shucks - why do the nice guys have to be taken?! Why couldnt this guy be unattached? Why? Maybe the ring was nothing - you know - like some weird looking school ring or something. Or maybe he is of a nationality where the "wedding ring finger" is on the right hand instead of left? He never even mentioned his other half - like the others did, even about Valentines day - he said he was working late that night. Maybe he doesnt know any better about what ring to wear on what finger? Maybe? Please? A tiny chance of? Nah, didnt think so.

Soooooz tonight I notice that he wasnt wearing his ring. Nada.
How long has this been happening?
Hummm? Ok stop thinking 'hummm'! No No he is married. Married. Maybe he just took it off since we have to wear hand wraps and that would be uncomfortable when punching? But we arent punching today - just going over the Kata/ forms...? I was confused.
Maybe I was confused because I was hoping he wasnt married.

So I was talking to him at the beginning of the class and he asked if I was going to join the next class.
"No it doesnt really go with my schedule - I have missed alot of classes already. How about you?"
Yeah he is joining the next class and we continue on with the small talk about other schools that teach Wing Chun - blah blah blah. Then the instructors come in to begin class and mess up my convo with him.

Class was uneventful. It ended and the next one starts next week. I said my goodbyes and left the class after he did. He was walking in front of me and was already at his car when I got out of the building. The end.
Then as I got into my car I had the realization of the whole finality of it all. So I had this opportunity to meet this nice person and that is that. Finito. Did I use that opportunity well? Was there supposed to be more? I got overwhelmed with a feeling of loss. Loss that I could have - AT LEAST - said something to clear up my confusion. I had nothing to lose right?

Driving home I thought that I could have at least said "So is your wife joining you in the next class?"

Wow talk about delayed reaction. I always think of what to say only after the fact.

Am I a fool for not saying something? Or did I save myself from making a fool of myself?
Do I kick myself for another opportunity lost?

Well, its over with. So I'm just going to try to push this frustration aside and go with my first assumption. He is married. And he is a nice guy. And its really good the class is over. Especially since he is married..... right?!

Time for a change

"Where are all the good single men? No, not the moma's boy with a jellyfish back bone, not the "I'm really in the closet and afraid to come out" guy, not the commitment Phobic who really wants to leave his options open, and not the "I need a woman to support me" kind of guy either. Simple question but there is no answer......"


So this is what has been the intro to this singles blog since the beginning of time.... Can you believe I only had only a handful of guys attempt to answer this question via email? Some who wanted to be my friend, some who wanted to learn the English language from me (haha - stop laughing - grammar is so not my fortay) but a couple of answers that stuck - things we kinda already know but it is just confirmed when actually written to me....

1)Hi there, came across your blog, read your description, and just wanted to quickly give you a simple answer. They're shy. Many (not all) of the good single men are just very shy. Not spineless, just shy, so you never really get to met them. Doesn't help you much I realize, but just thought I'd let you know. - Tim

2)I think it's geographically messed up so moving to a better area will give you better results. -Benjamin

Well lets start with #2. Sometimes it is true. He lives in Silicone Valley and there are apparently more men than women there. So his selection of women are filled with the "snotty type" since these gals have their pickins. He found his gal in another city. I agree with this in the sense that it has to do with the ratio imbalance I alluded to along time ago. ie: More men than women = women have their pick, so most likely they dont always treat the men so nice. More women than men = the men have their pick so the crop of men available arent always behaving at their best - they dont need to. (These are big/ though valid generalizations - so dont harp on me - not all people are like this)
A glance over stats Canada said that there are more men than women in ------- city and -----city. So I think if times become desperate Ima fly my ass up there :) Oh and by the way, you didnt think I would actually name off those cities did you?! In a ratio imbalanced world - Its every single gal for her self! haha.

Okies on to #1 - cause this is my biggest beef. Fine Tim, they are shy. I get it. And I have seen it. And NO - this absolutely doesnt help me. Me - being shy myself. Yay. So we sit in our silences waiting till we grow grey hairs before someone makes the first move, and by then it would probably mean someone finally saying "Hey, can you pass the Polident" .

Gah! To those shy but NICE guys - I may even have seen a glimpse of you - a'la loch ness monster- in the corner of the bar for a split second - I say to them - GET UP OFF YOUR ASSES AND COME OVER ! Be the MAN dude. Be the Man! That is why some shy nice guys end up with women that whop their asses. Dont cry to me when your Norbit's Gal comes beating you up for looking my way. Ya should have done something when you had the chance buddy, you should have. How does it help us nice people to procreate nice kids and spread all our niceness when you sit at home or in the corner of the bar and joke with your guy friends and do not leave your comfortable shell? Some nice guys complain about how gals are mean and turn guys down all the time and thus they dont want to expose themselves to such harsh behavior. Well, have you thought that the reason our defences are always up is because we are sick and tired fending off the obnoxious greaseballs you have left us with?! Of course 'nice guys will finish last' if ya just sit there and not speak up for yourself!

Here is my agreement. I will give you the eye contact when I see you - dont you turn your head away from me - this is a feat in itself for me. Then I will also give you a smile. And when I smile at you - dont sit there confused and content with just that. I will spell it out for you : that is sign-launguage for the go-ahead. Now with all that - which is an effort in itself for a shy gal like me, I would want you to make the first move. Say hello, start up a normal conversation, no lines, just be you meeting me. Yes you! You First. Not me first. You! Call me old fashioned. But for some strange reason, I believe that if I were to make the first move, then I would have to do the first everything. And by first everything - I mean : I would have to decide if we should go on a date, then I would have to ask for your number, then I would have to decide when, and then I alone would have to decide where to go, then I would have to pick you up, then I would have to drive you home, then I would have to initiate the first kiss, then I would have to change your friggin diapers - sheesh ..... and so on and so on. Then that would mean that I would be wearing the pants in this relationship and this would mean I would have bigger balls than you. I would be more manly than you. And frankly, I dont want a girly man. Not only does it make us the man, it also can make us the "aggressor, the stalkerish psycho gal, or the desperate easy gal". What ever happened to the Gentlemen? To Chivalry?

So to rehash - I will give you the signal, you speak up first, then I will reciprocate back - and I will be friendly, though shy, and maybe reserved at first (because I will be figuring out if you are the greaseball or the shy nice guy). But your kind, honest personality will shine though, and same with your hidden cuteness - and it will be a wonderful balanced relationship - where we share in our equal awesome wonderfulness and where you wear your pants and be the man and I wear my sexy jeans and feel like a gal. We wear them only until neccessary of course. ahem.

So seriously, to the Nice 'manly' single guys that I am looking for: take off that girly dress, stop staying at home watching 24, or the game or hibernating at a sports bar or playing hockey and going straight home, or waiting around to hang out with your married friends or getting lost in the green at a deserted golf course get up off your ass and LOOK FOR ME! For crying out loud I am trying to get out there and look for you - dont make me do all the work. Re-claim your manhood.

I think I will need to change my intro. Since it is quite out dated for how I feel..... gotta think of something soon......

What am I Reading?

Humm I just been tagged by...... a man - a virgin man at that too! I'll take it! How fitting - since this. is. my first. tag. be gentle. haha :-P

Anyways - what am I reading ..... well cant you tell by my grammar? I dont read.
Actually - I'm reading one of them Oprah list books - its a thin book, a self help book of course - and I am taking my good ol' time getting through it..
Its called The Four Agreements - by Don Miguel Ruiz - the beginning was alittle out there and confusing but now that I have started reading about the actual agreements - its getting pretty good. I'm just on the "be impecable with your word" agreement - pretty interesting what he says about gossip. Sometimes we dont even know we are spreading it. And its interesting how he explains that what we say always reflects itself on us in the end. I guess he explains things we already know - but it helps to hear it again and explained so well by someone else.

Yes - there are many books that I have started and have not got around to finishing yet either....
-The automatic billionare - David Bach (thanks to my bank lady)
-some old Tax book - Tim Crestnick
-Confessions of a Shopaholic - Sophie Kinsella - cant seem to get into this

Though my favorite book of all time - one that I really love reading over and over - especially when making life decisions is The Alchemist - by Paulo Coehlo

And that's about it. Now I have to tag a few people myself.....

teahouse

anny

stucky

knitgirl

Im not into Country

But for some reason I have been posting a couple of mushy songs that are. I was talking to a friend of mine from KY last night. I was listening to her playlist - which of course had alot of country in it. I saw a couple of CD covers as well. Humph. Some of them boys are kinda cute! Wouldnt it be so funny if this asian gal went country ......
Anyhow, another mushy song whose words I like are posted here.


listen to Rascal Flatts - Bless the Broken Road

Pretty hopeful - despite all my rants on this blog.