Lovely. Just effin Lovely.

Well despite my introspective analyzing as to Why oh Why am I single (trying not to put the blame elsewhere) and my simple simple question as to where are all the good men.....

I bring you this.......

Its just a thought, but somehow I feel like I am swimming upstream.

Time for a change

"Where are all the good single men? No, not the moma's boy with a jellyfish back bone, not the "I'm really in the closet and afraid to come out" guy, not the commitment Phobic who really wants to leave his options open, and not the "I need a woman to support me" kind of guy either. Simple question but there is no answer......"


So this is what has been the intro to this singles blog since the beginning of time.... Can you believe I only had only a handful of guys attempt to answer this question via email? Some who wanted to be my friend, some who wanted to learn the English language from me (haha - stop laughing - grammar is so not my fortay) but a couple of answers that stuck - things we kinda already know but it is just confirmed when actually written to me....

1)Hi there, came across your blog, read your description, and just wanted to quickly give you a simple answer. They're shy. Many (not all) of the good single men are just very shy. Not spineless, just shy, so you never really get to met them. Doesn't help you much I realize, but just thought I'd let you know. - Tim

2)I think it's geographically messed up so moving to a better area will give you better results. -Benjamin

Well lets start with #2. Sometimes it is true. He lives in Silicone Valley and there are apparently more men than women there. So his selection of women are filled with the "snotty type" since these gals have their pickins. He found his gal in another city. I agree with this in the sense that it has to do with the ratio imbalance I alluded to along time ago. ie: More men than women = women have their pick, so most likely they dont always treat the men so nice. More women than men = the men have their pick so the crop of men available arent always behaving at their best - they dont need to. (These are big/ though valid generalizations - so dont harp on me - not all people are like this)
A glance over stats Canada said that there are more men than women in ------- city and -----city. So I think if times become desperate Ima fly my ass up there :) Oh and by the way, you didnt think I would actually name off those cities did you?! In a ratio imbalanced world - Its every single gal for her self! haha.

Okies on to #1 - cause this is my biggest beef. Fine Tim, they are shy. I get it. And I have seen it. And NO - this absolutely doesnt help me. Me - being shy myself. Yay. So we sit in our silences waiting till we grow grey hairs before someone makes the first move, and by then it would probably mean someone finally saying "Hey, can you pass the Polident" .

Gah! To those shy but NICE guys - I may even have seen a glimpse of you - a'la loch ness monster- in the corner of the bar for a split second - I say to them - GET UP OFF YOUR ASSES AND COME OVER ! Be the MAN dude. Be the Man! That is why some shy nice guys end up with women that whop their asses. Dont cry to me when your Norbit's Gal comes beating you up for looking my way. Ya should have done something when you had the chance buddy, you should have. How does it help us nice people to procreate nice kids and spread all our niceness when you sit at home or in the corner of the bar and joke with your guy friends and do not leave your comfortable shell? Some nice guys complain about how gals are mean and turn guys down all the time and thus they dont want to expose themselves to such harsh behavior. Well, have you thought that the reason our defences are always up is because we are sick and tired fending off the obnoxious greaseballs you have left us with?! Of course 'nice guys will finish last' if ya just sit there and not speak up for yourself!

Here is my agreement. I will give you the eye contact when I see you - dont you turn your head away from me - this is a feat in itself for me. Then I will also give you a smile. And when I smile at you - dont sit there confused and content with just that. I will spell it out for you : that is sign-launguage for the go-ahead. Now with all that - which is an effort in itself for a shy gal like me, I would want you to make the first move. Say hello, start up a normal conversation, no lines, just be you meeting me. Yes you! You First. Not me first. You! Call me old fashioned. But for some strange reason, I believe that if I were to make the first move, then I would have to do the first everything. And by first everything - I mean : I would have to decide if we should go on a date, then I would have to ask for your number, then I would have to decide when, and then I alone would have to decide where to go, then I would have to pick you up, then I would have to drive you home, then I would have to initiate the first kiss, then I would have to change your friggin diapers - sheesh ..... and so on and so on. Then that would mean that I would be wearing the pants in this relationship and this would mean I would have bigger balls than you. I would be more manly than you. And frankly, I dont want a girly man. Not only does it make us the man, it also can make us the "aggressor, the stalkerish psycho gal, or the desperate easy gal". What ever happened to the Gentlemen? To Chivalry?

So to rehash - I will give you the signal, you speak up first, then I will reciprocate back - and I will be friendly, though shy, and maybe reserved at first (because I will be figuring out if you are the greaseball or the shy nice guy). But your kind, honest personality will shine though, and same with your hidden cuteness - and it will be a wonderful balanced relationship - where we share in our equal awesome wonderfulness and where you wear your pants and be the man and I wear my sexy jeans and feel like a gal. We wear them only until neccessary of course. ahem.

So seriously, to the Nice 'manly' single guys that I am looking for: take off that girly dress, stop staying at home watching 24, or the game or hibernating at a sports bar or playing hockey and going straight home, or waiting around to hang out with your married friends or getting lost in the green at a deserted golf course get up off your ass and LOOK FOR ME! For crying out loud I am trying to get out there and look for you - dont make me do all the work. Re-claim your manhood.

I think I will need to change my intro. Since it is quite out dated for how I feel..... gotta think of something soon......

"Everybody Wang Chung tonight.."

ha I think I am showing my age :P

Actually, it is Wing Chun.
Some self defence thing I just started tonight. Yes - Im too lazy to actually take the real Karate stuff - or maybe it is called being impatient? I have tried Wen-do, Aikido and now this. Its just an 8 session class.
Its different - cant quite make out if it is for me or not.
Im a wuss, I cannot get too injured, especially my hands - need them for work. So just show me the moves to kill and Im good to go - haha kidding kidding. I dont want to kill anyone. Or any guy for that matter............... yet.........kidding again..... really I am.

Anyhoo, its a combat system developed by Monks long ago, that is based on the "Conservation of Energy" idea. (Gah wish it could train my mind to stop over thinking - that is where I expend most my energy). I'm excited!
That is the good part.
Now the bad parts.
So we were going over deep breathing techniques. The instructor had to show me how to - cause he was going around correcting everyone in the class. Gah I almost died! How can I deep breathe when he has bad breath?! Thats enough of a combat technique to have me pass out! Then when he talks he foams at the sides of his mouth. Gah! I gotta bear with this - look away look away and ask questions from afar.

Ok where was I and why am I posting this here.... Oh yes the class - quite small I must say. How embarrassing. (some didnt show up) But I guess I would learn better I think? 3 gals and 2 guys. - HA! ratio thing again. One guy is older - like say 55? and the other young guy- (younger guy as in my age) - well he is married. And the gals - we are young - I think I may be in the middle age. One is engaged and the other - I duno if she has a bf but shes not married.

And that is why - when they say you have to get out there and do things to meet guys - you have to join things you actually really like to join (I do like self defence classes) and not join only to meet men - cause if you join things only to meet men - you will be saddly disappointed and down a few $$.

And if you think this class is bad - as far as potentials, I wont even mention my squash league - yeah a whole freakin league!

But luckily I enjoy these both very much, and I cannot wait to do more this year! Hopefully, something has gotta give. C'mon - please?!!? If not Ima use what I learned and kick some .....!

Species and fidelity......

Weekend mornings I still have an alarm to get me up. Naturally I wake around 6:30 due to the habit of the normal weekday alarm, but I plonk back to sleep until my alarm goes off at around 10 am on weekends. This is weird, I know but it is just to make sure I dont sleep till 1 pm - which has happened before - then my whole sleep time is thrown off....
blah blah blah

This am, the alarm went off at 10 to the sound of the radio DJ giving out meaningless 'facts' between songs. I dont know what the topic was this morning, but this is what I caught:

Reasons why ppl cheat:
"Women cheat because they want reassurance that they are still desirable"
"Men cheat because they want more sex and more variety"

Yes - sad stuff to hear on a Sunday morning.....


In BIO101 @ UofT they talked about different species and their mating habits:
They explained that among certain species, the male tends to stray and among other certain species the female tends to stray.. ...I'm just not sure which is which, birds, fish etc (grrr at my memory). I think it all came down to the ratio of males to females in a given species and the reproduction rate of that species. So.... If we look at the ratio of males to females in humans...haha... ok ok I wont go there (again hehe).

I remember one time a friend of mine told me that among the different species .... "Foxes are mates for LIFE" Even when one is injured the other takes its body and brings it to a safe place and doesnt leave it until it passes away. Then it buries its body and never has another mate for the rest of its life.
Awww isnt that sweet? :)

pic from here

What? What did you say???

Gah! Yes ,clubs are soo not for me! That is why I havent been to one in a long while.
Im typing deaf right now. Thank goodness this is not a voice blog or I would be screaming this post!
Went to a club tonight. Ya wierd - a Wednesday night.
Good times though.
Why?
Men. And lots of them! Big burly men too -firefighter type hehe.
Eye candy always helps.
Its always sad to go to a club or bar or lounge or even singles event and be bombarded by - women. There is just too many of us! Just ask all my gfs!
So for once in a long long while I have actually gone to a club packed full of men! So - even though I dont really like clubs and I sacraficed one of my five senses it was somewhat worth the treck out tonight.
I mean - I know full well this is not a place to meet a good guy. But it was none the less a good place to just have fun. And maybe practicing that whole singles game as well.
Its funny to see how ppl interact with others - people watch.
Oh and, for the likes of me, I have NO idea why some men find that grinding up against a gal in a club is a turn on? And why do they persist when you make it known that you dont want to? Or those ones that stare.... no I mean GLARE at you as if they are Hoodini trying to put you under their trance - eyes Bugging out of their head? Ick - talk about heebie jeebies! Maybe it is simply easier to be so creepy than to actually speak? Really, no grinding (perverts!) and if you are shy and you like a gal - glance, dont glare - do a double take and make sure she sees, and... smile.... if she does the same then your in the game. My gfs and I talk about being aware of our "piss-off jerk" look or our "F-off face" - we have to look more approachable - and I think we are somewhat for the most part - but with those guys that ruin it for the rest of them (as mentioned above) ya wonder why we have those faces?
Ah practice.

And one thing is - why does it have to be sooo incredibly LOUD? Am I just getting old or the decibles getting higher? I think in this particular place the music was just louder than normal! If ppl are supposed to mingle then whats the point if you cant hear a thing they say? I went to the washroom and the gals were talking and all I could make out was "muar muar muar la la la muuuuar mmmuuuarr la la la " Ya - I must be getting older and deaf.

Oh note: When my senior patients are hard of hearing, the proper way to talk to them is not LOUDER - but in a LOWER tone of voice. If ever you are in one of these situations or if you see me on the street - this is how to talk to me hehe.

Anyhow - I just needed to post the fact that the ratio of men to women was great tonight - very rare indeed. Hurrah - it was not a female fest!
Really - single men out there - there are more women out there for ya - so stop hiding!!!
-----------------------------------------------------

My mother, who was watching Dr. Phil the other day, said to me this past week , "you know, they say there are more single women now a days"
I looked at her and said "UH. Yeah, I could have told them that!!? - Just take a look at Stats. Canada - there are more women in the world than men, period - unless you are in Alberta or Whistler B.C, probably cause of the harsh weather and Oil Riggs."
She then said I should find an Oil Rigg man ........ Hummmmmm thats a thought..... ;)

New Years! to be or not to be ... single?!

Ah my friends and I never learn hehe.
We went to a singles party last night for New Years.
We thought : hey it should be better than the bars or night clubs with the smoochie couples, and at least we will be surrounded by people just like us - single.

RIIIIIght!
Honestly, I am coming to believe that there are alot of sick ppl out there that prey on singles. They hold events or create dating sites, claiming to have the skill to match you perfectly to your significant other. I realize now that they are just as lost as the average single person in finding the right one...... but in their case - they make $$$ off of us. Gasp! How insensitve! Playing with ppls emotions like that!
When it comes down to it, its up to the single person themselves to find their significant other... in todays society we are too busy to do this and would rather have some other kind of element do the work for us, and we pay them to do this. GAH! I realize I got suckered into this too!

Maybe the reason there are so many singles out there is that we isolate ourselves in todays society. Heck, we dont even talk to our next door neighbours! And that is Normal! Given that the population is growing, there are still so many lonely people out there. I think in my case I am single because I dont get much exposure.... no no - Im not about to flash anyone out there.... but exposure to other people in general, not only singles but people who are not single who may know someone that is..... etc etc. I have all the excuses : too busy at work, I work in healthcare - so there are many women or seniors, I'm shy..... blah blah blah. My ideal way of meeting "the one" would be in an environment where you are not initially assessing the other single potential - cause in that case - both parties involved have high standards that they use to judge the other only on face value, everyone has their guard up, and sometimes either try to be someone they are not or only put their best foot forward only for that one time (sorta like a job interview - everyone is at their best behavior). Its when you get to know another person in a normal setting and not meaning to "assess the potential mate" then you get to see the real them, no prey or being preyed upon situation. Well thats my ideal anyhow.....

So I was thinking, maybe instead of trying out these "singles events" - Which so far I have learned to ---- despise!!!!!----maybe I should try to focus on expanding my circle - though that takes alot of work on my part. I went to a 'life coach' before (apparently the thing now a days)and she asked me about that aspect of my life and she said to me "So what are you doing to meet guys or other people?" I did not have an answer. She said "well I notice you are career oriented, you have to treat that other aspect of your life as if it is a career , you have to work at it just as hard" Who ever thought that finding your life mate would be this difficult?! I always thought that it should happen naturally, you know, somewhere along my journey of life the man of my dreams will be somehow be embedded in there and I will realize this when the time is right. I did not like the idea of having to actively search for him like a needle in a haystack. So then I was thinking, that I should have to do these singles things cause then, at least, I would have a right to bitch about being single ;p since I was at least trying. But now I am realizing that maybe the life coach was right - but she did not necessarily mean changing who I was and doing all the singles event things that I hate so much..... she just meant to actively work on your social life - meeting people how I prefer to and then at least I will have more chances of bumping into "the one". And not doing things only to have the sole purpose of meeting 'the one' but to do things because I like to and I enjoy them.

Anyhow - where was I before I got side tracked? Ah yes, the New Years singles party. VERy disorganized - most of the night my gfs and I were either waiting in line for the coat check (you think that they planned for 350 ppl they would have enough hangers for coat check) or then after that we spent most of the time in line again for a ticket- to go to yet another line that had the drinks!!!!! There were hardly any seats and no h'orderves - well, a friend of mine actually had to wrestle a server to get one spring roll! We ended up going to the restaurant beside the venue to get our drinks. So we spent 60$ to line up all night and listen to 80s music with seniors - ok ok not seniors, but men who where a good 20 yrs older than us! At one point another friend of mine said "thats it! I am staying single for ever!" The night played out just like any other night club ( see previous post) except though, they said an age range of late 20s to late 40s it should have said 50-ish and up (uh hello dad you there? ick!)
I am not only ranting about this age thing due to this one night... I have yet to tell about my adventures in Speed Dating too a while back ..... they should have called it Speed-Date-Your-Daddy or something. I digress....

I could go on about some men not being gentlemen anymore - as in bumping into you as they pass and not saying sorry or dancing so that they back into you so that I have to push back then all of a sudden there is this huge club brawl or something....ahem... not that that happened...or something like that , or something...ya (mental note must talk about this in the future too ;) ) or men introducing themselves by shaking your hand then wanting to kiss it - ick ! (Seriously, not impressive from a total stranger - there is a thing called - personal space - and that is definately an intrusion).....yes I could go on but I will leave it at that.... suffice to say I just dont like these so called singles events.....or maybe its just the singles events in T.O?

Ah we did try to keep an open mind... really we did!!! But the odds were stacked against us.... literally......

I have come to the conclusion that all singles event things are like this and I would - really would - for my new years resolution - like to stay away from things like this!

I just need more ideas in expanding my circle.....
sigh.

Despite all this mumbo jumbo ideal crap that I prolly wont follow after today (hehe) I just want to say: Hope this year will be extra wonderful for everyone with lots of happiness and Good Health! Happy New Year!

Unfair Ratio

The ratio of men to women in the world is not even. Thats a given.
There are more women in the world than men.

Hence, more single women than single men!

Additionally, you have to take into concideration that amoung those single men, a good handful of them are interested in other men! So the ratio decreases!

Then men have to go and die before us women so that decreases the ratio even more!

Makes me wonder, if the world would have it that morally, marriages and relationships between men and women should be monogamous.................... then why on earth are there more women than men?!

I Was at a lounge/bar/restaurant/jazz club last night with my girl friends, and the night played out like every other night at these types of places -->

dark lights, loud music, cover charge, over priced foods and drinks, and the room was packed!
Packed FULL of mostly women!

And what men that were there were hanging out at the bar or staring creepily at the dance floor with their buddies or even alone(!).

I know I know, bars/clubs are not good places to meet "good" guys. Hence the pickins were slim, but that's another post, I digress, I was talking about ratios here.

Another time, actually last week, it was the same situation. But this was even at a labeled "singles event"! There are still more women than men. Apparently, in the T.O, "singles event" = "big gathering of single women"! Yay! This event is for what pray tell? For us single women to rejoice in the fact that we are not alone in our singledom? To show us that the pickins are slim? That beggars cant be choosers? gez!

So what are us single women left to do in these situations with shortages of men?
*claws come out, along with the cleavages and shorter skirts, laughs are louder (to the point of being abnoxious) and.......... standards decrease*.
Its funny to sit back and look around... a man enters the room.... all the womens eyes check him out. Desperado for attention, we laugh, flick our hair, anxiously look to the guy to be noticed but try not to make it too obvious.

And how does this ratio difference affect the guys? (I'll allude to it but oh this is another post in itself) Basically, they got their pickens, they become LAZY.... I honestly wonder what is running through their heads (I'll take a stab at it):

Hummm wow she is pretty, and that other has big boobs, oh and that other one - yea dance like that there, oh and there is another! Wow does that other one have a nice @ss!
I know they want me.
Maybe i'll just stare and stare at her with my glare and she will approach me.
I know they are all checkin me out.
humm leme buy myself a drink and stand by the dance floor and stare at them while they shake their things.
or maybe I will start dancing and try to grope this one from behind, I know she will like that!
hey, she pushed me away.... well, no sweat, maybe she is nervous, leme try it again on her friend!

I could go on. But I'm being biasd hehe. Yes, maybe not all of them think like this but most do (note that when I say most I'm again referring to the population of guys that is already much less than the population of women). I'm sure there are the shy types who just sit in the corner afraid to approach a gal and end up not doing it at all. Of course now the onus is up to us gals, apparently we have to be the "man" now and approach the guys. (thank you womens LIB!, no really you have not gone too far!)

Anyhow, the ratio sucks!

So, for all you single guys out there: YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE! the odds are in your favour!