When to call, when not to call?

Well I wasnt going to post about this and I even let a draft sit in the back ground since the end of January. But I was giving in to my addiction (blog reading) again during work today (shhh) and I came across a blogger who brought the topic up again.

My draft just went everywhere so I will try to summarize here (so 50 pages long instead of 100 ha!)

A few weeks back I got together with some old HS friends. At one point it was my gfs and I interrogating a single guy friend of ours about when/if it is appropriate to call a) after a first date b) When you want to end it.

A few things he said stuck in my mind:
1) Apparently some gal he went out with "broke the rule!" about calling after a good first date. Apparently, she called him (or was it an email I forget). Either way - it was wrong. Why? I asked. Because, he was supposed to do it first. He was supposed to initiate the first contact. Guess it made her look needy or something?
2) I refused to accept this! Especially since this particular guy friend also thought it OK to call a gal 4 days - erm FOUR DAYS! - after a first date to say he wanted to go out again and make plans. Of course my gfs disagreed with this. We said at this point - she would have well forgotten you and figured you were not interested. Anyhoo - side note: apparently #1 is supported by the recent Cosmo mag I glanced over during my 3 hour pit stop at Philly. I hardly ever read Cosmo. Go figure.
3) So to finish expanding on point #1) this guy friend said that he just didnt contact her back. IE. Didnt call her back. Ya. To end it he took the passive route. The route that leaves the other person thinking - what went wrong. Did he get my message? Did he miss it an think I was ignoring him? What is the reason he didnt think it could work? Yep all that nonsense stuff that rumbles in the mind of someone who is not given closure. Even if they can rightfully assume they know the reason, it would still be good to hear it (I think).

Of course I gasped at #3 when he said this. Thinking of a particular instance, I thought gah - who ever takes that route is total jerk, a wuss, own up to it an take responsibility, give a reason dont chicken out and let things fade to black, be mature! All this guy friend said was "well, I'm sure they can take the hint anyways". That doesnt make it better. That statement actually makes the gal look worse for not reading between the lines. How mean is that?! Yes, this passive omission is wrong people, wrong !Dont do it! If you are going to turn someone down say it! Give them closure. (so they can hate you in a milder way hehe). A gf's explanation to this was - "well guys just dont want to be looking like the bad guys, they dont want to be the one to bring the bad news" - WEll tell ya what - It actually makes them look worse than bad by doing this. It reminds me of when a little kid is confronted with a question they dont want to answer and they
sit in a corner with their hands over their ears saying "la-la-la-la-la" hoping the question will go away.

Ahhhh ok so I posted about this. My draft was collecting dust which was great because I felt I was over it. Until I read this post today and this one, and I had to put in my 5 cents :) And he is right, they are assholes ....... erm........ sorta ........... lemme explain .......


-------------- (take break here for long winded story)-----------------


BUT all this being said - I aint perfect (shocking huh?). And I find myself in this same situation. Role reversal. So I went out with this nice guy a couple months ago. Everything about him was great but I wasnt attracted to him. Then his one sided attraction made it seem like he was ..... needy. I told him I wasnt on the same page as him. Needed time away. And didnt want to lead him on, because even after the time away, I cant say that there will be anything anyways. I wouldnt have minded to stay friends because we had a good time hanging out. I said I would/ may/might contact him at the end of January to see how he was doing. Now its February and Im thinking (cause of my rampant wuss accusations earlier) he needs to be told. Oui? Non?
Here is the kicker.

I just dont feel like it.

Bleh.

pooh on me.
No - dont thats gross. Its an expression, not a fetish.

But still.

I'm thinking : I dont feel like dealing with an explanation, and thinking of ways to 'put it nicely' and yes, turning someone down makes me feel down and bad, not good.And I dont wanta feel like crap. And I'm not sure anymore if I do want to remain as a friend to this person in fear that it would give this person hope. And I rather cut it off now than lead anyone on. And he kinda seems needy and that makes me feel icky.
(side note: if someone says they need a break - give it to them, dont send them notes to remind them of you during this break time - it only puts them off)

So there. I answered my own thoughts as to why jerks dont call back, when they say they will or make it seem they will.

...........................

But alas I am not a jerk or a wuss - I will talk to him about it. Maybe this week. Not so close to the Vday though. I will. No, I'll try. I'll try to talk to him and give him closure. Though I think by now he has it, and he probably has moved on to some other gal. Which would be good. Then I would look like the foolish one. But thats ok.

Sometimes a smile is all you get

Yesterday I was wandering through Terminal F of the Philadelphia International
Airport trying to kill my 3 hour wait time for my transfer flight back to T.O.
As I was wandering I was noticing that there were quite a few good looking fellows walking around that airport as well. Who knows - must be my fixation with PA or the fact I was coming from Orlando Airport - full of families and children.
As I was walking down one section - I noticed a very handsome Yum of a man walking toward me going the opposite way.
Lets listen to what I was saying in my head shall we?
Ok Ok dont stare or glare, look away, now casually glance back, .... whoa niiiiiice, 1 second only, Ok look away again, hey wait a minute - was he looking at me too or just glancing my way by accident? Naw couldnt be. He is in a nice suit, I am in my jeans and hoodie. Ok descretely check him out again - one second glance, then look away again - hey he is looking back at me. Humm. I'd say late 20s or early 30s. Niiiice. Ok he passed. Im not going to turn and look past my peripheral vision. (This all took a matter of seconds btw)

Wow that was one piece of eye candy. Black suit, (or was it dark navy?) and blue button down, crisp collar shirt, tall, short hair and brown eyes. No ring. And he doesnt look like he swings the other way. Good stuff all around. It was Sunday - was he coming back from Church? Or leaving a business or professional conference? Or probably someone's Saturday night male escort?

Anyhow that moment came and went and I forgot about it. I looked at the time - I knew my flight was at 1pm. I walked back in the direction I came and checked my boarding pass. Boarding time 12:25?! what the?! - Just then when I had the 'What the?!' face on, it changed to a 'oh hey now' kinda face - cause it was Brown eyes again! He comes right out of the washroom directly in front of me - wowza. He was just a few metres in front of me - looking directly at me. He continued walking to pass me and was looking at me still. And me - looking at him. Was he looking at me or looking at me look at him or vice versa? hahaha. Seriously - it seemed all slow- mo from there. At that point it would be rude to just look away (ha - us Torontonians are used to being that way), so I gave him a nice smile (Unusual for this here T.O gal) He gave me a warm smile back. We continued to look at each other smiling for a total of - 2 seconds more then we continued on to what we were doing.

I make my way to my gate and have a seat. Brown eyes man is no where to be seen. Oh well - I thought - thats how it goes in airports people coming and going. I check the time and ponder if I should whip out my bagel and cream cheese and start munching away like the hungry pig that I am. Just then who comes walking toward the gate? Brown eyes. Gah! He is going to T.O too!
Thing is, this time he sees me and does what all us in T.O do - the usual. Takes a glance, then looks forward and walks to his seat, as if we didnt smile at each other a few minutes ago. Here, it seems the familiar are quick to be strangers again when out of context - if there is any context to be made.

My seat was no where near his on the plane. Then a buncha other ppl from some cancelled flight came in to fill up every seat so we were set in our places.

The end.

Anti-climactic yes? yes.

You see, in the movies (or in my head) I would luck out and would have been booked to sit right beside him. And he wouldnt of had that T.O 2nd reaction. I would have commented on the book he was reading and he would have commented on the book I was reading. Then at the end of that hour flight we would have enjoyed each others company so much and exchanged numbers.
Then I would say, 'the end'. (with a 'happily ever after' of course - since I was coming from Orlando)

But nooooooo, the story goes: they smile at each other, the end.
Nothing else but a smile. The end.
And that is all you are given. Even though we lucked out enough to be in the same city at the moment, on the same flight and going to the same city, but still -
The end.

Yes long story for such and anti-climactic ending.

So Mr. Brown eyes on flight 4010 US Airways, gate F26 thanks for the smile even though that is all we were given....