Belated advice....

Came across this today....... good. I wasnt doing anything bad, phew!
But from this experience I know that it is confusing as anything and my mind was spinning - and there were only two.

Happy Valentines

Despite the singledom looming over me on this dreaded excluding-singles day.....

I was driving in the snow storm this morning (gah was an hour late for work!) and had to take a pic(sorry I have a bad cell cam) of this unsuspecting person....

He was walking through the blowing snow, along a busy stretch of road, during early morning traffic, holding his large, brightly wrapped, bouquet of roses for his valentine - for all to see. How sweet is that?! In a world where most guys are shunned for being outwardly romantic, being called whipped and cheesy, or unmanly and all the like. Brave of him. You go guy! You go!

....ok the day has only begun. And I am in a good mood. And I am wearing red.

Ask me at the end of the day and I will probably be sick of seeing things like this .........

When to call, when not to call?

Well I wasnt going to post about this and I even let a draft sit in the back ground since the end of January. But I was giving in to my addiction (blog reading) again during work today (shhh) and I came across a blogger who brought the topic up again.

My draft just went everywhere so I will try to summarize here (so 50 pages long instead of 100 ha!)

A few weeks back I got together with some old HS friends. At one point it was my gfs and I interrogating a single guy friend of ours about when/if it is appropriate to call a) after a first date b) When you want to end it.

A few things he said stuck in my mind:
1) Apparently some gal he went out with "broke the rule!" about calling after a good first date. Apparently, she called him (or was it an email I forget). Either way - it was wrong. Why? I asked. Because, he was supposed to do it first. He was supposed to initiate the first contact. Guess it made her look needy or something?
2) I refused to accept this! Especially since this particular guy friend also thought it OK to call a gal 4 days - erm FOUR DAYS! - after a first date to say he wanted to go out again and make plans. Of course my gfs disagreed with this. We said at this point - she would have well forgotten you and figured you were not interested. Anyhoo - side note: apparently #1 is supported by the recent Cosmo mag I glanced over during my 3 hour pit stop at Philly. I hardly ever read Cosmo. Go figure.
3) So to finish expanding on point #1) this guy friend said that he just didnt contact her back. IE. Didnt call her back. Ya. To end it he took the passive route. The route that leaves the other person thinking - what went wrong. Did he get my message? Did he miss it an think I was ignoring him? What is the reason he didnt think it could work? Yep all that nonsense stuff that rumbles in the mind of someone who is not given closure. Even if they can rightfully assume they know the reason, it would still be good to hear it (I think).

Of course I gasped at #3 when he said this. Thinking of a particular instance, I thought gah - who ever takes that route is total jerk, a wuss, own up to it an take responsibility, give a reason dont chicken out and let things fade to black, be mature! All this guy friend said was "well, I'm sure they can take the hint anyways". That doesnt make it better. That statement actually makes the gal look worse for not reading between the lines. How mean is that?! Yes, this passive omission is wrong people, wrong !Dont do it! If you are going to turn someone down say it! Give them closure. (so they can hate you in a milder way hehe). A gf's explanation to this was - "well guys just dont want to be looking like the bad guys, they dont want to be the one to bring the bad news" - WEll tell ya what - It actually makes them look worse than bad by doing this. It reminds me of when a little kid is confronted with a question they dont want to answer and they
sit in a corner with their hands over their ears saying "la-la-la-la-la" hoping the question will go away.

Ahhhh ok so I posted about this. My draft was collecting dust which was great because I felt I was over it. Until I read this post today and this one, and I had to put in my 5 cents :) And he is right, they are assholes ....... erm........ sorta ........... lemme explain .......


-------------- (take break here for long winded story)-----------------


BUT all this being said - I aint perfect (shocking huh?). And I find myself in this same situation. Role reversal. So I went out with this nice guy a couple months ago. Everything about him was great but I wasnt attracted to him. Then his one sided attraction made it seem like he was ..... needy. I told him I wasnt on the same page as him. Needed time away. And didnt want to lead him on, because even after the time away, I cant say that there will be anything anyways. I wouldnt have minded to stay friends because we had a good time hanging out. I said I would/ may/might contact him at the end of January to see how he was doing. Now its February and Im thinking (cause of my rampant wuss accusations earlier) he needs to be told. Oui? Non?
Here is the kicker.

I just dont feel like it.

Bleh.

pooh on me.
No - dont thats gross. Its an expression, not a fetish.

But still.

I'm thinking : I dont feel like dealing with an explanation, and thinking of ways to 'put it nicely' and yes, turning someone down makes me feel down and bad, not good.And I dont wanta feel like crap. And I'm not sure anymore if I do want to remain as a friend to this person in fear that it would give this person hope. And I rather cut it off now than lead anyone on. And he kinda seems needy and that makes me feel icky.
(side note: if someone says they need a break - give it to them, dont send them notes to remind them of you during this break time - it only puts them off)

So there. I answered my own thoughts as to why jerks dont call back, when they say they will or make it seem they will.

...........................

But alas I am not a jerk or a wuss - I will talk to him about it. Maybe this week. Not so close to the Vday though. I will. No, I'll try. I'll try to talk to him and give him closure. Though I think by now he has it, and he probably has moved on to some other gal. Which would be good. Then I would look like the foolish one. But thats ok.

Vday approaching

Ha! with Vday approaching I might as well post about it now, since I will be spending that night at my self defence class anyways (yes, instead of going out on a romantic date I will learning how to fend off, and cause bodily harm to men instead - ya wonder why I'm single huh)

Well - I'm not really posting much (as a singleton) but this article was a cheesy, yet distracting read for the day.....

It states:
{Wear it on your sleeve: “I always wore red on Valentine's Day to show that I was embracing the holiday even though I was single,” said my friend Carolyn, who has since met and married her Valentine. “I thought that might save me from any ‘poor, pitiful single you’ comments and prevent anyone from tiptoeing around me that day fearing that I was feeling blue.” And it worked, Carolyn said: “How can anyone surmise that you’re feeling blue if you’re decked out in red?”}

I guess I will have to put away my "all-black-dont-ask-me-anything-and-stay-away" outfit for another day and try to don some red on the 14th ....... I'll see if it works......

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Just a thought

(yay not another rant)

I was reading through a few favorite blogs and as usual, one link led to another.
Then, as I read some guy's interesting blog, I thought to myself - What if you were reading a blog of someone you knew - not someone you were close to, but just someone you knew. But because of the anonymity of it all - you never found out that you actually knew this person from the blog world, in real life. And what if this person was someone you didnt really care for but in the 'blog world' you admired their thoughts and how they wrote, maybe even communicated via comments back and forth. And you just carried on with life - not liking this person in real life and then liking them from their blog - and both never connected.

Yeah - probably wouldnt happen - given enough information you would probably figure out who that person was I suppose.

Just a thought though.

Dang I'm bored!

Just a thought, now carry on with what you were doing...... :)