ew.

So its the 2nd day of a heat wave and smog alert in the T.O
34 degrees celcius today and with the humidity its around 42 degrees celcius!
I felt so sorry for all those ppl that walked yesterday morning and afternoon because of the TTC strike.
Today the AC at work is not working so its boiling!

I moved my car this afternoon so not to get a ticket and I came back and my Aqua-blue T had beads of sweat marks on my sternum area.. you know, above near between my boobs!
I think its gross. Although some guy I know said that guys can see that as attractive. ick.
Something that is even more gross in this hot weather is what I saw yesterday driving back home...

3 separate men reaching down scratching their crotch, in the heat ..... ew!

Click to Watch Video...

Sweet song link.
Making Memories of Us
I think you have to click 2 times where it says to watch....
Mushy song for the gals.
Listen up song for the guys ;)

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Break-ups can be painful for you, but you never show it. You hold your head high.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

What Your Underwear Says About You

You like your underwear to make you feel girlish and pretty. Let's hope you're a chick. You're sexy, in that pinup girl, tease sort of way.

The Underwear Oracle

You Are 46% Selfish

You are quite balanced. You are able to compromise when it's in the best interests of those involved. But you're no pushover. If something is important to you, you'll get it!

How Selfish Are You?

This is sad but I am slowly coming to believe this:

There is no THE ONE
Ha!
I have accepted defeat!


From what I see there are many different variations of the 2 extremes:
1- those that live their quest for the one by going from person to person - they have a list of people. Sometimes it looks like their judgment is ridiculous and that they dont put too much thought into it. Just doing whatever comes up, whatever they feel like. They do this in hopes to get a better idea of what it is they are looking for, who it is they will be happy with
2- those that are extreme opposites, meticulously analyzing things, being careful with every step they take, making sure to guard themselves from being hurt. Trying to find the one that would less likely to hurt them, someone they can trust and depend on. And slowly they give of themselves when they feel safe.

They are both striving to find "the one"
Who is right who is wrong?

Actually I am becoming convinced that The One does not exist.
It happens only by.................. sheer LUCK......... not effort.

Its not about finding someone with the same values or morals or someone you can trust or feel safe with.
Thats crap.
There is nothing really that can glue people together for life.
I think its only luck and time that will tell if something will turn out ok or not.

Think about it, there are ppl that have known each other for over 20 years and have come to realize even then, that they really DO NOT KNOW the other person!! Its true.
You never really know a person no matter how much you think you do or how open your conversations are or how long you have known them. The only way to really know the other person is to be that person themselves! And heck, alot of people dont even know themselves fully anyways!

Then there are alot of people too, and I guess its normal human nature (we are all are acused of it at one point), who - because they are happy they have so many thoeries as to how to find THE ONE and make it work.
Thats crap too.
They have those theories only because this "luck" has worked for them till that point so far. But any second, the rug can be pulled right from under them, and their whole theory crumbles before them!
Really, it all depends on how much TIME will allow them to have. They have found the "right now" or the "2.5 yrs" or even "17 yrs" person. Its not "the one".
Its not about finding "the one" in a person ......it maybe about having the sheer luck of finding someone that will grow in the same path you are on for a longer time until you die or one of you dies. Then you can look back and say you found "the one" and it worked. But by then one or both of you will be dead, so no one can really say they found "the one" when they are still living out the TIME they were given.

Its more of a fluid process than a stagnant affirmation.

This thought explains some things that I have seen or even experienced.
You never really ever know someone. So if you think you ever found "the one", do not be content in that thought, walk carefully and never let your guard down, no matter how blissfully happy you are, dont be satisfied and assume it will last forever, never think that the great gal or good guy will always be that way, dont give your whole heart away. Cause then in the end you will be left with nothing.

Blah

In an attempt not make this turn out as a bitch fest (see post below) I searched my list of Draft Posts. Yes, I'm fulla it. (Rhymes with ...? hehe) I have quite a few draft posts that never made it through the publish button for one reason or another or just simply my mood.
I was looking for a Draft that was uplifting to Publish here to fill in this space ... ya know keep this Blog from being all too emo and all.
I came across one that was titled "Infidelity" - short and to the point - but - that would just add to my bitch fest so - no go.
Then there was one long ago that I wrote about how it is that I know when a guy really likes me - it was short form and kinda silly and sweet and mushy but it was how I was feeling at the time. But now with my present mood I look at it and say to myself - haha wtf do you know?!
So I opted for the easy fill in..... Blog things!!!!:)

Your Brain is 73% Female, 27% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Some men are idiots

Ok that being said, I know I may endure comments from men defending themselves. That is why I am being politically correct and I am saying "some".
So if you are a man and dont want to be part of these idiots you have a choice which side you want to be on. Since I said "some" it's your choice, I'm not labeling all men.

Why are some men idiots?
They think with their penis.
WE heard that before didnt we?
(Ah Im due for a rant here and circumstances call for it at this point.)



True Story:

I was in my last year of my professional program. 2 other classmates and I had a placement in a hospital downtown. I had a surgery to perform. We had a male clinical supervisor/instructor. I think he was engaged at that time.
The patient was actually this young pretty 23 yr old gal. She came in with her dad and her bf.
The surgery I had to do was minor, so it only requires local anesthesia.
Its the injection that is painful, not the actual surgery itself. She was so hyper-nervous! And in times like this we do all we can to re-assure patients (pre-op and during) that the procedure is minor and the only discomfort she would feel is the injection which takes a minute. We also go into grave detail if needed to re-assure them, so a lot of people suck it in and bear it when they know which part is the bad part.
However, this ever-so-pretty-pre-Madonna was whining and scared cause it was all just so scary-warey from start to finish from the moment she entered the clinic - think 5 yr old: "aawwww pooorr baby-wabey, lil girl skeeeert? vewy vewy skeeert? pooor baby! Khoochie khoochie kooo"
Yes - sickening isnt it? You would think huh?
During this type of surgery we use a tournique so Time is of essence. But of course, her constant whining made it extremely difficult and stressful for me to do the whole injection and surgery without stopping every 2 seconds to make sure she was ok, OR for her to catch her breath and gain composure after her dad said some re-assuring words and held her hand and rubbed her back.
wtf?
YOU are not in labor for cripes sake!
Ok ok I know ppl have different pain tolerances. And I am not a cold hearted bitch (to my patients hehe) either.
But:
#1: I even endured the injections as a student myself so I knew how painful it was (not as bad as the dentist's L.A)
#2: She was 23 yrs old not 5!
And this pre-Madonna was milking every second of it!
#3: after the anesthesia you dont feel a thing, so why was she still complaining (I checked for sensation before and during)
Her pathetic bf was there looking on too also re-assuring her. I think even at one point he stood on the other side of her holding her other hand!!
Gag!!
It was getting very sickening, so thank goodness my mask was on to catch my throw up if needed. And I had to put alot of all my energy into not rolling my eyes into the back of my head to stare at my freakin brain!
(You are probably thinking that I was just jealous of her prettiness and that is why I found her annoying. Nope, she was annoying period for any 23 yr old, pretty or ugly, man or woman.)

I glanced at my other colleague students (female as well btw). Behind their masks I saw the same look I had. I looked at my supervisor - He was the typical oblivious male. He continued to ask her of other things like school stuff etc. to keep her mind off the surgery. In fact, we were all asking her stupid questions so she would not complain. I looked at the clock and began to sweat even more!
We finally got through the surgery. She got the post-op instructions then said to my instructor "Oh thank you it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be, see you in a couple of days"
- Yep and I was the one who did the surgery under stress....

Scrubbing up post surgery and washing down the instruments I conferred with my colleagues. They too agreed that she was just more than a little too much! One colleague was engaged and about in her 40s and the other in her early 30s and married. We were all part chuckling and annoyed at her behavior, so turning to my instructor, I asked his opinion. From him, being a previous and present friend of mine from since he was a student himself, I expected a unanimous agreement.
In his most intellectual, serious, as-a-matter-of-fact type of voice he said:
"Well, actually no. I did not see anything wrong with her behavior, I think she is rather quite the intellectual, very smart and bright with a good head on her shoulders for someone her age, going to university and you know, going to school for a year in Italy and all."

WHA?

I was in shock! Was he in the same room?

I did not bother...
My colleagues were shocked at his ignorance as well.
One of them said "Yep, it was a room of 4 women and 3 men and she had them all wrapped around her finger, they kinda looked like idiots".

So if you ever wonder why men make stupid important decisions and sometimes end up dirt broke and alone over some woman.........You know which brain they were using.

My white zip-up hoodie sweater

Im wearing it today.
I have been looking for the "perfect white hooded zip up sweater" for ummmm.... about 4 years!
Yes - 4. Years.
Why that long?
Well many factors...

The price for one. No sense in spending a chunk of change on something that casual. Then there is the cut... straight arm, no bat-wings, somewhat fitting at the sides, and the sleeve - it has to be that sweatshirt type sleeve where the cut is toward the neckline on each side, not the typical straight cut sleeve. There is also the material, it has to be a sport material like they make for track pants, not too thick though but thick enough to hold its shape and not look like a simple top than a sweater, and not knitted. Also I like the seams to be the usual clean cut seams not the inverted frayed seams. And the width, not too wide (80s style) and not hoochie tight. The length, not brother's-hand-me-down long or hoochie crop top short.

This has not been something I have been actively searching for for 4 years. But every now and then I would take a look and if there happened to be a white zip up hoodie sweater I always checked it out. At times I would just forget about it but it was always in the back of my mind.

The other day I bought one. Just like that. I wasnt planning to. I was shopping for something for my mother and when I left the store I saw a sign out front. It used to be a Club Monaco outlet store now it was this new Urban whatever you call it. Somewhere in the back I found a bunch of white zip up hoodie sweaters.
Long story short (or a tad shorter cause I always write long posts) - the one I bought was on sale $12.99 haha. Cheapo! It fit nice. Kinda bat-wingy but not so much when you zip it up. And Frayed inverted seams.
All those years looking for the perfect one and I end up with one that is a great price but not exactly what I am looking for!

Maybe I was fed up?! Maybe at this point I didnt give a damn?! Maybe I wanted to not look for a white hoodie anymore? Maybe I succummed to the price, foregoing a couple of features I did not want? Maybe I wanted it more than I wanted those perfect features?

Its funny the other day I mentioned it to my friend. She was like : "geez if you are this picky about a man ...."

Now in reference to my search for a good man.... is it going to have to come to this? I know you cant have everything you want in a person - especially the superficial stuff - But I wonder what things I am going to have to give up along the way? Will I just be fed-up with the search and marry the next one that comes along just because the price is good?? (hehe just kidding about the price thing - Im not going to marry the male escorts I see ... ahem, just kidding about that too). Will I end up with someone I dont feel is my soul mate but fits the other criteria? Will I end up with someone that I describe as "Ya thats my husband...eeengh... He's ok." ?

Despite all that, now when I wear my new white hoodie zip up sweater - I just love it! I am not disappointed in it at all. Its my favorite sweater at the moment! Its so comfy and warm not too heavy and its pretty and looks good on me - despite the tiny frays. I want to wear it everyday!
So good choice huh?...

Only thing is - I was thinking that if I ever do find that perfect hoodie sweater I may end up buying it too :(

Ok maybe I am reading way too much into this ! Maybe I am just a mild shoppaholic.

I should remind myself...

I was drawn to this blog by a friend of mine and this paragraph in particular:


"I don’t know what my problem is. I don’t hate men. If I cross that line now it would be based on what I’ve heard and not what I’ve experienced, and that’s a pretty short sighted way to live. I know this. I do find myself making sweeping generalizations about them, but a lot of that is due to making excuses for not dating and idly if not ignorantly repeating what I’ve heard other women in long-term relationships say. "

long update....

Whew! long time so see Bloggie!

Where have I been? Hummm... going through a dry spell perhaps .... a writing dry spell I mean - cause we all know the love life is a constant dry spell - yep ! I can always count on that hehe.

I think I go through fazes. Now its just a numb one. Yep - not looking and trying to focus on other things to keep myself preoccupied.

Then last night I heard a mushy song! Gah!
Ya sure it cracked through my ice cold shell. And heck I dont even like country music - but it is nice - yes the words are nice.
Of course my gf who has a man noticed it first (she used to be into all these depressing songs before she found a guy - funny how it works hehe)
But yes its the one playing now, here are the lyrics.
Thanks for putting alittle bit of hope into my dry spell R!

I remember my favorite mushy song growing up :
I was in grade 10 : Somebody - Depeche Mode - grrr cant seem to find a video code that works, the sample does not do it justice - here are the lyrics.

- Sometimes I wonder if these songs along with all those mushy videos and movies and childhood stories are putting preconceived misconceptions as to what love is supposed to be like for little gals - grrr Cinderella and Sleepy Beauty!

Anyhow - on a side note that patient came in again, you know, that senoir lady who dated a 26yr old when she was in her 40s. She mentioned it again, and I somehow asked her this time about how it ended (ya nosey me, but thats the risk you take once you give me alittle info). She said it didnt end bad at all. She actually dated the guy for 8 yrs! wowzers - it wasnt just a brief love affair. She said she was entering menopause (oh what I have to look forward to!) and she realized she could not lead that life anymore, the drinking the partying, she wanted to settle down, so the relationship fizzled out. She describes the phone convo:
- there was a pause in their convo and he said:
"You know what..... I had the time of my life!"
"Yes, me too" my patient said
"Thank you, I will never forget you"
Awww - if all wild love affairs can end like this the world would be a happier place.

On other thoughts:

I was talking to a gf of mine about a week ago. Yes - the never ending single gal talk where we say all our worries and fears and analyzing other relationships around us but in the end we feel like we are just mice running around in the same circle over and over and not gaining anything from it, saying "ah and here we are, after all that talking, still single and alone"

Anyhow I used to think when I was younger that if I was ever in a fight or argument with my husband in the future or even arguments with family members that all you had to do was say "I love you" and that if you both understood that you both loved eachother that all will be right in the world - everything will automatically fix themselves and each side would lay down their arms and hug and all will be merry. Just so long as you said those words and both parties felt the same for eachother.

Hahahaha.

I learnt early on that that is not enough. I think it had something to do with my newly divorced uncle who was staying over at our house until things got settled. He was my mom's brother and his - over-staying his welcome was driving my dad insane and driving a wedge between my parents.
Where am I going with this?

My friend was saying to me "Ya you know what - when it comes to relationships sometimes LOVE is just NOT enough"Gah! As pessimistic as I am I dont want to give in to this notion!

You know what happened with the situation above? Eventually my mom put pressure on my uncle to finnally move out. All was better and my parents do love each other.

I said to my gf, " I dunno, maybe its not that LOVE is not enough, but more that the ppl just Dont LOVE eachother enough to make things work"
"you know - just like that saying of: When ppl say they CANT, sometimes what they really mean is they DONT WANT TO"

So sometimes there is alittle meaning to my maddness in the songs I post up here. I think I missed posting one before this present song alluding to my dry spell again and my brief absence from here.

another great song

love the lyrics....

Watch Videos:

Goodbye Alice In Wonderland (Jewel) Video Codes by VideoCodeZone.Com

My Eggies (warning: too much info)

I love being a gal! :)
Sometimes I think to myself how boring it would have been to been born a guy.
I mean - Shopping - hello!?
I am a pretty 'plain Jane' when it comes to going to work but I do like spiffing my self up abit every now and then.
Heck - it even just brightens my mood if I am down.
The make - up, the lipstick, the gloss, the shoes, the dresses, skirts, capris - oooh summer time! Sandals, nails, hair styles, cute tops, the colours, the purses, the jewelry!! Seriously, there are only so many combinations of mens pants and tops that they can make right?

My nephew is 2yrs old and is getting cuter and sweeter everyday (he was a brat). I love him a lot and early last month, in April, I became an aunt again ... to a little niece! Now I can buy pinks!!!! dresses! with flowers! and frills! Awwwwwww!

However, last month I was also reminded of the few things that I dont like about being a gal.....

It was early Sunday Easter morning. I woke around 6:30 am (habit) and realized the day and attempted to fall back asleep. I noticed that my lower back was sore. Humm, must have just been the position I was in.... I moved around trying to get comfortable but to no relief. I somehow fell back asleep and woke again around 9:30am... I got out of bed and I realized that my back pain became extremely excruciating and originated in my lower left abdomen! OMG I never had this much pain before in my life! I was hunched over! I could hardly walk to the bathroom! I was moaning in PAIN! I thought for a second... Could this be a case of real bad GAS?! Nope - nothing like that. Felt like some serious cramp-age and someones fist was mangling all my insides like they were mincing meat for meat loaf and my abdomen was about to burst ! I rushed over to the Rapid Clinic. Ultrasound revealed I had a cyst in my Left Ovary that had burst! Apparently cysts there are common and bursting cysts happen once in a blue moon. No worries unless it happens again. Its an age thing I guess?! Going to check again this month.

So, if I heard my body correctly.... I think my eggies are mad at me!

You see, they all live in my wonderful Ovaries. They are nice and comfy in there. Its like one big happy family. The Brady Bunch like - except they are about a few thousands ? I duno. And they sit there.... waiting to be set free! The are filled with the joys and hopes of the wonderfully magnificent potential they hold!! They are practically anxious to be set free! To grow! To enjoy the 'outer world'! Party with some great swimmers (that happen to have tails) and hopefully meet up with one of them so it can grow even more! Sprout legs and feet and eyes, nose, mouth and a heart !
So every month when one is set free its like a PAAARRR -TEE! I can hear them cheer on the ejected one "Go get em tiger!" "This is your time eggie! Your turn will be the one!" "Go eggie, Go eggie, go eggie!"
....
But soon after it is released, this eggie does NOT have a party. No fantastic swimmers to meet. Just a empty void of .... Nothingness. It echoes "Hello? (helllllooo hellllooo helllllloooo)" "Is anybody there??? (therrrreee theeeerrrree theeeereee)". It continues to float around cob-webbed corridors and dark recesses, aimlessly moving... becoming sad at every empty corner it turns.... Finally it meets its destiny.... Flushed out.....Meanwhile screaming at me "Noooooooooooooo, You biatch!!!! No party! You liar!!! NNOOOOooooooooooo........."

So last month I think they finally told me they are on to me. Somehow the news leaked back to the waiting ones: "Mayday mayday Mayday, abort mission, fantastic swimmers are M.I.A, M.I.A! There is nothing here! No party No party! AARRRAAAGGGHHHH!!!"

You hear that? Its getting louder damnit!
Tick-toc-tic -toc-tic -toc