Hope in the oddest places....

Last week I was talking to my patient. She is around her mid to late 70s. She says I am easy to talk to, she says I should charge her for also being her therapist ... that makes me laugh, but I'm glad she feels she can talk to me.

Anyhow, I mentioned going to a naturopathic Doctor myself for something and she mentioned to me:
"Well, you know what is a good cure for most things, hehe" she says with a smirk.
"Oh No! your not the only one who mentioned that too me! Thats too funny!" I say, not wanting her to finish her sentence, and laugh it off.
"Well. I'm telling you.... its true!" She insists
(Im thinking: Oh good gawd pleeeeeease dont tell me details of your sex life lady, first of all I dont want to hear it and second of all ..... you are in your 70s! and you are my patient! this is soooo wrong!)
But I did find it amusing and she is the kinda senior that is straight forward and very liberal but very tactful. So she goes on to continue...
"Ah you know....." She says thoughtfully
"there are those times when I feel myself getting old and I get down about it. I feel like...... you know what they say........ a flower that has lost its bloom, like life has faded away for me.....with all these problems I keep getting......" (she has Arthritis everywhere and is in pain most of the time and she walks with a cane)
"but then I think back..... you know if you ever find your true love that is the best thing you can ever have in life....I think back to my true love"
Because of how much I know about her life and our previous talks I mention "That wasnt your ex-husband was it?"
"No no not him..... I was in my 40s and this young man was ....... well lets just say he was too young to say" She explains
I burst out "OH MY!!!!" (as in - you go girl!) hehe " well you know what they say" I told her "women peak in their 40s and men peak in their 20s"
"Oh you said it!" She agrees. "oh he was my first love and I thought : oh no this cant be! And even my sister said : what on earth are you doing!?....but I took the jump..... I didnt care what others thought.....and let me tell you ....... I am very glad I did it.....we were so in love...he was wonderful ! And it was amazing too!" (ok this is when I laughed out loud with her and partly hoped that she would not go further into details)
And she didnt, she just re-iterated that in times when she was down now, she thinks of the chance she took on love long ago and does not regret her life and the way she lived it, and that at least, at one moment in time she was sooo happy, enough to bring her happiness now when she thinks back on it. I never asked how it ended. She did mention to me that she saw him again when she was with her grandson on the streetcar but decided to leave things as they were and not approach him.

Funny enough as this is, it kinda was nice to hear. Me, in my struggles with singledom, thinking sometimes that I have missed the boat, or that my time had come and passed and I missed alot of chances.... it kinda gives me hope .....(Mind you - the Ashton Kutshner and Demi Moore thing is not for me -- I find the whole situation with them alittle odd - but hey whatever works for them) ... And if this patient of mine found the love of her life not in her first husband but in her 40s
........then it gives me even just alittle tiny weeny bit of hope that I have yet to reach my peak in life myself....
Lets hope anyways.

Merry Christmas!!!!! (yesterday)

Boy am I late.
Have not posted here in a while.
Just hope everyone had a very wonderful Christmas.

Despite the extended FAMILY get togethers with the mushy couples out there, all the married couples and cousins with their latest bfs or gfs that you meet ....... and then (for the single ones) all those uncles and aunts who ask unwanted questions and probings as to who you are with now(NO ONE!) that are meant as harmless questions yet seem as hard pokes in the eye..........

I am thankful for my family and good health.

When I look at some of my patients, I see widows, I see people who have no families, I see those single elderly people that were forgotten by their kids, those that think Christmas is just like any other day of their lives, the same and monotonous, or they see Christmases past which haunt them now since they cannot do things that they used to, I see torn up families, I see those in the street with no one, those with no food no shelter........
So I am reminded that I have alot to be Thankful for.... and those hard pokes in my eye dont seem to hurt as much at all.

I knew I should have taken Business 101

With all those theories from people who have advice on which approach to dating works, advice to singles, how to find "the one" or your "soul mate", internet dating sites or the other dating sites that claim to match you up to the perfect one (haha) ----
there have been no sure-fire theories that work - or else we would all follow it, and the world would ONLY be filled with everyone having a "happy ever after" ending.........

On msn's page today something caught my eye... it actually made me laugh... yet I do find it interesting.....
with all my fumbling blindly around in the world of ... business, investing and money matters, trying to learn here and there, a little at a time, trying not to resist this topic which I find extremely boring - yet very important.............. I'm realizing that this gives me another reason to learn more about it!!

He is not serious is he?!

My gf was telling me about her date last weekend. She was set up by people she knows. She already went out on a first date with the guy, lets call him J. After the first date he showed her off at a posh place he used to work and everything was free for them. He did not seem to show off about it, he seemed ok. He seemed like a real gentleman.

So last weekend was date # 2. He took her to a very expensive restaurant.
During dinner J says "You know, I only do this (eating out at expensive restaurants) for special occassions" (Um date #2 is a special occassion? Ok whatever)
He goes on to explain "I cant do this all the time you know..." HUH? What was that? What does he mean by that?! She never asked him to take her there! What a way to make her seem like a burdon on his pocket already....
To top off his wonderful tactfulness, at the end of the dinner he says "How much do you think that dinner costs?"
My gf is taken back, but answers the question " Uhhhhhh ohhhh wellll ..... maybe $130 or so?!?"
J "Yeah thats right, about $150 right?! - well, since I know the manager he only charged me $78! Isnt that great huh? Thats such a good discount, right?"
"Um Ya it is" my gf says feeling uncomfortable, guilty and very turned off.
What the?! Is he really serious??! Gah!

So many issues here.
The one I want to mention is that: its not so much how much a guy spends on a girl, (in fact I would rather not know)..but its how he treats her - makes her feel that she is worth going the extra mile for, not constantly reminding her how much he is doing for her as if it were a burdon! If he had more real tactfulness and was a sincere gentleman yet took her to East Side Marios, I think she would have been much more impressed with him.
Now, this being said, I know that not all gals think this way. There are the gold diggers that spoil the rest. But the average gal wants someone that makes her feel special, that is humble, not showing off, someone that treats her like a princess.
Before all this, I kept telling my gf what I want in a guy, I had a hard time explaining it. Im not a frivolous gal but in the end...
I want someone that treats me like a princess, that treats me as something he thinks is special, something that he wants to take care of, and someone genuine in his actions.
I still dont think that I explained it well but she kinda understood the point I was trying to make now that this happened.

(I know I may get some flack from those guys out there that say - well thats not reality or ya sure but if he was dirt poor you would not like him would you?!.......... but that is a totally different post to explain anyhow)

I think that if you listen closely and observe closely, you can tell those guys that just say things or do things only because they wanta "git wit ya" and those that are really, sincerely, into you.
Its not the actions only or the words only - its both.

Bad Karma?

Sometimes I wonder if my singledom is due to ..... even just alittle bit of...bad karma?
It always seems that I am in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I worked late lastnight. As I was leaving work, the front receptionist fellow says "Where's your hat? Its really cold out there"
Me, wearing my ski jacket pulls up my hood, "here it is".
Now, I dont usually wear hats - It has to be dead cold and alota wind and snow blowing around, but since he mentioned it, I thought he had some insight into the impending frieghtful night outside(reception is supposed to know everything right?).
"You better wear it, its pretty cold out there" he says.
As I put it on I jokingly say "OH great now I cant see anyone around me at night if I get mugged" (my ski jacket hood makes it hard for me to see from side to side, I literally have to turn my whole upper body to look to the side). Before I leave I joke "Oh and now I cant even hear anything too" (apparently my ski jacket is not only wind and rain proof - its sound proof as well) . So I leave looking like some bundled up snowman, walking a few blocks to my car......

There is this bar along the street that I pass all the time. It just opened up a few months ago and every time I pass it I look in because it is always empty - the most I have seen was 2 people in there at once - I feel bad for them and I'm curious to know how they are doing....
So last night as I walk past the bar, I look in as usual, only this time I have to turn my whole torso, shoulders and neck to see since I am bundled up good .......
----- its full! packed with guys --- good lookin guys!!! WTF? Where the heck they come from ??! Oh and of course they just have to see me pass as I am looking in, and some of them glance over at this wierd lookin snow freak chick looking in the window.
Great.

Such is my life!
When I dress to impress and go out with my gfs there is NO one.
When I look like a freakin stiff bundled up snowman - there they are packed in one room, glancing back.

Another quote that is not mine

I am re-posting this here... from a post I did... somewhere else...
redundant? Yes, but not here. I like this quote.

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, Who calls you back when you hang up on him, Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, Who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her." " -Annonymous

From todays 24 Hour mag

(ya. so thats a free daily news magazine in T.O)

"Relationships that have no Trust are not very safe relationships to be in"

not gettin any better....

OK so I was going through some ruff stuff today and I was thinking, Ah well just answer the open ended questions of these guys on Eharmony....
So I did, then of course I got to ask them some open ended questions of my own.... *rubs hands together* Muhahahaha!

So I called them on their answers.....

To R: What do you find physically attractive in another person and how important is it to you?

To D: Please expand on what you mean by Passionate ... in your choice of "must haves"


Their answers........

Well R just answered enough to make him seem that bit more................ superficial . hehe. Something to do with lowering his standards for himself since he is fit. Fit? That was the first time I heard that from him. It wasnt even on his whole personality profile, no activities or nothing! ... Humm somethin to ask ....
I was thinking and rethinking about this and I think that we all have preferences for physical attractiveness, whether we admit it or not. I mean, it got me thinking .... I went out with this blind date before, we were talking through a few emails at first. I actually really liked his humour on email, we seemed to click. He was a friend of a friend of mine who I thought was very nice so he must be nice too and he was ..... um..... then I met him. He was shorter than I thought but the worst was...... his teeth. Ya Ya call me hypocritical. I dont care. His teeth were not only yellow but crooked and kinda greyish mixed in with it! We got along sooo well and he was really good to me and we had quite a few laughs and I think he had a good time too. But that was something I could not get over. In fact I remember him leaning on his hands on the table and his mouth area was covered by the glass in front of him and I felt such relief not having to fight the "eeeeeeh"- look on my face if I happen to glance at his teeth again! Great guy. I felt really bad for him though. Who knows maybe I will end up with him when I truely realize that looks do not matter. Anyhow, I still kinda think R is superficial-ish.

Then D. Oh pervy D. His answer was vague. You Sly guy, D. He went on to explain "passion" as in passion for life and in everything you do blah blah blah. Then he said something like I dont really remember what my exact answer was on the Must Haves (um hello its on your profile, there is a record of everything you do, look it up) and he said I wrote it so long ago (um 3 days is too long?) so if I did not answer your question let me know exactly what I said. He just wants ME to bring up the 'SEXUAL' part I bet. Sigh. You Perv, D.

Hehe. Ah what am I doing......
Anyways I think this will be the last of the 'play-by-play' of my Eharmony adventures for now.
I am certainly not being positive or sending out the positive karma and all that lovely crap hehe, so I will work on that by not venting here.....

(oh and not to mention they may stumble upon this and realize those are their answers and I am talking about them oops)

Not to fret... I will try to talk about more positive stuff soon......... I hope........ :p

Stuck .... here......

Eharmony. Ugh!!
Signed up for a free Profile thingy and saw all my matches a while ago.
Did not sign up to communicate because I am just not into it.
However.. recently I gave in and......I did.
Why?
.
.
.
.
Sale.
(Ha ! the laughter!)
Cheapness - what a motivation to get a jump on my social life!
I wonder if I get what I pay for?

Started communicating....
Stuck. Cant go on.
This is why:
(Communicating with 2 guys at the moment, lets call them R and D)

Under R's "Cant Stands":
Excessive Overweight...
I can't stand someone who is overweight.
Now, I am not over weight. But for some reason this bugs me. Like he is intollerant of how others look. I duno.

Under D's "Must Haves":
Passionate...
I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.
So, call me a prude. But I'm thinking perv. I duno.

I keep going back and trying to say - Oh just keep an open mind. Least they being honest right?
But when ever I go back to answer the open-ended questions they have waiting for me.... these things keep ringing in my head.

Humph! 2 matches that I thought were the better choices of all the matches.... and I am at a roadblock already. Seems like I feel like I am forcing this to work. UGH! I dun wanta!

I think ...................Im gonna put this off ...... for yet another day.


---------------------
update: 1:34am Dec 3/05

When I first read these profiles over a month ago I thought: wow! amazing people! great matches. Now however, I am noticing an underlying theme amoung all match profiles:
They all want "someone to take care of me and also take care of yourself because I am not going to!" Interesting.

Mind your business!

Its wierd.
At my work they are practically all married or have an significant other.
Its just me, this older guy, and this RPN.
We are the singledoms.

However, it is me that they ask:
"So do you have a bf?"
Or they joke:
"Oh you made cookies... you must have a man in your life"
Or they ask:
"So lets hope by next year you are engaged to be married" (that one was from a patient)

I was in the staff lunch room today and the RPN was there and some younger married guy. We were talking about the staff Christmas party. RPN asks me : so what are you bringing to the potluck?
I attempt to answer and the married guy says under his breath " 5 men"
WTF?
Now this guy jokes alot and always is the one to ask if I am seeing anyone or getting married soon.
I was thinking ..... sup with that?! Why does he ask me that? Why cant he joke like that with the RPN? I never see anyone buggin her bout a significant other.... why me?They never ask the old guy - so you seeing anyone ? So are you married? Divorced? So you bringing a special lady to the party?

Is it plastered on my head "SINGLE HERE - BUG ME" or "JUST ASK ME ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE - GO ON, I LIKE IT"??
I duno.
Maybe I'm being touchy.
But seriously.... I do often wonder what it is about people that impell them to ask others about their personal life?
I never ask people, let alone colleagues, if they are seeing someone or if they are married or dating someone. Why do they feel they have to ask that? And why especially me?!
I never bring it up - they do! I mean if they were talking and mentioned their wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend or kid or cat or dog, then I ask about it - just for conversations sake. But ask out of no where?

Sheesh!

(yes in another mood of mine today)