Lou Sir

Say that title very fast many times.
Yep thats me!

*kicks myself* (brace yourself for one of my not so great moments)

Grrr I say things
But do I ever listen to me?
Nooooooooooo!

Lets see.... not so long ago I was talking about something....
what was it.....

BASIC MAINTENANCE!

Gez!

*Thumps head against the wall*

So today was my clinic day. I usually dress more professional, than causal on Tuesdays. But today was different. I woke up tired, feeling Blah. Was raining galore, very gloomy out and not to mention COLD! I wanted to be warm and comfy and professional clothes just dont do that for me. I wore my warm kahki cords and a black turtleneck. I did however put makeup on (only plus today). And I skipped putting my hair up and I thought tying it up in a neat pony tail will do. And my glasses.

Got on the subway platform at Sheppard Station and found my usual waiting spot. And I looked towards the subway train to see if it was coming and happened to glance beside at the young gentleman 5 ft away from me....

At this point he is turning his head the same way as me (to the right) so I only see the back of his head. Then he turns to face the tracks so I see his profile.
Humm, not bad, kinda cute (I say in my head. I usually size up the opposite sex of roughly the same age automatically - Its a singles thing ingrained in me)
Then a sense of familiarity runs by me almost in s-s-s-l-o-o-w-w motion but for some reason this happens in a matter of seconds.
Boy.... he kinda... looks..... like ....... OMG!
I say this in my head just as he is about to turn to the left and face me. I quickly turn my head to the left too so far you could almost think I was an owl.
Stay or go... stay or go ? I dont think he would remember me. But what if he does? Then I would have to talk to him. I duno what to say. Oh wait.... I look like crap! Of all days! That would suck. After all these years and I look like crap. He'd think Im going downhill....ok go!
Still with my head turned to the left I walk towards my left.... away from him, weave in and out of people and find a spot hidden from him.

Gez, can we just paint a large L on my forehead Pleeeeeeeaaaassse?!

Who is this guy you ask? An old boyfriend? An affair? Someone I made a fool out of myself infront of? Why the drama?
No big deal actually... (Hence the L you are painting on my head at the moment, do it now! At least it will justify my existence!)
He is just a guy I remember from Frosh week my first year University. Dave. Some dude that was way too cool but kinda kept eyeing me throughout the whole thing. I thought he was cute but out of my league (ahem, meaning I was in a lower league - I'm not that vain ya know!) In the end he actually said I was very pretty. But nothing became of it since I was my usual cold self hehe, that and the fact a friend of mine kept describing him as a "player".

Ah I feel soooooooooo Immature! (keep painting that L would ya?!)
Thing is, whenever you see anyone from your past- whether it be a class reunion or just bumping into them on the street. You kinda sorta want to look and be in a better place than when you knew them long ago right? And sometimes your OLD insecurities come back, the ones you felt when you knew that person back in the day. Same thing here. My only console is that I think : Its not much of a loss since I dont hardly know this guy, we just did small talk every now and then when I saw him on campus and he dropped out 2nd yr to go to college for Criminology.

I can kick myself!
#1) I let my insecure thoughts get in the way today
#2) Maintenance. DUH. Helps fight away insecurites.
#3) I have accomplished so much since then what am I insecure about?!
#4) I missed out on a really nice opportunity to actually find out how someone I knew from long ago is doing!... I mean, things happen for a reason and when for some reason, in this big-ol- world, you meet up with an old aquaintance - Grrrr just say hello! Its usually a blessing in your day.

I tend to do that alot. When I see someone I know from long ago I either want to retreat or jump in and say hello. Thoughts can get in the way.

.... Oh and what did you say??? You say you ran out of paint for that L you are painting on my head did you? I know I know - its a very large L.