Singledom

A song from a Friend.....

2007-04-26T07:19:00.000-04:00

A friend told me to listen to this

More Country <--- "Missing an Angel" By Johnny Reid ......sorry about the video its an amateur one and blurry (Sound is clearer via limewire) - but the song is nice and so with the words....

And he is Canadian too!

Wrong answer

2007-04-23T11:48:00.000-04:00

I think I just joined facebook to snoop around and find out whats been happening with people I know from the past. Nosey me.

FB convo this am with a friend:

Me: ".......my league has finished and it sucks cause now I notice my pants feeling tighter..."
Guy: "mmmmm .... you in tight pants..."
Me: "Yes, tight pants with a muffin top" hehe
Guy: "Yeah. Not a good visual. Thanks."

BUZZZZ! Wrong answer!

Right answer:
Guy: "Well your muffin is cute no matter what" - or anything similar to this anyhow......

I really should stop with the self-depreciation comments.

Lovely. Just effin Lovely.

2007-04-21T20:53:00.000-04:00

Well despite my introspective analyzing as to Why oh Why am I single (trying not to put the blame elsewhere) and my simple simple question as to where are all the good men.....

I bring you this.......

Its just a thought, but somehow I feel like I am swimming upstream.

Words Women Use:

2007-04-05T10:09:00.000-04:00

(excuse my laziness - just not in the mood to write much. This is an OLD email that was sent to me)

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut the fuck up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five
Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes
to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in
fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Do It and DIE!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about
nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can
make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying FUCK YOU !

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong",
for the woman's response refer to # 3.

Feeling Blah :(

2007-04-01T20:24:00.000-04:00

Frustrated. Sudden dip in hormone level probably......

Anyhow, was cleaning the crap outa my place today - I seem to scribble notes everywhere and I have pieces of paper all over the place...
I tend to jot down songs that I like when I hear them - I will share one (but I will NOT put the video here - you will see why - sexy glasses on the drummer and the keyboardist - dont ya think? This video is older than me whoo hoo - makes me feel just a tad bit younger)

Pick up line of the day:
(One day I plan on using this on one VERY lucky guy)

"Your the cutest thing that I ever did see,
I really love your peaches, want to shake your tree"

Be aggressive, dont be too aggressive ......

2007-03-27T23:34:00.000-04:00

- do this dont do that.....

*Sigh*

Dear David,

Why must life be Oh so complicated?!

Double Dipping

2007-03-26T09:39:00.000-04:00

Since I was on the subject of Married men in my last post.....
I'm going to fish out a post from my drafts :
.......................

(Feb 6/07):

I was contemplating joining the gym in my area instead of paying a chunk load just for the squash league. I had a few visits to the front desk with a few different people. There is this one man in particular that sticks in my head. I dont want to seem fulla myself or have such an inflated head - but a gal kinda knows when a simple look is beyond a simple look. There is the smile to it - but "interested smile" and somewhat of a smirk, that they cannot get rid of no matter how much they try to be serious when explaining the details of the membership costs to you. And there is also the fact that I only met him once to sign in my name in passing and quite a few weeks later and no other encounters, he knows my name without me having to give my card. With all the traffic that gym sees, maybe he just has an amazing memory. He too has a gold ring on his wedding ring finger.

Those with a blog and those attached to their pc's know how addicting chatting by IM can be. I met a person once in IM (not in person). It was back in '04 when I was addicted. (hehe - admitting your addiction is half the battle - I digress) He stood out for a number of reasons, some of which are his intellect, his genuine interest in me as a person, his thoughtfulness, his personality, his attentiveness, his humor, the things we had in common and that he was a good listener. He was married. I found this out early on, but only after his personality had already intrigued me. I continued talking to him abit - more so about his family and his wife. He seemed to be troubled - despite how highly successful he was. I was trying to get him to realize why he fell in love with his wife in the first place. Maybe I was just too optimistic and blindly believed that I could actually patch up the rough spots in his marriage. He told me of a "friend" he was getting to know in his city that he was contemplating having an affair with. I told him how that hurt to hear that, how disheartened I was and discouraged - especially with the stupid ideals I had about wanting to be married myself and finding "the one" and how he supposedly had that already and was about to throw that all away! Something a single - somewhat hopeful person would not understand I guess. I didnt understand how someone could not talk to his own wife about his problems. How someone that is supposed to be your best friend as well as lover would not try to understand when you confide in them.
Despite our interesting talks - we lost touch. And that is a good thing. I would like to assume it was because he realized that talking to his own wife about his issues was what he needed to do, instead of telling me all this. I would like to think that that happened and that he is finally happy.

I remember back in the day, when I had a crush on Beef boy. A few months after I got over it he started talking about his gf. (who knew?) But he was talking crap about her. Oh lovely. I would say hello to her as she came into the school and ring up his office to let him know she was in and I would hear discouraged groans on the other end. He would tell me and all the rest of the staff how "crazy" she was and all the psycho things she did that made him miserable. Of course he said this to us to again support for team-beef-boy. But it didnt sway me. It only confirmed my decision that getting over him was the best thing I could have done.

I look around and wonder why it is that many married/ attached men (or married/attached women) are the ones that seem more active in finding someone else? Or connecting with someone else? A friend said today - why couldnt that attention come from a single guy instead of a married one?
I asked - is marriage that boring?! If so, why are many of us single people striving to find that or find our "life partner". The grass is always greener I suppose. It almost (I stress the word - almost) seems as though many of those attached-eye-wanderers are the ones looking to play around or have their cake and eat it too - than the singletons. I could be wrong in many ways of course. Its like they want to tap into "fresh meat" (singletons) while they have their own meat at home to have. Greedy? Maybe its partly that too.

But really I call them: Double dippers.
They have their chip, use the dip, and then turn around and use that same chip to help themselves to more dip! When others are standing there, chip in hand, ready for dip - but it ends up being spoiled and F-ed up cause someone F-ed it over. Ya know what you are left with dont ya? Thats alot of spoiled dip and alot of hungry party goers who end up drinkin themselves silly and having to nibble on the dry chips or even plain veggies, wondering where all the good dip has gone.

Or maybe it can be simply that they made a mistake. They are second guessing their decision. I can understand that........ when it comes to buying shoes or a top that doesnt look right with the rest of my wardrobe.
But to them I say:
Tough Lucky Buddy! Made your bed now lay in it!
Sheesh!
People cannot be compared to shopping (as I questioned before)
Once you made your decision, take the responsibility and respect that and the person you chose.

Hah! Maybe I am too naive and too harsh. Heaven forbid this happen to me. But still from what I have seen lately - its not right.
If you want to "change your mind" or you are not happy, do everyone a favor and let go of the one you are with, so both of you can move on. This can hold true not only for the marrieds but also for the takens (ppl in relationships). No overlapping ppl, no double dipping. It spoils the dip for everyone else.

Did I just save myself from looking like a fool?

2007-03-21T21:03:00.000-04:00

Or am I a fool?

Probably the later. I hope the former. Cause things happen for a reason .... right?Right!?
Gah! I am so frustrated with myself! (yet again)

So tonight was my last class of Wing Chun.
I decided about a week ago that - despite my interest in this form of martial arts - I am not signing up for the next class. Not this spring anyways.
Why ? Mostly due to the instructors (- seriously, is Halitosis contagious? or another form of self defence? gez) And partly due to the fact my only good free rest night is Wednesday night - which staff parties and Rib night are usually reserved for (now watch - the rest of my Wednesday nights will remain free).
Well I found the instructors to favor a particular girl in the class and it wasnt me. Thats fine - despite my jealous tendencies. But the last 2 classes I found them to be quite condescending to ME. Things like "oh well you cannot master this move so its best you just dont use it at all" (I only practiced it for 5 min) Or, waving his hand in front of my face, pointing me out and saying "helllooo hellooo do you understand what I just said?" Or maybe I am just being too sensitive. Whatever the case is - I may need to take a break and he needs to take a breath mint - or at least brush his teeth before class! Blegh!

But my frustration comes with me not saying something where - maybe - just maybe - something could / should have been said. No, not with my instructors. But this guy in my class. Actually, I believe I labelled him as "the married guy" in my last post about this class.
Ya married. And NO. - I dont go for taken men.
Thing is he has been wearing this gold ring on his wedding ring finger so I figured he was married. End of story right? I saw it a few times then never checked again after that.
Average guy. Average looking. Actually very nice, easy going, kind smile, welcoming, friendly, good humoured. (ya - I hear the "uh ohs")
Oh ya and did I mention thoughtful? He actually burned a CD for me that the instructor lent out to the students in the 2nd and 3rd classes but I missed those classes. He didnt even know if I was coming back to the class or had dropped out. Nice huh?
Oh yeah back to the ring thing. So he seemed like this average guy, who I figured was married so I didnt think much of him. Until he started to remind me of this guy I know. This guy I know who I am attracted to alot and think very highly of.
Gah! This link. Stupid link. All it takes is that simple link and then he starts to look more attractive to me.
So I force my mind to leave it at that. But I kept hearing this voice saying - shucks - why do the nice guys have to be taken?! Why couldnt this guy be unattached? Why? Maybe the ring was nothing - you know - like some weird looking school ring or something. Or maybe he is of a nationality where the "wedding ring finger" is on the right hand instead of left? He never even mentioned his other half - like the others did, even about Valentines day - he said he was working late that night. Maybe he doesnt know any better about what ring to wear on what finger? Maybe? Please? A tiny chance of? Nah, didnt think so.

Soooooz tonight I notice that he wasnt wearing his ring. Nada.
How long has this been happening?
Hummm? Ok stop thinking 'hummm'! No No he is married. Married. Maybe he just took it off since we have to wear hand wraps and that would be uncomfortable when punching? But we arent punching today - just going over the Kata/ forms...? I was confused.
Maybe I was confused because I was hoping he wasnt married.

So I was talking to him at the beginning of the class and he asked if I was going to join the next class.
"No it doesnt really go with my schedule - I have missed alot of classes already. How about you?"
Yeah he is joining the next class and we continue on with the small talk about other schools that teach Wing Chun - blah blah blah. Then the instructors come in to begin class and mess up my convo with him.

Class was uneventful. It ended and the next one starts next week. I said my goodbyes and left the class after he did. He was walking in front of me and was already at his car when I got out of the building. The end.
Then as I got into my car I had the realization of the whole finality of it all. So I had this opportunity to meet this nice person and that is that. Finito. Did I use that opportunity well? Was there supposed to be more? I got overwhelmed with a feeling of loss. Loss that I could have - AT LEAST - said something to clear up my confusion. I had nothing to lose right?

Driving home I thought that I could have at least said "So is your wife joining you in the next class?"

Wow talk about delayed reaction. I always think of what to say only after the fact.

Am I a fool for not saying something? Or did I save myself from making a fool of myself?
Do I kick myself for another opportunity lost?

Well, its over with. So I'm just going to try to push this frustration aside and go with my first assumption. He is married. And he is a nice guy. And its really good the class is over. Especially since he is married..... right?!

Time for a change

2007-03-06T16:10:00.000-05:00

"Where are all the good single men? No, not the moma's boy with a jellyfish back bone, not the "I'm really in the closet and afraid to come out" guy, not the commitment Phobic who really wants to leave his options open, and not the "I need a woman to support me" kind of guy either. Simple question but there is no answer......"

So this is what has been the intro to this singles blog since the beginning of time.... Can you believe I only had only a handful of guys attempt to answer this question via email? Some who wanted to be my friend, some who wanted to learn the English language from me (haha - stop laughing - grammar is so not my fortay) but a couple of answers that stuck - things we kinda already know but it is just confirmed when actually written to me....

1)Hi there, came across your blog, read your description, and just wanted to quickly give you a simple answer. They're shy. Many (not all) of the good single men are just very shy. Not spineless, just shy, so you never really get to met them. Doesn't help you much I realize, but just thought I'd let you know. - Tim

2)I think it's geographically messed up so moving to a better area will give you better results. -Benjamin

Well lets start with #2. Sometimes it is true. He lives in Silicone Valley and there are apparently more men than women there. So his selection of women are filled with the "snotty type" since these gals have their pickins. He found his gal in another city. I agree with this in the sense that it has to do with the ratio imbalance I alluded to along time ago. ie: More men than women = women have their pick, so most likely they dont always treat the men so nice. More women than men = the men have their pick so the crop of men available arent always behaving at their best - they dont need to. (These are big/ though valid generalizations - so dont harp on me - not all people are like this)
A glance over stats Canada said that there are more men than women in ------- city and -----city. So I think if times become desperate Ima fly my ass up there :) Oh and by the way, you didnt think I would actually name off those cities did you?! In a ratio imbalanced world - Its every single gal for her self! haha.

Okies on to #1 - cause this is my biggest beef. Fine Tim, they are shy. I get it. And I have seen it. And NO - this absolutely doesnt help me. Me - being shy myself. Yay. So we sit in our silences waiting till we grow grey hairs before someone makes the first move, and by then it would probably mean someone finally saying "Hey, can you pass the Polident" .

Gah! To those shy but NICE guys - I may even have seen a glimpse of you - a'la loch ness monster- in the corner of the bar for a split second - I say to them - GET UP OFF YOUR ASSES AND COME OVER ! Be the MAN dude. Be the Man! That is why some shy nice guys end up with women that whop their asses. Dont cry to me when your Norbit's Gal comes beating you up for looking my way. Ya should have done something when you had the chance buddy, you should have. How does it help us nice people to procreate nice kids and spread all our niceness when you sit at home or in the corner of the bar and joke with your guy friends and do not leave your comfortable shell? Some nice guys complain about how gals are mean and turn guys down all the time and thus they dont want to expose themselves to such harsh behavior. Well, have you thought that the reason our defences are always up is because we are sick and tired fending off the obnoxious greaseballs you have left us with?! Of course 'nice guys will finish last' if ya just sit there and not speak up for yourself!

Here is my agreement. I will give you the eye contact when I see you - dont you turn your head away from me - this is a feat in itself for me. Then I will also give you a smile. And when I smile at you - dont sit there confused and content with just that. I will spell it out for you : that is sign-launguage for the go-ahead. Now with all that - which is an effort in itself for a shy gal like me, I would want you to make the first move. Say hello, start up a normal conversation, no lines, just be you meeting me. Yes you! You First. Not me first. You! Call me old fashioned. But for some strange reason, I believe that if I were to make the first move, then I would have to do the first everything. And by first everything - I mean : I would have to decide if we should go on a date, then I would have to ask for your number, then I would have to decide when, and then I alone would have to decide where to go, then I would have to pick you up, then I would have to drive you home, then I would have to initiate the first kiss, then I would have to change your friggin diapers - sheesh ..... and so on and so on. Then that would mean that I would be wearing the pants in this relationship and this would mean I would have bigger balls than you. I would be more manly than you. And frankly, I dont want a girly man. Not only does it make us the man, it also can make us the "aggressor, the stalkerish psycho gal, or the desperate easy gal". What ever happened to the Gentlemen? To Chivalry?

So to rehash - I will give you the signal, you speak up first, then I will reciprocate back - and I will be friendly, though shy, and maybe reserved at first (because I will be figuring out if you are the greaseball or the shy nice guy). But your kind, honest personality will shine though, and same with your hidden cuteness - and it will be a wonderful balanced relationship - where we share in our equal awesome wonderfulness and where you wear your pants and be the man and I wear my sexy jeans and feel like a gal. We wear them only until neccessary of course. ahem.

So seriously, to the Nice 'manly' single guys that I am looking for: take off that girly dress, stop staying at home watching 24, or the game or hibernating at a sports bar or playing hockey and going straight home, or waiting around to hang out with your married friends or getting lost in the green at a deserted golf course get up off your ass and LOOK FOR ME! For crying out loud I am trying to get out there and look for you - dont make me do all the work. Re-claim your manhood.

I think I will need to change my intro. Since it is quite out dated for how I feel..... gotta think of something soon......

What am I Reading?

2007-03-05T09:55:00.000-05:00

Humm I just been tagged by...... a man - a virgin man at that too! I'll take it! How fitting - since this. is. my first. tag. be gentle. haha :-P

Anyways - what am I reading ..... well cant you tell by my grammar? I dont read.
Actually - I'm reading one of them Oprah list books - its a thin book, a self help book of course - and I am taking my good ol' time getting through it..
Its called The Four Agreements - by Don Miguel Ruiz - the beginning was alittle out there and confusing but now that I have started reading about the actual agreements - its getting pretty good. I'm just on the "be impecable with your word" agreement - pretty interesting what he says about gossip. Sometimes we dont even know we are spreading it. And its interesting how he explains that what we say always reflects itself on us in the end. I guess he explains things we already know - but it helps to hear it again and explained so well by someone else.

Yes - there are many books that I have started and have not got around to finishing yet either....
-The automatic billionare - David Bach (thanks to my bank lady)
-some old Tax book - Tim Crestnick
-Confessions of a Shopaholic - Sophie Kinsella - cant seem to get into this

Though my favorite book of all time - one that I really love reading over and over - especially when making life decisions is The Alchemist - by Paulo Coehlo

And that's about it. Now I have to tag a few people myself.....

teahouse

anny

stucky

knitgirl

Im not into Country

2007-03-03T17:04:00.000-05:00

But for some reason I have been posting a couple of mushy songs that are. I was talking to a friend of mine from KY last night. I was listening to her playlist - which of course had alot of country in it. I saw a couple of CD covers as well. Humph. Some of them boys are kinda cute! Wouldnt it be so funny if this asian gal went country ......
Anyhow, another mushy song whose words I like are posted here.

listen to Rascal Flatts - Bless the Broken Road

Pretty hopeful - despite all my rants on this blog.

Belated advice....

2007-02-23T19:32:00.000-05:00

Came across this today....... good. I wasnt doing anything bad, phew!
But from this experience I know that it is confusing as anything and my mind was spinning - and there were only two.

Happy Valentines

2007-02-14T10:06:00.000-05:00

Despite the singledom looming over me on this dreaded excluding-singles day.....

I was driving in the snow storm this morning (gah was an hour late for work!) and had to take a pic(sorry I have a bad cell cam) of this unsuspecting person....

He was walking through the blowing snow, along a busy stretch of road, during early morning traffic, holding his large, brightly wrapped, bouquet of roses for his valentine - for all to see. How sweet is that?! In a world where most guys are shunned for being outwardly romantic, being called whipped and cheesy, or unmanly and all the like. Brave of him. You go guy! You go!

....ok the day has only begun. And I am in a good mood. And I am wearing red.

Ask me at the end of the day and I will probably be sick of seeing things like this .........

When to call, when not to call?

2007-02-12T23:12:00.000-05:00

Well I wasnt going to post about this and I even let a draft sit in the back ground since the end of January. But I was giving in to my addiction (blog reading) again during work today (shhh) and I came across a blogger who brought the topic up again.

My draft just went everywhere so I will try to summarize here (so 50 pages long instead of 100 ha!)

A few weeks back I got together with some old HS friends. At one point it was my gfs and I interrogating a single guy friend of ours about when/if it is appropriate to call a) after a first date b) When you want to end it.

A few things he said stuck in my mind:
1) Apparently some gal he went out with "broke the rule!" about calling after a good first date. Apparently, she called him (or was it an email I forget). Either way - it was wrong. Why? I asked. Because, he was supposed to do it first. He was supposed to initiate the first contact. Guess it made her look needy or something?
2) I refused to accept this! Especially since this particular guy friend also thought it OK to call a gal 4 days - erm FOUR DAYS! - after a first date to say he wanted to go out again and make plans. Of course my gfs disagreed with this. We said at this point - she would have well forgotten you and figured you were not interested. Anyhoo - side note: apparently #1 is supported by the recent Cosmo mag I glanced over during my 3 hour pit stop at Philly. I hardly ever read Cosmo. Go figure.
3) So to finish expanding on point #1) this guy friend said that he just didnt contact her back. IE. Didnt call her back. Ya. To end it he took the passive route. The route that leaves the other person thinking - what went wrong. Did he get my message? Did he miss it an think I was ignoring him? What is the reason he didnt think it could work? Yep all that nonsense stuff that rumbles in the mind of someone who is not given closure. Even if they can rightfully assume they know the reason, it would still be good to hear it (I think).

Of course I gasped at #3 when he said this. Thinking of a particular instance, I thought gah - who ever takes that route is total jerk, a wuss, own up to it an take responsibility, give a reason dont chicken out and let things fade to black, be mature! All this guy friend said was "well, I'm sure they can take the hint anyways". That doesnt make it better. That statement actually makes the gal look worse for not reading between the lines. How mean is that?! Yes, this passive omission is wrong people, wrong !Dont do it! If you are going to turn someone down say it! Give them closure. (so they can hate you in a milder way hehe). A gf's explanation to this was - "well guys just dont want to be looking like the bad guys, they dont want to be the one to bring the bad news" - WEll tell ya what - It actually makes them look worse than bad by doing this. It reminds me of when a little kid is confronted with a question they dont want to answer and they
sit in a corner with their hands over their ears saying "la-la-la-la-la" hoping the question will go away.

Ahhhh ok so I posted about this. My draft was collecting dust which was great because I felt I was over it. Until I read this post today and this one, and I had to put in my 5 cents :) And he is right, they are assholes ....... erm........ sorta ........... lemme explain .......

-------------- (take break here for long winded story)-----------------

BUT all this being said - I aint perfect (shocking huh?). And I find myself in this same situation. Role reversal. So I went out with this nice guy a couple months ago. Everything about him was great but I wasnt attracted to him. Then his one sided attraction made it seem like he was ..... needy. I told him I wasnt on the same page as him. Needed time away. And didnt want to lead him on, because even after the time away, I cant say that there will be anything anyways. I wouldnt have minded to stay friends because we had a good time hanging out. I said I would/ may/might contact him at the end of January to see how he was doing. Now its February and Im thinking (cause of my rampant wuss accusations earlier) he needs to be told. Oui? Non?
Here is the kicker.

I just dont feel like it.

Bleh.

pooh on me.
No - dont thats gross. Its an expression, not a fetish.

But still.

I'm thinking : I dont feel like dealing with an explanation, and thinking of ways to 'put it nicely' and yes, turning someone down makes me feel down and bad, not good.And I dont wanta feel like crap. And I'm not sure anymore if I do want to remain as a friend to this person in fear that it would give this person hope. And I rather cut it off now than lead anyone on. And he kinda seems needy and that makes me feel icky.
(side note: if someone says they need a break - give it to them, dont send them notes to remind them of you during this break time - it only puts them off)

So there. I answered my own thoughts as to why jerks dont call back, when they say they will or make it seem they will.

...........................

But alas I am not a jerk or a wuss - I will talk to him about it. Maybe this week. Not so close to the Vday though. I will. No, I'll try. I'll try to talk to him and give him closure. Though I think by now he has it, and he probably has moved on to some other gal. Which would be good. Then I would look like the foolish one. But thats ok.

Vday approaching

2007-02-11T14:28:00.000-05:00

Ha! with Vday approaching I might as well post about it now, since I will be spending that night at my self defence class anyways (yes, instead of going out on a romantic date I will learning how to fend off, and cause bodily harm to men instead - ya wonder why I'm single huh)

Well - I'm not really posting much (as a singleton) but this article was a cheesy, yet distracting read for the day.....

It states:
{Wear it on your sleeve: “I always wore red on Valentine's Day to show that I was embracing the holiday even though I was single,” said my friend Carolyn, who has since met and married her Valentine. “I thought that might save me from any ‘poor, pitiful single you’ comments and prevent anyone from tiptoeing around me that day fearing that I was feeling blue.” And it worked, Carolyn said: “How can anyone surmise that you’re feeling blue if you’re decked out in red?”}

I guess I will have to put away my "all-black-dont-ask-me-anything-and-stay-away" outfit for another day and try to don some red on the 14th ....... I'll see if it works......

2007-02-07T10:06:00.000-05:00

Watch Videos:

Love You Lately (Daniel Powter) Video Codes by Video Code Zone

Just a thought

2007-02-06T15:46:00.000-05:00

(yay not another rant)

I was reading through a few favorite blogs and as usual, one link led to another.
Then, as I read some guy's interesting blog, I thought to myself - What if you were reading a blog of someone you knew - not someone you were close to, but just someone you knew. But because of the anonymity of it all - you never found out that you actually knew this person from the blog world, in real life. And what if this person was someone you didnt really care for but in the 'blog world' you admired their thoughts and how they wrote, maybe even communicated via comments back and forth. And you just carried on with life - not liking this person in real life and then liking them from their blog - and both never connected.

Yeah - probably wouldnt happen - given enough information you would probably figure out who that person was I suppose.

Just a thought though.

Dang I'm bored!

Just a thought, now carry on with what you were doing...... :)

Sometimes a smile is all you get

2007-01-29T16:28:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I was wandering through Terminal F of the Philadelphia International
Airport trying to kill my 3 hour wait time for my transfer flight back to T.O.
As I was wandering I was noticing that there were quite a few good looking fellows walking around that airport as well. Who knows - must be my fixation with PA or the fact I was coming from Orlando Airport - full of families and children.
As I was walking down one section - I noticed a very handsome Yum of a man walking toward me going the opposite way.
Lets listen to what I was saying in my head shall we?
Ok Ok dont stare or glare, look away, now casually glance back, .... whoa niiiiiice, 1 second only, Ok look away again, hey wait a minute - was he looking at me too or just glancing my way by accident? Naw couldnt be. He is in a nice suit, I am in my jeans and hoodie. Ok descretely check him out again - one second glance, then look away again - hey he is looking back at me. Humm. I'd say late 20s or early 30s. Niiiice. Ok he passed. Im not going to turn and look past my peripheral vision. (This all took a matter of seconds btw)

Wow that was one piece of eye candy. Black suit, (or was it dark navy?) and blue button down, crisp collar shirt, tall, short hair and brown eyes. No ring. And he doesnt look like he swings the other way. Good stuff all around. It was Sunday - was he coming back from Church? Or leaving a business or professional conference? Or probably someone's Saturday night male escort?

Anyhow that moment came and went and I forgot about it. I looked at the time - I knew my flight was at 1pm. I walked back in the direction I came and checked my boarding pass. Boarding time 12:25?! what the?! - Just then when I had the 'What the?!' face on, it changed to a 'oh hey now' kinda face - cause it was Brown eyes again! He comes right out of the washroom directly in front of me - wowza. He was just a few metres in front of me - looking directly at me. He continued walking to pass me and was looking at me still. And me - looking at him. Was he looking at me or looking at me look at him or vice versa? hahaha. Seriously - it seemed all slow- mo from there. At that point it would be rude to just look away (ha - us Torontonians are used to being that way), so I gave him a nice smile (Unusual for this here T.O gal) He gave me a warm smile back. We continued to look at each other smiling for a total of - 2 seconds more then we continued on to what we were doing.

I make my way to my gate and have a seat. Brown eyes man is no where to be seen. Oh well - I thought - thats how it goes in airports people coming and going. I check the time and ponder if I should whip out my bagel and cream cheese and start munching away like the hungry pig that I am. Just then who comes walking toward the gate? Brown eyes. Gah! He is going to T.O too!
Thing is, this time he sees me and does what all us in T.O do - the usual. Takes a glance, then looks forward and walks to his seat, as if we didnt smile at each other a few minutes ago. Here, it seems the familiar are quick to be strangers again when out of context - if there is any context to be made.

My seat was no where near his on the plane. Then a buncha other ppl from some cancelled flight came in to fill up every seat so we were set in our places.

The end.

Anti-climactic yes? yes.

You see, in the movies (or in my head) I would luck out and would have been booked to sit right beside him. And he wouldnt of had that T.O 2nd reaction. I would have commented on the book he was reading and he would have commented on the book I was reading. Then at the end of that hour flight we would have enjoyed each others company so much and exchanged numbers.
Then I would say, 'the end'. (with a 'happily ever after' of course - since I was coming from Orlando)

But nooooooo, the story goes: they smile at each other, the end.
Nothing else but a smile. The end.
And that is all you are given. Even though we lucked out enough to be in the same city at the moment, on the same flight and going to the same city, but still -
The end.

Yes long story for such and anti-climactic ending.

So Mr. Brown eyes on flight 4010 US Airways, gate F26 thanks for the smile even though that is all we were given....

"Everybody Wang Chung tonight.."

2007-01-17T23:01:00.000-05:00

ha I think I am showing my age :P

Actually, it is Wing Chun.
Some self defence thing I just started tonight. Yes - Im too lazy to actually take the real Karate stuff - or maybe it is called being impatient? I have tried Wen-do, Aikido and now this. Its just an 8 session class.
Its different - cant quite make out if it is for me or not.
Im a wuss, I cannot get too injured, especially my hands - need them for work. So just show me the moves to kill and Im good to go - haha kidding kidding. I dont want to kill anyone. Or any guy for that matter............... yet.........kidding again..... really I am.

Anyhoo, its a combat system developed by Monks long ago, that is based on the "Conservation of Energy" idea. (Gah wish it could train my mind to stop over thinking - that is where I expend most my energy). I'm excited!
That is the good part.
Now the bad parts.
So we were going over deep breathing techniques. The instructor had to show me how to - cause he was going around correcting everyone in the class. Gah I almost died! How can I deep breathe when he has bad breath?! Thats enough of a combat technique to have me pass out! Then when he talks he foams at the sides of his mouth. Gah! I gotta bear with this - look away look away and ask questions from afar.

Ok where was I and why am I posting this here.... Oh yes the class - quite small I must say. How embarrassing. (some didnt show up) But I guess I would learn better I think? 3 gals and 2 guys. - HA! ratio thing again. One guy is older - like say 55? and the other young guy- (younger guy as in my age) - well he is married. And the gals - we are young - I think I may be in the middle age. One is engaged and the other - I duno if she has a bf but shes not married.

And that is why - when they say you have to get out there and do things to meet guys - you have to join things you actually really like to join (I do like self defence classes) and not join only to meet men - cause if you join things only to meet men - you will be saddly disappointed and down a few $$.

And if you think this class is bad - as far as potentials, I wont even mention my squash league - yeah a whole freakin league!

But luckily I enjoy these both very much, and I cannot wait to do more this year! Hopefully, something has gotta give. C'mon - please?!!? If not Ima use what I learned and kick some .....!

Lazy Mushy Post

2007-01-16T16:56:00.000-05:00

Warning - Im in a mood. Mushy mood. I was listening to an old CD today and heard a song I know the words to but just today I saw it differently....

Push

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
Youve seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

Chorus
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
Youre the one true thing I know I can believe in
Youre all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
Youre the one true thing I know I can believe

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do cause youre too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far youll go
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

Chorus

There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise Id drown
But you pick me up & brush me off and tell me Im OK
sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day

Chorus
- Sarah Mclachlan

Quote from a friend....

2007-01-14T01:12:00.000-05:00

Was talking with a friend tonight about recent happenings and relations......

She mentioned a quote from a poster she has in her room.
I dont think I can remember the exact words, but I will take a stab at it.......

"They hurt you once, Shame on them.
They hurt you twice, Shame on you."
(thanks L! :) )

Knowing is an interesting thing. I guess sometimes we cant all live things by theory. Sometimes we have to go through the hurt ourselves to learn it.

What does love mean?

2007-01-11T13:29:00.000-05:00

.... An email that I recieved the other day........

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,

"What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

(We need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a
contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly
gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard,
climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Hyper

2007-01-11T11:45:00.000-05:00

Okay, my co-worker called me early this morning to say he was sick.
That means - maybe I may get some of his straggler patients wandering in and I may have to see them if need be and if I have the time.
So from 7:30 am I've been on adrenaline.

Been licking my wounds this week - can you believe I actually felt hurt by that "Bad" guy?! Gah! Yeah I can kick myself. I preech about not falling prey to "just LOOKS - no substance there" and the fact I KNEW it going into it that he wasnt too into me - I just wanted to have alittle fun. I mean, I knew he wasnt "future" material. So I wasnt puttin my eggs in his basket. But I guess its a pride thing. Maybe even a "just for the chase" thing. Nothing of any substance. So I got "I think you are gorgeous, I want to go out with you again" to "I think I will be busy for the next couple of weeks" (ie. rest of my life) from one day to the next with not much contact inbetween - Yeah he's probably gettin' some from some skank from the ski trip. I think I could have accepted that answer more better than the former. Honesty is my policy.
Guys - Please - have the balls enough to SAY WHAT YOU FEEL AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.
Nuff said.

So yes been dealing with the round about "why?" questions in my head - cause that is what I do - over think things. But as a friend said "ya just gotta let it go" - and another friend said "he doesnt deserve to have you even think of him this much". I agree - expending too much wasted energy at the moment.

One thing I can say: Its good to have friends to talk things out with - from sister in laws to anyone that will listen - no matter how idiotic I sound and ones that can take you out in the middle of the week for 2 Long Islands and an Apple Martini. (Ty R!) Slowly Im gettin my Mojo back and I actually feel so hyper I want to go on some mad dating rampage spree at the moment. Its good to re-affirm why it is that I preech what I do and actually learn it myself even if it means getting alittle injured in the process. Being Emo is all good, makes me know Im alive. And it definately makes me more sypathetic to the guys I turn down. "Worst thing you can do is Lead a person on"

Thing with being injured in the game of flirtations and the sexes is that I tend to "generalize" statements after. Which is not a good thing. Which also leads me to have "issues" (yeah well tell me someone who doesnt have issues?). I guess I should take it as: that is how that type of person is - dont take it personally cause we dont all have to match each other, listen to my gut feeling, dont be swayed by the sexy eye candy before me, or swayed by my raging hormones and his empty compliments.

BUT so I really shouldnt generalize and say that I will never believe a "salesman/sales rep" nor a guy that hides behind his "passion of cycling" when in reality, he just simply enjoys shaving his legs and wearing spandex and riding so close to other men that do the same. Ya. I wont think that. Really I wont. But it makes me feel better at the moment so I will.

Belated Happy New Year!

2007-01-06T12:08:00.000-05:00

Wishing you all a Happy New Year!!!

As for me well, I am finally on the mend. I think.
Been sick with some cold virus/sore throat thingy since Boxing day.
No fun. No fun at all.

It was worse than it sounds. Throat swelling, no sleep, hacking cough, bloody phlegm, ears sore, head ache, stiff neck, eyes tearing, nose running, sinus congestion.

So that means I began the year cancelling most of my work days - And that means I am that much behind - a whole weeks worth of patients. It means I missed out on the New Years Celebration I planned to attend. Was home alone, in bed before 12. And I cancelled some meetings with old friends - who actually wanted to set me up with a friend of her husband! And I missed out on other outings with my cousin and my little nephew - who enjoyed skating this holiday break. I also had to cancel on meeting up with some old friends who I lost touch with for abit.

Yep. I was home (apart from the 2 doctors appointments I went to) since the 27th of December. So much for my social calender huh?

I also planned to attend some speed dating thing (yea I duno if it is good just needed to get out there) but since I am backed up with work I dont think it would be nice of me to skip off early for that event.

Wow. Way to kill my mojo. Damn F-ing Cold Virus!

Oh and to top it off I have a stinkin feeling that that is the end of the other date I had too. You know, with the "bad" guy. Probably found some snow buni during his ski trip to Montreal. Go figure.

Someone and the powers that be are all telling me something dont you think?
Stay single - stay single. I guess me finding someone would cause some wicked imbalance in this world causing chaos on all sides of the earth and producing mass confusion and hysteria in the minds of all human kind.

So fine. *Looks to the sky* I get it okay. Single is me. Single I am. Sheesh.

%*%$&*&^(**)&$#&%^%^!!!!!!

My Lazy post for the new year!

2006-12-29T18:51:00.000-05:00

Look here :)

Ended.

2006-12-21T00:47:00.000-05:00

Ok I had "the talk" with the nice guy.
Realized I had to end it.
If we slowed things down, he still would be jumping 4 pages ahead, despite the fact he knew where I stood.
I realized I cannot give him any hope - even if I thought there would be hope. He has so much already.
We said to check up on each other at the end of next month.
It was sad cause he knew that this may be the last time that we talk.
So he kept talking and I am exhuasted.
Good bye and well wishing is never a good thing to go through but it needed to be done.

And maybe, the "bad" guy/the other guy will somehow disappear too by this Friday. I dont feel he has it in him to stick around just because we are attracted to each other. The distance between us may be too much of an effort (2 hours haha).

Ha! I single- handedly possibly made my self single again? Maybe?
Maybe I just Luuuuuuuv this blog too much to find someone haha, ya thats it.
I was txting my sister in law today. I said - yep Im gonna tell him, and I know Im a bitch and I have no right to complain of being single....

yep Im messed up

2006-12-20T10:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, its funny how Im in dire need of tonnes of advice but it just is trickling in. I feel like its a "oh um good luck with that" kinda thing and ppl just run away with their fingers in their ears. Or maybe ppl just are too nice to say it - that I'm an idiot or something, a bitch, a hypocrite? I duno - I can take it (I think). Or I guess no one wants to be responsible for my decisions haha.

Or maybe I know what the answer is and I just dont feel for it. Maybe I'm someone that, despite my life of always being so careful and doing the right thing - I gotta get some things/ and mistakes out of my system so I appreciate the right decision more and I will not ever be wondering of how it is do be alittle bad. At the risk of what? I duno. Maybe I do know but I just want to find out for sure.

I got this "monkey on my back" so to speak and its buggin me. Actually I have many. Im trying to sort it out. I could possibly be making the hugest (that even a word?) mistake. But with the battle of head and emotions - Ima just go with how I feel. Damn scorpio that I am! Yep - with the risk of losing a real good thing. And not gaining anything. And maybe losing more? But what is buggin me the most is the nice guy is most likely definately on page 5 and I'm just reading the prologue. That has to stop. Its not fair to him.

Ok Im going to go back to work and not think about it.
Maybe it will go away on its own and I am over thinking for nothing.
Maybe I will change my mind in an hour or two.....

Well they are only YOUR kids!

2006-12-19T17:24:00.000-05:00

I had 2 patients in the last 2 weeks who are in their teens come in for a kinda gross procedure that involved local infection and some skin that needed to be cut off. Kinda similar to having a boil on your finger or your fingernail getting ripped off or something like that.
Both times (separate families) the kid's parents could not bear to watch.
They left the room.

So Im thinking, Okay, way to give them moral support !
Serious - if you cant deal with your kids getting sick or bruises and scrapes and infections - should you really be priviledged to have kids at all?

Suck it up ppl sheesh!

No. Im not bitter. Sorry, my eggs wrote this, not me.

Recurring theme....

2006-12-19T13:53:00.000-05:00

I was on a home visit to a senior lady this morning.
She has alot going on in her life and she is sad all the time.
Her husband who has been sick in the hospital for many months passed away recently and she keeps telling me of the ongoing problems of her son, who is going through a divorce right now.
She asks me how my family is (my parents) and if I have a bf. I dont mind when she asks me this.
"naw naw I dont" I say
"Well it better that way, yes it better, dont get one, you are better off"
I kinda chuckle, "Oh really? Thats good to hear that I'm better off then"
"Im serious, it nothin but problems, it no good"
"oh no, Im sorry to hear that. I havent found a good guy yet" I say.
"If you find, you better not look for looks, that bad..." She motions her hand over her face ".... It better to look for this", she says as she points to her head.
I look at her for a second "brains?" (I'm not too sure what she means)
"Someone with a good head, looks they come and go, same with money, but if he have a good head and he good to you, that is the way to go"

Somehow this theme keeps repeating itself to me.

I was talking with a gf the other day and we discussed my choices/dilema. It was a good talk, I know what I need to do but dont know how to go about saying it (see post below).
Then the subject of my mom came up, about her having 2 proposals to choose from, and how practical she was in making her decision. Yada Yada - I think at this point I know I cannot compare, cause in many ways my mother and I are very different people. I think I have a battle between my highly emotional side and practical logical side. My mother is more practical. In so much I had to one day ask her "so when was it then that you became attracted to dad?" Her answer was simply "He was a good man, what more do you want?" Though, in discussing her situation, one thing my mother said about her decision stuck in my head even though she kinda said it in passing:

"I chose the man who would not hurt me"

if and how

2006-12-18T18:31:00.000-05:00

If you know a person is "good" for you because he is "good to you" and you have so much in common and if you know it always takes a while for you to warm up to certain guys - do you hang on to them when you arent as attracted to them ? Yes - this is after 5 dates already......

And if the answer is yes.....
How do you tell them this, in such a way you dont want them to jump 2 pages ahead of you and suffocate you, being too serious and also maybe get the wrong impression of your intentions? What do you say?

What a mess!

2006-12-15T22:49:00.000-05:00

Okay
I. am. confused.

Who would have thought that having choices was a bad thing?
Yes I know all of you that commented before told me so ... haha
I can hear it now in unison "WE told you so!"
Ok Ok now I get it. Thank you :)

Let me explain my self:
I thought that having choices was a good thing - you know - so you can compare - and get the best of the two.
But now I realize that guys are not like shopping for jeans. Narrowing it down to which checks off more points on your "list" of what you want in a pair of jeans is not the same as narrowing it down to whom ever checks off more points on the "perfect man" list. Why? - some points are more practical, and other points are more attractive - but different emotions run deep into these points as well.

Me = inexperienced dater. Yes I admit it. (Gasp!- I know you are not that shocked haha - So smack that big ol' "L" on my forehead and carry on reading!)

Until recently I have just been the one who - when put on dates - say - set ups or blind-ish/internet dates (as opposed to just naturally getting to know someone) I usually assess pretty quickly. Yay or nay. And most have been Nay - since Im extremely picky - No to bad teeth, No to no chemistry, No to someone who doesnt like me enough, No to ultra feminine men, No to guys who tell me before the date has begun "I have to leave early, I have somewhere to go", No to guys on a different wave length, No to pushy/stalkerish men, No to guys who dont get my jokes, No to guys just passing through town for a night or two, No to scruffy older biker men, No to men with son's closer to my age than I am to their age. Thats alot of NO's. And Im tired.

So maybe it is really: Me = inexperienced in giving guys a chance dater.

Now, in my senior years (or something close to it, it seems haha) I keep thinking "well I should try to give more ppl more of a chance".
Or maybe that was my eggies screaming at me again? Whatever.
Recently I come to realize that it can take me a long time to find my self attracted to really nice guys when I wasnt initally attracted to them. Mind you I was not grossed out by them either. Maybe they would be called average? Maybe I wouldnt even do a "double take" if they passed me on the street.(which is not a bad thing btw). This works well when you are around someone who you are not out to date - someone you know naturally. And I also know it is worth it when you do end up with them etc. But this concept is hard to apply to those you are initially going on a date with.

Here is where I try to explain my situation ---- cryptic mode.

Gone on some dates.
With a couple of guys.
More than once.
One guy is soooooo goood to me, I can tell he really likes me, it shows in his actions, he is established, similar background and similar family view, gentlemanly, treats me like the lady I am (psssh - stop laughing at that).
But with this guy - attraction would rate at - hummm 30%? When Im out with him its great he gets cuter - somewhat. When Im not out with him and we talk on the phone - Im bored, and slightly feel smothered and annoyed.

Other guy is well..... "meh" to me. I feel he is neither here nor there. If I turn him down he will be cool with it. If I tell him I like him he will be cool with that too. He's ok to me. Passive somewhat. BUT get this - He tells me he is attracted to me and thinks I'm really sweet and would like to date me more. Only thing he keeps talking about that we have in common is our work backgrounds. Unsure if he has the same family views as I do - he probably swings more liberal than myself. But when we go out he is fun and the date is really great and I'd like to do it again..... and dang he just keeps getting more good looking! Kinda makes me feel mushy. So attraction would be at - uh 90%.
Thing is, when we dont go out - there is practically nada convo/ chating/ emailing/ texting/ phoning. He asked if we could go out again. I said Im not feeling that he's that into me really. He re-iterated how he enjoyed going out with me, thinks I am very sweet and he is attracted to me and would like to go out again. Who knows - maybe being honest about what I thought was misinterpreted as sorta "fishing for compliments" sort of thing.

Ok - I realize that wasnt cryptic at all. It was pretty straight forward.
But none the less, Im left confused.
It looks like there may be an obvious answer there doesnt it? Maybe, maybe not. But its not an easy answer when I go out with them.
I am pulled by emotions and my head and all that messy stuff.
I dunno - maybe time will tell. But meanwhile I feel guilty of sorta seeing two guys at once. Though technically - they are just friends right now anynow right?

Do I need a note to explain my absence?

2006-12-14T10:36:00.000-05:00

Maybe.
I dont feel up going into a long schpeal about it though.
Writers block -yes. Tired of re-hashing the same complaints on this topic - yes. A slight paranoia of judgement about my poor grammar - yes.

But as of late I am feeling the need for an outlet again. Lately I have been spewing my thoughts on my email's notepad.

I may just be lazy enough to do a few cut and pastes:

August 28/06 8am

how can one meet others when you feel your heart is someone else?
Thats my question.
For example, if someone loses a loved one who they truely believe was their soul mate, how can they be open to finding someone else?
And will that someone else just be a "filler"?
Thats pretty sad I think because it is not fair to the one who is the "filler".
They are likely getting half-assed love from the one they are with.

Well, I think I may be on the cusp of just random dating - with no feeling at all. I definately feel that my heart is not up for it but I think it is something I need to do. Yes... These fellows dont stand much of a chance I would say. Maybe that is how I will come off to them then? Being Half-assed interested in the date? Not good. Sometimes I can have a fun time on dates and yet know deep down it wont work.

About a boy and an email....

2006-12-04T16:04:00.000-05:00

Gah I dont know why this always bothers me.
It happens all the time so I should expect it.
And NO, Im not that into this guy.
There is a certain boy.... man.... lets call him Beefy man or Beefy boy.
Cause he is beefy. Not fat. Muscular.
But anyways - where was I?
Oh yes, and then there is email.

Do you ever have one of those fairweather friends who only keeps in touch every once in a blue moon?
And by "keeping in touch" I mean - you are the one that somehow contacts them first - always. Then they say their little thing of catching up and then they disappear again for a while?

Well I have this friend. "Friend" or F- Friend (not that F friend you gutter minded fellows!) - Fairweather friend.
I send forwards of emails to a bunch of ppl - then he says hello whats up, then I answer and then it takes another how many years for the next email back.

This happens everytime and it bothers me. Why? Cause I still get alittle surprised when he emails back. (It was only a foward I sent - sheesh) And then I answer back along with some of my own questions. I get alittle excited to catch up again. And then I - like the loser I am, check my email every now and then - to see if he responded.

Its like watching paint dry.

Frig!

Whatever - beefy boy!

To Choose or not to Choose?

2006-12-03T23:26:00.000-05:00

I wonder if having choices makes things more confusing???!
I was asking my gf this "hypothetical question" - you know - like shopping for a pair of jeans or something...
Finally she said "Um men are not like a pair of jeans you know"

2006-11-11T19:04:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes you think you know what it is you want......
Then someone comes along and shows you what you need"
- Author Unknown

New FAv song....

2006-07-24T00:28:00.000-04:00

It looks like the video is not working for this page so here is a link to view the video and listen......

Singles Online Crap!

2006-07-20T22:32:00.000-04:00

Ok so update on that ol' Eharmony thingy I joined a while back.

Its a crock of crap!
Yesserie.
I ended that around March sometime.
My friend who origionally joined it went out with someone from there who seemed nice but it didnt work out. My other friend kept getting matches that were totally off from what she entered in (ie. divorced or guys with kids) and she even got matched with a profile that was a bunch of jibberish!! yes : "ajdef fakhfoaf k ahfkdfalhfonlfj" = jibberish! I thought they screen those things?! I mean, Eharmony's extensive accurate process is so tedious that you are even lucky if you get matched with anyone, then when you do get matched it feels that Eharmony is soo off the mark! Thing is, you cant even browse profiles and choose for yourself - you have to sit there and wait as they trickle in. Funny thing is - when I origionally made a profile, I immediately recieved quite a few matches - every day. So after looking at those I decided to fork up the dough and join. Then the matches got less and less. And amoung the matches the Canucks seemed -very few and well, kinda wierd. (ie. What would you like to accomplish in your lifetime? His answer: Enlightenment.... okaaay.)
And so I ended up talking to a few American guys. I talked to this really nice cute guy - even though he lived in Pennsylvania.... (btw, for some strange reason I am thinking there seems to be alot of cute guys from Pennsylvania).
The thing about him was that we talked for a while giving each other really long emails and even pictures of our travels, and not once did he ask to see my picture (I did not have a picture on my profile). So since he didnt ask I decided to show him a couple.... all was going well but alas there is only so much more you can say without actually meeting and that kinda fizzled away - Yawn.
So that is the end of that. I had enough of it. After I ended my membership I had absolutely no matches at all! When you end it they really boot you out, thanks Eharmony! Sheesh.

Now, after all that I feel I got suckerd into it again. Ya I'm usually above being burned twice but tonight is ouchy #2! AAAH I blame my boredom.
A friend of mine joined Americansingles.com. With this site you see your matches and can also browse around. He showed me a few of his matches and after a while I decided to make a profile. No pic. I know looks dont matter, and yet they do, but I prefer not to post it intially. And being the weird me that I am, I kind of judge guys that ask you about how you look right off the bat. I mean, asking for a pic right away when it already describes me anyways on my profile.... Just seems alittle - superficial?! Maybe I'm picky about it. Mind you, I dont mind showing my pic at all on the singles site - I mean its only fair right? But I just dont want it to be the first thing guys care about.....I like some depth.

I was slightly impressed with the amount of matches on American singles and it didnt make the Canuck guys seem so bad hehe. Then there was this one guy who caught my eye.....after reading his profile I was intrigued!
Even my sister in law, who I showed his profile to, asked "So are you gonna post a pic? ...... or are you just going to meet him and..... BHAM!....." She said in her best Emeril voice ".......you just gonna wow him with you in person?". hehe. "Ya that is what I was hoping to do ;) !! " I said jokingly. "Naw, I figured I would like to see if he likes my personality or at least we get along abit first."
I decided (as a non-member at the time) to 'click yes' on his profile so he would know I was interested. Next day he 'clicked yes' to mine ! And he even emailed me too! .... but being a non-member I couldnt read his email..........see where I am going with this ?

His email sat there for over a week - calling me...... read me ..... read me..... I'm cute ..... and love watching the Food Channel too! READ ME ......... hummm should I join should I not? He seems pretty nice! Yes , No, Not again, Maybe......

Ya, anyways, tonight I joined and finally read his email!

Guess what he said?!

Guess what he said on his first email to me to introduce himself!

Go on......

Guess!

"Hey there, thanks for checking out my profile... care to share a pic? :P"

WTF?

I paid 60$ for that?!

...........

Update: while I was posting this I was logged on to american singles in the background. I just got an IM from some other guy on there.

Dan: hi there
me: hi how are you?
Dan: fine thank's you
Me: ok thanks. I had this on in the background and didnt realize it was on until I heard your IM
Dan: o sorry you busy
Me: ya you should be shhhhh .... :)just kiddin!
Dan: i found your profile interesting and was wondering if you have picture's
(obiously he doesnt have much humor? Straight for the pic question)
Me: hummm i guess they didnt post it yet
Me: I put one up tonight but its not showing then
( I really did post one up tonight)
Dan: ok
Dan: if i gave you my email address could you send some to me
(overly anxious huh?)
Me: maybe
Me: do you have yahoo?
Dan: no
Me: well ....my pic will be up soon anyhow or do you really want me to email you it?
Dan: yes -------@hotmail.com
Me: whats the rush ?
Dan: just want to see who i am talking too
Me: okay. so you dont want to talk until you see my pic ?
(By now Im thinking that he thinks Im hiding and I am fugly or something)
Dan: well you are seeing mine right
Me: i'll close my eyes and type ....
(After a long long pause we wrote at the same time...)
Dan: ok
Me: ok that was a joke. hello?
- I saw him writing abit but then he just logged off after that.

Wuss!

Oh man. Great - now I'm stuck with this site for 3 months!

If I ever sign up again someone PLEASE SHOOT ME!
wait - didnt I say this before?.....

:)

2006-07-20T14:30:00.000-04:00

A 89 yr old female patient was leaving my clinic and and heading towards the waiting room / reception area to make her next appointment.

I said my good-byes and as I was moving the door stop to leave the door open, I could hear her say as she turned the corner:

"Hey there Good Lookin"

To her husband who was waiting patiently in the waiting room for her.

Gutter Imagination and hormone fluxes - bad bad bad....

2006-07-18T23:28:00.000-04:00

Yes......... it must be just ME lately.
Its not what I say - its what I think about what was said.
Maybe once our minds start thinking a certain way there is no stopping it....

Today:
Me: Oh so you are heading up to the cottage tonight for a week, that should be fun!
Patient: Yes Im looking forward to it. I hope it is not too hot there though we had alot of rain lately
Me: There are no more mosquitos out up there right?
Patient: Oh no I dont think that they are out anymore... Oh yes those are the big pricks!

(huh? I had to actually think about what she said for a minute, then I realized : Oh she meant 'the mosquitos bite pretty bad')

Wedding stuff....

2006-07-17T22:21:00.000-04:00

Okay - there is another Wedding to attend this year.. It should be fun and I am kinda looking forward to it! It's an old friend from HS and I am really happy for her. I met the guy once and he seems like a great guy! Funny too!

Thing is - me being the ulta uber sensitive singleton that I usually am, I noticed something. Yes of course it was only addressed to 'Me', not 'Me + guest'. Ok ok I get it already! Sheesh Whatever. I should be used to it. But I noticed on the RSVP instead of looking like this (for me to fill in) it said this (already filled in). Ouch! Weird huh. Or am I just over sensitive again?

Ok nuff said about that .....

Recently I have been noticing weird stuff at some Weddings (what wedding doesnt have weird happenings?) I come to believe that there is no perfect wedding. Someone always has a complaint.....

At one very casual wedding the DJ was an ...... iPod!
I have never ever seen a bride that looked like she just woke up outa bed and plonked a viel on her head and did nothing to look different than her everyday appearance, thick glasses and plain hair hardly any make up .... until now.
One wedding at a wonderful country club didnt have enough seating placements for all their guests for the reception - on purpose. Once you finished your food you were expected to give up your seat for someone else to have their dinner!
One wedding served up a mean meal of .... geriatric food? I swear the meal was over cooked! You could practically mush up the green beans and the pasta in your mouth with just your tounge! It was also served as 'buffet' which was likend to the hasty mean servers you would get screaming at you from behind the counter in a prison cafeteria!
The hired MC was a 'show host' so annoying he could have been in an empty room yet he still would not shut up! He loved to hear his own voice - even guiding everyone through the "chicken dance" and the "shimmy dance"
A wedding of about 100 people and the wedding cake was a small cheese cake from the local grocery store.
The MC was quizing the groom questions about his Bride as a game and one of the questions was " What is her bra size?" - so not wedding material - more like stag material

Ah but in the end of every wedding we wish the happy couple many years of happiness to come........

Stupid things I have said.........

2006-07-05T16:47:00.000-04:00

at work.....

At work I have to sometimes test diabetics for general sensory neuropathy. I use a Tuning fork to test vibrational sensations. However, at one time the name of the instrument totally was lost from my memory and I drew a blank while explaining to the patient what I was about to do.
I dont like to pause much and say "uh this thingamajig" so I said whatever came to my mind to describe the tuning fork at the time. I pulled the tuning fork out of the side drawer and said:
"And this is a uh ....... a vibrator...." I paused for a second realizing what I said then ignored it and hoped that the patient would not notice and I explained quickly after "it tests the vibration sensation on the surface of your skin, like on your hands or feet"

Also at work I treat patients while sitting in a chair, which is not good for our back after a while so we were told we should stand sometimes while treating patients.

So today a Patient comes in who is like ~ 6'5 ft? Who knows ?! And the situation holds that I cannot treat him while sitting, so I stand. He asks me about it and I mention how I need to stand because he is tall and also because it is good for my back anyways... then I say :
"I should do people standing up more often"

Seriously, maybe my singledom is getting to me, forcing my mind in the gutter, where I think the simplest things I say can be so perverse.

Update

2006-07-02T02:03:00.000-04:00

Happy belated CANADA day !

Wedding went ... ok, Trip was overall pretty good! And boy was it hot... 112 °F which, I believe equals 44 °C!!!!!!!!!

Anyways.... points to note about this Wedding:

was forced to "catch the bouquet" along with some other of my reluctant cousins... stood in the back joking that if it fell right infront of us I would probably kick it away.... (yes yes I am beyond hope) ... meanwhile the maid of honour had her shoes off and was in the front, horse stance and all, elbowing those beside her. (she did not catch it btw)... maybe I am just not agressive enough?
you can still be forced up to catch the bouquet even if you are over 50 yrs old as long as you are single, and by then, all the other younger gals feel sorry for you and make you stand at the front.... gulp, not looking forward to that!
"Strength in numbers?" - nope, not in the singles game....men are intimidated by big groups of women during weddings (or maybe even clubs too I guess) - maximum 4 gals in a group, not.....9!
fat guys who dance great and have fun (ie. Carlton dance from Fresh Prince) can be very attractive
good looking guys who dance amazing but have a skank as a gf are just equally as skanky as their half naked gf grinding up to them. ew.
do not hire a MC for your wedding, they end up wanting to run the whole show
marvelous banquet halls can still suck - bottom line - its the food that counts! (again - food has nothing to do with this blog but good food is very important to me hehe)
and last but not least, laughing while saying your wedding vows - well, just doesnt look too good at all...

Actually I did not spend much time in Cali, so here are some other pretty pics:

2 Busy...

2006-06-20T16:47:00.000-04:00

Ah since this is a singles blog I might as well mention that I happened to catch the tail end of this - yet again another reality show - of single women and their adventures - There were a few tips and advice tid bits in the show - when I catch it again maybe I will pay more attention hehe - 2 busy now .....
Here is a review from a fellow blogger..

Clouds before the Sunshine?

2006-06-19T23:38:00.000-04:00

Soz it looks like Ima have a busy week this week. I was looking forward to seeing the sunshine states... Maybe even the Grand Canyon.......

But then it hit me a few days ago........ Crap! For me to enjoy this sun-filled vacation that I am about to embark on ..... I have to first endure a ...... Gulp........ Wedding! I practically forgot about that minor detail (despite the fact that is supposed to be the main reason for traveling to Cali this time anyways) Bleh! Bleh because its not my own of course! hehe... No no not being bitter at all....Lets just leave it at the fact this is not a cousin I am close to. Then there are all the childhood thoughts on marriage that have fizzled away that I am usually able to tune out by now anyhow....

BUT then there is also the dreaded...... "Ok lets have all the single women gather on the dance floor to catch the bouquet!" - Lately at the weddings I just stay put during this event and finish off my dessert. Or if I am up dancing I find my seat quickly. Who knows what I will do this time, and really.... does it reeeeaaalllly mean that if you catch the bouquet you will be the next to marry? Does it? Or is it some sick joke someone made up just to see a bunch of grown women in their dresses and heels and gowns wrestle each other like a bunch of crazed desperate lunatics in hopes to be the next to marry? Is it really worth the eye gouging, hair pulling, ankle spraining, face scratching, elbow ribbing, shin kicking effort?
Or hey now.... is it bad luck NOT to join in on this event? I dunno. I never thought of that before.
Well none the less I hope its an open bar - although there will be family around. I'm tiny so I'm pretty much a cheap drunk hehe. At my age, Im sure they would understand ;P

Hunky Man says : "Would you like some meat?"

2006-06-18T22:08:00.000-04:00

Ah! They were everywhere!
Hunky Brazilian men offering their meat!
Everywhere I turned, they would catch my eye and smile.
And the meat they were offering was yummy, Ohhhhh was it ever!
Juicey and oh so tastey!
And the hunks of meat they were offering were big... and I mean BIG!

What a place!
I would definately go there again!
Next time I'll bring my gfs along too so they can savor the same!
Such candy for the eyes and tastebuds!

Where was I ?
No no, not at a stagette.

from here

Ok ok I was just at this restaurant with my family celebrating fathers day. And it is a pretty new concept for me anyhow to have the somewhat hunky waiters walking around with huge skewers of Grilled beef, pork and chicken and offering it fresh for every table, along with the brazilian buffet. I'm not a huge fan of red meat but it was a pretty good restaurant and I have never had brazillian food so bonus! I love trying new foods! They even offered Grilled pineapple on the skewers ! Oh YUM!

What does this have to do with singledom? Nothing really hehe, the concept was nice though ;) and so with the food!

A Mis-Quote:

2006-06-15T22:02:00.000-04:00

"Dont they say: Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder?"

Ha ha so cute I dont think my friend noticed the mistake in his quote.

"Who cares what they think?!"

2006-06-10T02:01:00.000-04:00

Whats been on my mind lately?
Ah the never ending question of all singletons....
What? ... is it me? or is it them? is it me is it them? me? them? ARRRAAAGH?!

Well I think for the most part I am mostly to blame for not being my true self in certain situations or preventing myself from being who I want to be or doing what I want to do - I have to get over the burdon of worrying what others would think of me. Being the observer with many opinions for too long that I should just get over myself and stop being so self concious......

In reading some other blogs from singles it seems this is a common theme. The suggestions : this approach or that approach or this method that works and this method that doesnt, the whole PUA thing etc, smile this way, show only six teeth (?!), Laugh like "hehe" not "ha ha", do this do that, say this, say that..... Arrraagh! It shouldnt be so complicated. It sounds like a cliche and so easy to do but "just being yourself" is not always easy as it sounds....

Watch Videos:

Suddenly I See (Kt Tunstall) Video Codes by VideoCodeZone.Com

:)

2006-06-04T22:52:00.000-04:00

Watch Videos:

The Scientist (Coldplay) Video Codes by VideoCodeZone.Com

Species and fidelity......

2006-06-04T10:42:00.000-04:00

Weekend mornings I still have an alarm to get me up. Naturally I wake around 6:30 due to the habit of the normal weekday alarm, but I plonk back to sleep until my alarm goes off at around 10 am on weekends. This is weird, I know but it is just to make sure I dont sleep till 1 pm - which has happened before - then my whole sleep time is thrown off....
blah blah blah

This am, the alarm went off at 10 to the sound of the radio DJ giving out meaningless 'facts' between songs. I dont know what the topic was this morning, but this is what I caught:

Reasons why ppl cheat:
"Women cheat because they want reassurance that they are still desirable"
"Men cheat because they want more sex and more variety"

Yes - sad stuff to hear on a Sunday morning.....

In BIO101 @ UofT they talked about different species and their mating habits:
They explained that among certain species, the male tends to stray and among other certain species the female tends to stray.. ...I'm just not sure which is which, birds, fish etc (grrr at my memory). I think it all came down to the ratio of males to females in a given species and the reproduction rate of that species. So.... If we look at the ratio of males to females in humans...haha... ok ok I wont go there (again hehe).

I remember one time a friend of mine told me that among the different species .... "Foxes are mates for LIFE" Even when one is injured the other takes its body and brings it to a safe place and doesnt leave it until it passes away. Then it buries its body and never has another mate for the rest of its life.
Awww isnt that sweet? :)

pic from here

ew.

2006-05-30T18:40:00.000-04:00

So its the 2nd day of a heat wave and smog alert in the T.O
34 degrees celcius today and with the humidity its around 42 degrees celcius!
I felt so sorry for all those ppl that walked yesterday morning and afternoon because of the TTC strike.
Today the AC at work is not working so its boiling!

I moved my car this afternoon so not to get a ticket and I came back and my Aqua-blue T had beads of sweat marks on my sternum area.. you know, above near between my boobs!
I think its gross. Although some guy I know said that guys can see that as attractive. ick.
Something that is even more gross in this hot weather is what I saw yesterday driving back home...

3 separate men reaching down scratching their crotch, in the heat ..... ew!

Click to Watch Video...

2006-05-28T15:09:00.000-04:00

Sweet song link.
Making Memories of Us
I think you have to click 2 times where it says to watch....
Mushy song for the gals.
Listen up song for the guys ;)

2006-05-27T01:12:00.000-04:00

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it.

Break-ups can be painful for you, but you never show it. You hold your head high.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

2006-05-27T01:00:00.000-04:00

What Your Underwear Says About You

You like your underwear to make you feel girlish and pretty. Let's hope you're a chick.

You're sexy, in that pinup girl, tease sort of way.

The Underwear Oracle

2006-05-26T17:58:00.001-04:00

You Are 46% Selfish

You are quite balanced. You are able to compromise when it's in the best interests of those involved.

But you're no pushover. If something is important to you, you'll get it!

How Selfish Are You?

2006-05-26T13:39:00.000-04:00

This is sad but I am slowly coming to believe this:

There is no THE ONE
Ha!
I have accepted defeat!

From what I see there are many different variations of the 2 extremes:
1- those that live their quest for the one by going from person to person - they have a list of people. Sometimes it looks like their judgment is ridiculous and that they dont put too much thought into it. Just doing whatever comes up, whatever they feel like. They do this in hopes to get a better idea of what it is they are looking for, who it is they will be happy with
2- those that are extreme opposites, meticulously analyzing things, being careful with every step they take, making sure to guard themselves from being hurt. Trying to find the one that would less likely to hurt them, someone they can trust and depend on. And slowly they give of themselves when they feel safe.

They are both striving to find "the one"
Who is right who is wrong?

Actually I am becoming convinced that The One does not exist.
It happens only by.................. sheer LUCK......... not effort.

Its not about finding someone with the same values or morals or someone you can trust or feel safe with.
Thats crap.
There is nothing really that can glue people together for life.
I think its only luck and time that will tell if something will turn out ok or not.

Think about it, there are ppl that have known each other for over 20 years and have come to realize even then, that they really DO NOT KNOW the other person!! Its true.
You never really know a person no matter how much you think you do or how open your conversations are or how long you have known them. The only way to really know the other person is to be that person themselves! And heck, alot of people dont even know themselves fully anyways!

Then there are alot of people too, and I guess its normal human nature (we are all are acused of it at one point), who - because they are happy they have so many thoeries as to how to find THE ONE and make it work.
Thats crap too.
They have those theories only because this "luck" has worked for them till that point so far. But any second, the rug can be pulled right from under them, and their whole theory crumbles before them!
Really, it all depends on how much TIME will allow them to have. They have found the "right now" or the "2.5 yrs" or even "17 yrs" person. Its not "the one".
Its not about finding "the one" in a person ......it maybe about having the sheer luck of finding someone that will grow in the same path you are on for a longer time until you die or one of you dies. Then you can look back and say you found "the one" and it worked. But by then one or both of you will be dead, so no one can really say they found "the one" when they are still living out the TIME they were given.

Its more of a fluid process than a stagnant affirmation.

This thought explains some things that I have seen or even experienced.
You never really ever know someone. So if you think you ever found "the one", do not be content in that thought, walk carefully and never let your guard down, no matter how blissfully happy you are, dont be satisfied and assume it will last forever, never think that the great gal or good guy will always be that way, dont give your whole heart away. Cause then in the end you will be left with nothing.

Blah

2006-05-24T21:26:00.000-04:00

In an attempt not make this turn out as a bitch fest (see post below) I searched my list of Draft Posts. Yes, I'm fulla it. (Rhymes with ...? hehe) I have quite a few draft posts that never made it through the publish button for one reason or another or just simply my mood.
I was looking for a Draft that was uplifting to Publish here to fill in this space ... ya know keep this Blog from being all too emo and all.
I came across one that was titled "Infidelity" - short and to the point - but - that would just add to my bitch fest so - no go.
Then there was one long ago that I wrote about how it is that I know when a guy really likes me - it was short form and kinda silly and sweet and mushy but it was how I was feeling at the time. But now with my present mood I look at it and say to myself - haha wtf do you know?!
So I opted for the easy fill in..... Blog things!!!!:)

Your Brain is 73% Female, 27% Male

Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Some men are idiots

2006-05-23T12:43:00.000-04:00

Ok that being said, I know I may endure comments from men defending themselves. That is why I am being politically correct and I am saying "some".
So if you are a man and dont want to be part of these idiots you have a choice which side you want to be on. Since I said "some" it's your choice, I'm not labeling all men.

Why are some men idiots?
They think with their penis.
WE heard that before didnt we?
(Ah Im due for a rant here and circumstances call for it at this point.)

True Story:

I was in my last year of my professional program. 2 other classmates and I had a placement in a hospital downtown. I had a surgery to perform. We had a male clinical supervisor/instructor. I think he was engaged at that time.
The patient was actually this young pretty 23 yr old gal. She came in with her dad and her bf.
The surgery I had to do was minor, so it only requires local anesthesia.
Its the injection that is painful, not the actual surgery itself. She was so hyper-nervous! And in times like this we do all we can to re-assure patients (pre-op and during) that the procedure is minor and the only discomfort she would feel is the injection which takes a minute. We also go into grave detail if needed to re-assure them, so a lot of people suck it in and bear it when they know which part is the bad part.
However, this ever-so-pretty-pre-Madonna was whining and scared cause it was all just so scary-warey from start to finish from the moment she entered the clinic - think 5 yr old: "aawwww pooorr baby-wabey, lil girl skeeeert? vewy vewy skeeert? pooor baby! Khoochie khoochie kooo"
Yes - sickening isnt it? You would think huh?
During this type of surgery we use a tournique so Time is of essence. But of course, her constant whining made it extremely difficult and stressful for me to do the whole injection and surgery without stopping every 2 seconds to make sure she was ok, OR for her to catch her breath and gain composure after her dad said some re-assuring words and held her hand and rubbed her back.
wtf?
YOU are not in labor for cripes sake!
Ok ok I know ppl have different pain tolerances. And I am not a cold hearted bitch (to my patients hehe) either.
But:
#1: I even endured the injections as a student myself so I knew how painful it was (not as bad as the dentist's L.A)
#2: She was 23 yrs old not 5!
And this pre-Madonna was milking every second of it!
#3: after the anesthesia you dont feel a thing, so why was she still complaining (I checked for sensation before and during)
Her pathetic bf was there looking on too also re-assuring her. I think even at one point he stood on the other side of her holding her other hand!!
Gag!!
It was getting very sickening, so thank goodness my mask was on to catch my throw up if needed. And I had to put alot of all my energy into not rolling my eyes into the back of my head to stare at my freakin brain!
(You are probably thinking that I was just jealous of her prettiness and that is why I found her annoying. Nope, she was annoying period for any 23 yr old, pretty or ugly, man or woman.)

I glanced at my other colleague students (female as well btw). Behind their masks I saw the same look I had. I looked at my supervisor - He was the typical oblivious male. He continued to ask her of other things like school stuff etc. to keep her mind off the surgery. In fact, we were all asking her stupid questions so she would not complain. I looked at the clock and began to sweat even more!
We finally got through the surgery. She got the post-op instructions then said to my instructor "Oh thank you it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be, see you in a couple of days"
- Yep and I was the one who did the surgery under stress....

Scrubbing up post surgery and washing down the instruments I conferred with my colleagues. They too agreed that she was just more than a little too much! One colleague was engaged and about in her 40s and the other in her early 30s and married. We were all part chuckling and annoyed at her behavior, so turning to my instructor, I asked his opinion. From him, being a previous and present friend of mine from since he was a student himself, I expected a unanimous agreement.
In his most intellectual, serious, as-a-matter-of-fact type of voice he said:
"Well, actually no. I did not see anything wrong with her behavior, I think she is rather quite the intellectual, very smart and bright with a good head on her shoulders for someone her age, going to university and you know, going to school for a year in Italy and all."

WHA?

I was in shock! Was he in the same room?

I did not bother...
My colleagues were shocked at his ignorance as well.
One of them said "Yep, it was a room of 4 women and 3 men and she had them all wrapped around her finger, they kinda looked like idiots".

So if you ever wonder why men make stupid important decisions and sometimes end up dirt broke and alone over some woman.........You know which brain they were using.

My white zip-up hoodie sweater

2006-05-22T16:13:00.000-04:00

Im wearing it today.
I have been looking for the "perfect white hooded zip up sweater" for ummmm.... about 4 years!
Yes - 4. Years.
Why that long?
Well many factors...

The price for one. No sense in spending a chunk of change on something that casual. Then there is the cut... straight arm, no bat-wings, somewhat fitting at the sides, and the sleeve - it has to be that sweatshirt type sleeve where the cut is toward the neckline on each side, not the typical straight cut sleeve. There is also the material, it has to be a sport material like they make for track pants, not too thick though but thick enough to hold its shape and not look like a simple top than a sweater, and not knitted. Also I like the seams to be the usual clean cut seams not the inverted frayed seams. And the width, not too wide (80s style) and not hoochie tight. The length, not brother's-hand-me-down long or hoochie crop top short.

This has not been something I have been actively searching for for 4 years. But every now and then I would take a look and if there happened to be a white zip up hoodie sweater I always checked it out. At times I would just forget about it but it was always in the back of my mind.

The other day I bought one. Just like that. I wasnt planning to. I was shopping for something for my mother and when I left the store I saw a sign out front. It used to be a Club Monaco outlet store now it was this new Urban whatever you call it. Somewhere in the back I found a bunch of white zip up hoodie sweaters.
Long story short (or a tad shorter cause I always write long posts) - the one I bought was on sale $12.99 haha. Cheapo! It fit nice. Kinda bat-wingy but not so much when you zip it up. And Frayed inverted seams.
All those years looking for the perfect one and I end up with one that is a great price but not exactly what I am looking for!

Maybe I was fed up?! Maybe at this point I didnt give a damn?! Maybe I wanted to not look for a white hoodie anymore? Maybe I succummed to the price, foregoing a couple of features I did not want? Maybe I wanted it more than I wanted those perfect features?

Its funny the other day I mentioned it to my friend. She was like : "geez if you are this picky about a man ...."

Now in reference to my search for a good man.... is it going to have to come to this? I know you cant have everything you want in a person - especially the superficial stuff - But I wonder what things I am going to have to give up along the way? Will I just be fed-up with the search and marry the next one that comes along just because the price is good?? (hehe just kidding about the price thing - Im not going to marry the male escorts I see ... ahem, just kidding about that too). Will I end up with someone I dont feel is my soul mate but fits the other criteria? Will I end up with someone that I describe as "Ya thats my husband...eeengh... He's ok." ?

Despite all that, now when I wear my new white hoodie zip up sweater - I just love it! I am not disappointed in it at all. Its my favorite sweater at the moment! Its so comfy and warm not too heavy and its pretty and looks good on me - despite the tiny frays. I want to wear it everyday!
So good choice huh?...

Only thing is - I was thinking that if I ever do find that perfect hoodie sweater I may end up buying it too :(

Ok maybe I am reading way too much into this ! Maybe I am just a mild shoppaholic.

I should remind myself...

2006-05-20T22:49:00.000-04:00

I was drawn to this blog by a friend of mine and this paragraph in particular:

"I don’t know what my problem is. I don’t hate men. If I cross that line now it would be based on what I’ve heard and not what I’ve experienced, and that’s a pretty short sighted way to live. I know this. I do find myself making sweeping generalizations about them, but a lot of that is due to making excuses for not dating and idly if not ignorantly repeating what I’ve heard other women in long-term relationships say. "

long update....

2006-05-20T21:18:00.000-04:00

Whew! long time so see Bloggie!

Where have I been? Hummm... going through a dry spell perhaps .... a writing dry spell I mean - cause we all know the love life is a constant dry spell - yep ! I can always count on that hehe.

I think I go through fazes. Now its just a numb one. Yep - not looking and trying to focus on other things to keep myself preoccupied.

Then last night I heard a mushy song! Gah!
Ya sure it cracked through my ice cold shell. And heck I dont even like country music - but it is nice - yes the words are nice.
Of course my gf who has a man noticed it first (she used to be into all these depressing songs before she found a guy - funny how it works hehe)
But yes its the one playing now, here are the lyrics.
Thanks for putting alittle bit of hope into my dry spell R!

I remember my favorite mushy song growing up :
I was in grade 10 : Somebody - Depeche Mode - grrr cant seem to find a video code that works, the sample does not do it justice - here are the lyrics.

- Sometimes I wonder if these songs along with all those mushy videos and movies and childhood stories are putting preconceived misconceptions as to what love is supposed to be like for little gals - grrr Cinderella and Sleepy Beauty!

Anyhow - on a side note that patient came in again, you know, that senoir lady who dated a 26yr old when she was in her 40s. She mentioned it again, and I somehow asked her this time about how it ended (ya nosey me, but thats the risk you take once you give me alittle info). She said it didnt end bad at all. She actually dated the guy for 8 yrs! wowzers - it wasnt just a brief love affair. She said she was entering menopause (oh what I have to look forward to!) and she realized she could not lead that life anymore, the drinking the partying, she wanted to settle down, so the relationship fizzled out. She describes the phone convo:
- there was a pause in their convo and he said:
"You know what..... I had the time of my life!"
"Yes, me too" my patient said
"Thank you, I will never forget you"
Awww - if all wild love affairs can end like this the world would be a happier place.

On other thoughts:

I was talking to a gf of mine about a week ago. Yes - the never ending single gal talk where we say all our worries and fears and analyzing other relationships around us but in the end we feel like we are just mice running around in the same circle over and over and not gaining anything from it, saying "ah and here we are, after all that talking, still single and alone"

Anyhow I used to think when I was younger that if I was ever in a fight or argument with my husband in the future or even arguments with family members that all you had to do was say "I love you" and that if you both understood that you both loved eachother that all will be right in the world - everything will automatically fix themselves and each side would lay down their arms and hug and all will be merry. Just so long as you said those words and both parties felt the same for eachother.

Hahahaha.

I learnt early on that that is not enough. I think it had something to do with my newly divorced uncle who was staying over at our house until things got settled. He was my mom's brother and his - over-staying his welcome was driving my dad insane and driving a wedge between my parents.
Where am I going with this?

My friend was saying to me "Ya you know what - when it comes to relationships sometimes LOVE is just NOT enough"Gah! As pessimistic as I am I dont want to give in to this notion!

You know what happened with the situation above? Eventually my mom put pressure on my uncle to finnally move out. All was better and my parents do love each other.

I said to my gf, " I dunno, maybe its not that LOVE is not enough, but more that the ppl just Dont LOVE eachother enough to make things work"
"you know - just like that saying of: When ppl say they CANT, sometimes what they really mean is they DONT WANT TO"

So sometimes there is alittle meaning to my maddness in the songs I post up here. I think I missed posting one before this present song alluding to my dry spell again and my brief absence from here.

another great song

2006-05-19T00:00:00.000-04:00

love the lyrics....

Watch Videos:

Goodbye Alice In Wonderland (Jewel) Video Codes by VideoCodeZone.Com

My Eggies (warning: too much info)

2006-05-01T23:06:00.000-04:00

I love being a gal! :)
Sometimes I think to myself how boring it would have been to been born a guy.
I mean - Shopping - hello!?
I am a pretty 'plain Jane' when it comes to going to work but I do like spiffing my self up abit every now and then.
Heck - it even just brightens my mood if I am down.
The make - up, the lipstick, the gloss, the shoes, the dresses, skirts, capris - oooh summer time! Sandals, nails, hair styles, cute tops, the colours, the purses, the jewelry!! Seriously, there are only so many combinations of mens pants and tops that they can make right?

My nephew is 2yrs old and is getting cuter and sweeter everyday (he was a brat). I love him a lot and early last month, in April, I became an aunt again ... to a little niece! Now I can buy pinks!!!! dresses! with flowers! and frills! Awwwwwww!

However, last month I was also reminded of the few things that I dont like about being a gal.....

It was early Sunday Easter morning. I woke around 6:30 am (habit) and realized the day and attempted to fall back asleep. I noticed that my lower back was sore. Humm, must have just been the position I was in.... I moved around trying to get comfortable but to no relief. I somehow fell back asleep and woke again around 9:30am... I got out of bed and I realized that my back pain became extremely excruciating and originated in my lower left abdomen! OMG I never had this much pain before in my life! I was hunched over! I could hardly walk to the bathroom! I was moaning in PAIN! I thought for a second... Could this be a case of real bad GAS?! Nope - nothing like that. Felt like some serious cramp-age and someones fist was mangling all my insides like they were mincing meat for meat loaf and my abdomen was about to burst ! I rushed over to the Rapid Clinic. Ultrasound revealed I had a cyst in my Left Ovary that had burst! Apparently cysts there are common and bursting cysts happen once in a blue moon. No worries unless it happens again. Its an age thing I guess?! Going to check again this month.

So, if I heard my body correctly.... I think my eggies are mad at me!

You see, they all live in my wonderful Ovaries. They are nice and comfy in there. Its like one big happy family. The Brady Bunch like - except they are about a few thousands ? I duno. And they sit there.... waiting to be set free! The are filled with the joys and hopes of the wonderfully magnificent potential they hold!! They are practically anxious to be set free! To grow! To enjoy the 'outer world'! Party with some great swimmers (that happen to have tails) and hopefully meet up with one of them so it can grow even more! Sprout legs and feet and eyes, nose, mouth and a heart !
So every month when one is set free its like a PAAARRR -TEE! I can hear them cheer on the ejected one "Go get em tiger!" "This is your time eggie! Your turn will be the one!" "Go eggie, Go eggie, go eggie!"
....
But soon after it is released, this eggie does NOT have a party. No fantastic swimmers to meet. Just a empty void of .... Nothingness. It echoes "Hello? (helllllooo hellllooo helllllloooo)" "Is anybody there??? (therrrreee theeeerrrree theeeereee)". It continues to float around cob-webbed corridors and dark recesses, aimlessly moving... becoming sad at every empty corner it turns.... Finally it meets its destiny.... Flushed out.....Meanwhile screaming at me "Noooooooooooooo, You biatch!!!! No party! You liar!!! NNOOOOooooooooooo........."

So last month I think they finally told me they are on to me. Somehow the news leaked back to the waiting ones: "Mayday mayday Mayday, abort mission, fantastic swimmers are M.I.A, M.I.A! There is nothing here! No party No party! AARRRAAAGGGHHHH!!!"

You hear that? Its getting louder damnit!
Tick-toc-tic -toc-tic -toc

Excuse the "MUSHY" post...

2006-04-30T16:26:00.000-04:00

pics by D.P

Hummm Red. Good to know....

2006-04-27T20:02:00.000-04:00

Your Lucky Underwear Is Red

You're confident and bold, and your lucky red underwear will only make you more sure of yourself.

You have a great zest for life, and you tend to take on impossible goals - and succeed.

When it comes to love, it's hard for you to take the time to open up. You're too busy conquering the world.

So if you're looking for a little more romance, put on your red underpants. And see where their passion takes you!

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

Etiquette When you are NO longer a Singleton

2006-04-20T22:08:00.000-04:00

What is the etiquette when it comes to the transition of singledom to coupledom or non-singledom?

I mean take it as it is, singles are generally always 'seeking'. (heck even some ppl who are in a couple are still seeking - but that is another post) Even those singledoms that say they are 'happy and content' in their singledom still have it in the back of their minds so really they would be in a state of 'happy denial' as far as I can see. It ranges from this feeling to feelings of severe crippling neuroses and low self confidence and the never ending questions of whether it is the fault of one's self or whether it is the lack of quality in those available in the opposite sex.

THUS! I ask, when one experiences these insecurities in the 'singledom world' and then by some luck of the draw - or the horseshoe up the ass - they find a significant other or potential significant other .... What is the etiquette? By this, I mean the etiquette in treating those others who have not crossed into the 'other world of coupledom'. An educated soul would quote the anonymous saying of "Tread softly ... blah blah blah" I forget the whole saying actually (hence Im not that educated?), but you get the point.

Soz I was talkin to my newly-found-a-guy-cuz-I-got-a-horseshoe-up-my-ass gf. She laughs off her pokes.
"now dont forget to stay single ok? hehe"
"oh lookie me I got me lota men! haha"
poke poke jab jab. Har har. Bleed bleed. Yes I do laugh it off and call her the biatch of all biatches- no, not for finding a guy - I'm happy about that - but I call her a biatch for her insensitive Jabs! INSENSITIVE I SAY!..... but not sooo long ago she was in the same singledom world herself wailing things like
"Sigh, its so bad, where we gona find men... where? where are they?!"
"Gah, I hate it when my cousins who are married talk about their kids or husbands then turn to me and ask me about having a bf yet" etc etc.
Ah but how quickly she forgets! Maybe penises are memory-erasers? I dunno.

So I gave her the etiquette rules (and elaborated on some here):
1) No more bitchin from you! about singleness - that is reserved for me and me only! If you try to complain about men then it wont work - I see through your false attempts - the emptiness behind the words (ie. dont try to be "one with the single gals" - cuz ya aint! - you are sooo excluded and shunned from the club! hehe and this is such a desirable club to be in :p)
2) No rubbing it in (see statements above) - its not funny! - dont forget where you came from! And yes, I joke but I do bleed, especially if you catch me in one of my fragile moments.... then I go KABOOM too! And I know how comfy you feel when that happens! hehe
3) Dont be picky with the guy (you are with). For example: 5'9 (in height that is! Dirty ppl!) is good, dont wish for 6'2! (Its almost like saying to a starving person: "what? I got white bread instead of whole wheat??!AAAhh I dunno know if I want it." Food is food people! Just eat it! .... ahem...anyways....)
4) NO more perverted-ness-es! You were single and horny so you made alot of jokes: "All I need is .... to fertilize my eggs!" You cant be perverted anymore I dont wanta hear it! So stop wailing it in my ear! "cock cock cock!" sheesh! You got it now, so STFU! I mean that in a nice way :) (not that I needed to hear all that before anyways - however, I think this rule is only reserved for this particular gf I am talking about ;p)
And last but not least:
5) I dont wanta hear about your sexual exploits with the man!!!! The visuals in my head would be etched on my brain and would definitely scar me for life and maybe then I would definitely stay single forever!!!
Oh and I think there is a "chicks for dicks" rule here somewhere but .... I couldnt find the blog I found this term from...grrr

Well there.... I got that off my chest! whew! I realize this may all be a little premature - given that this friend has just gone out on a couple of wonderful dates with the guy.... but it needed to be said... since the INSENITIVITY has already begun! OUCH!

And to newly-found-a-guy-cuz-I-got-a-horseshoe-up-my-ass gf:

Memorize the above! I will call you on them when they happen! (ie. "what did you say? Did you not learn rule #2??!)
And when all is said and done and when things work out for the best, which I hope, Im happy for ya gal! (as long as you dont piss me off with your insensitivity :p) You definitely deserve a great guy cuz you are a great gal (Of course - only because you are friends with me - the great one hehe- Though in my opinion I deserve a great guy more than you ... this IS my blog isnt it? I can say what I want! hehe)
But all I'm saying is to just try walking on a little more egg shells ok? You know how it is. :)

Motivational Posters

2006-04-09T19:57:00.000-04:00

Make your own motivational poster on this site.... which I found from here.

Update

2006-04-07T17:26:00.000-04:00

So today was my first day working at my own part time clinic. Working with new GPs and new secretaries.
One word.
ICK
Wait, is that a word?
Well there are 3 docs in this semi big office and I think they have been there since hummmm before I was born. Leme tell ya that is a loooong time ago.
How can I tell they have been there that long?
Maybe its the fact that once I step into the office it looks like one of those old photos that I would see my dad in during the late 60s early 70s. Old deco. And maybe its also the fact that I think these docs are pack-rats - GAH - things are piled up everywhere! Even the dust bunnies! Office of 3 men docs go figure its filthy! Dont think they cleaned since the 70s.

I miss my old clinic. I glanced at the vacant building from across the street. Sigh.

Oh ... where was I.....
yes..... as I mentioned not so long ago, my patient wanted to set me up with some guy she met at the local pharmacy near my clinic.
So today I sauntered off to the pharmacy to "check him out" like my patient soooo adamantly told me to do. I walked in and saw the back of some tall, lean, 'same nationality' guy. "Yep thats him" I thought. But I should at least get the most outa this right? You know, take a good look at him, see how helpful he really is, confirm his name - get to know him a little better.

So I head towards the aisle I was looking for to buy some ... Latex....
Gloves. For my clinic.

Humm vinyl are better, but they dont have my size. I go up to him and ask him if they have this particular one in my size. Blah blah blah. He actually seems soooo nice and helpful he immediately...Whips Out His....
Pen. To write down the order..... Size small, vinyl exam gloves......
Anyhow after some Ummms and Ahhhhs contemplating my choices, I tell him its ok and that I will just get the latex gloves. Yadda yadda yadda thank you, no problem, and he is about to walk off. I turn around as he passes. "Oh and by the way, whats your name?"
"Oh its Nathaniel"
"Ok thank you"
I turn the corner and disappear out of that aisle.

Not bad looking, kinda young, stock boy, and I think the chances of him being hetro are 75-80% ?
Well I did it. Got the info I needed. I'm kinda flattered that my patient thinks I'm "just as nice as him". But thats about it. No go. Like I thought.
Least it made my day a little interesting. Sad, I know.

----------------------------------------

Other sad news. Actually its not new. I knew it all along about myself but a couple things that happened in the past week have confirmed it. Again.

I am totally inept at flirting.

Last weekend I had my hair cut. "Please keep it long and put step layers. " My hair is normally straight so blowdrying it with a round brush ..... well anyways.... layers gives it more shape.
She did this:

(sorry about the grainyness)

I never had this much curl before. What a difference it can make though. I was driving home and I stopped at a stoplight. I turned to get something out of my purse in the passenger seat. I glanced up and noticed that beside me was this yuppie-ish man looking at me from his SUV next to my car. He smiles, then waves, then smiles. I smile, I wave back. He points to me then motions that Italian gesture where they kiss the tips of their fingers and burst them out as if to say "bellisma!"Or I think that is what it means (no no Im sure it wasnt that back flip of the hand under the chin motion hehe) So what do I do? I laugh and smile bashfully and go back to fishing for that thing I was looking for in my purse. Yes. I went back to being interested in my purse?!? ugh.

The other thing that happened was on the subway today. I was sitting beside and across this good looking gentlemen. I'd guess maybe he was my age or 2 years younger max. Dressed good for work but casual. Maybe this is just me... but do you ever feel when someone is LOOKING at you? Well after avoiding looking back at him, I fixed my eyes on the ever so interesting floor infront of him. He finished his Timmys coffee and started playing with the sipping tab of the coffee lid.... (at first I didnt notice) then .....Click Click.... Whatever, I thought...... click click.... I look at his shoes..... Click Click Click.... Hummm my eyes glanced at his cup on his lap..... Click Click Click Click Click!!!...... What the?! I glanced up at him and he was looking at me. He smiles at me....click click.....and smiles again. I broke out in a smile and a little chuckle at his sillyness. He chuckles too. I guess he caught my eye. But, as quickly as that moment came it went. Cause I looked away again. Then he left to get off at Eglington station. Gah! ever have those tiny moments?

Anyways, my point is sometimes I think I could have done more, or said more. Like those times where you do a double-take on someone and you know they did the same to you, then your eyes meet, yet in my case I can never follow it through, I always look away. But Im a chicken, or simply shy.... or as I mentioned totally inept at, oh nevermind. Sad sad sad.

Same ol' same ol'

2006-04-06T16:45:00.000-04:00

So crazy past few weeks.
Changed my full time job place. Same job though. Same type of people. So far that is....havent come across any ahem... high risk patients from the shoot-em-up clinic downstairs yet.
Thus this means same patient stories.....

71 yr old man comes in today. Small talk ensues as usual.
He asks if I have a boyfriend. Sheesh! Ok Ok I guess I will just have to get used to this question. No avoiding it. Though, I am pretty sure he would not have asked the 69 yr old lady that just retired the same question...
Anyhoo... This time I say "Um... well..... maybe....." Thats it. Dont commit to an answer. If I say no then he will keep buggin me "Do you have a bf yet?" Then if I say yes who knows what other questions will come up... marriage... babies...etc.
So he responds "Well dont you and your bf get serious... it would make us all disappointed."
Ok - I'm not going to attempt to analyze this response.
Though he went on to say "Dont ever get married. That is the worse thing you can do"
Hummm you have an unhappy marriage sir?........ counsellors are that way-->
"Oh really why do you say that?" I ask couriously amused.
"Well, here in north america the divorce rate is so high. I look at it this way..... say 50 % of us are married and 50% of us are not married. Then among the 50% who are married, 50% of them live very very miserable lives and are very unhappy. That means there are really only 25% of the population here that are happily married. Thats pretty low. So dont get married."

"Ah I see.... Gotcha! Great then, I'm ahead of the game huh?"

The grass is always greener........

Set - Ups

2006-03-21T16:13:00.000-05:00

This can be a great way of meeting potiential significant others.
But they can also get hairy.

When?

When the one that is setting you up with the guy is actually interested in the guy herself - but for some other reason she cannot be with that guy (ie. she is dating his friend, she is married, its her ex and she is still in love with him, or simply she is just interested in him way too much)

When it is the brother of a good friend of yours

When the one who is setting you up is single as well and the guy is actually interested in her but he is one of her .....'castaways'

When your parents 'found someone reeeeeeaaaaalllly nice' for you.

When your grandma 'found someone reeeeeeaaaalllly nice' for you.

When your parents over bearing friends say they 'have a reeeeaaaally nice son' that you may be interested in.

When ...............

When ...... your patients try to set you up!

I was just in the process of re-booking my clinic patients into my 'new temporary' clinic, when a patient called me.....I spoke about her before. I'm pretty comfortable when talking to her and she knows I am single - though, I really dont like to/ and dont disclose much about myself to her. She knows my nationality and she said she was in the pharmacy today and a very nice man ..... who is of the same nationality of me .... was veeeerrry helpful. (Seriously, why do ppl always assume you will like someone just because you are the same nationality? Maybe thats another post) She said that when she dealt with him, she was reminded of me because of his helpful nature. (really, I'm only helpful at work hehe) So she said to him "if you dont mind me asking..... are you married?.....no? Well I know the perfect gal for you.... she used to work in the area.....blah blah blah".
She told me - you cannot let this opportunity pass! Life is too short.
Sheesh! ok ok in my last post about her she was inspiring, yes she is right that I shouldnt let opportunities pass..... but really? A guy practically off the street? A guy stocking shelves? In the area I used to have my clinic?!!! And my same nationality??!
(ok ok only my close friends who know me will get where I am going with this)
First thing I asked her was - "are you sure he is not gay?" Poor guy - imagine that - some old lady off the street trying to set you up with a gal when all you wanted was another guy? Luckily since she has alot of gay friends in the area, I tend to trust her gay-dar. To make her happy, I will go there next time and buy some clinic supplies... and do as she tells me to, "check him out!". OH the things I do for my patients!
I had a good laugh with my patient today about this.
Although I am curious what she thinks is a good match for me.
I should stop here.
Only to say I have my doubts.

Last time a patient wanted to set me up I didnt even realize what was happening because of his thick accent. I was just being agreeable to everything he said until he said:
"Joo Marry?"
"Er uuuhh Oh no Im not married."
"Joo wana marry?"
"Uh ya sure one day"
"Ia knoa man, a goo man"
Yikes!
Thank goodness he forgot all about it after Christmas.

Whats in a name?

2006-03-17T15:06:00.000-05:00

(double post)
What is it inside us that wants to be the "one and only"?
An innate selfishness I presume.
Whether it be the best friend, the best daughter, the best child the best gf or best bf
Its weird.
We want to be everyones "one and only"
Which, by my calculations is simply impossible!
And if we find out we are not
then we cannot help but to feel a tinge of jealousy.
Even if it is jealousy for no reason!

Or maybe its just me.

OR - yes, OR - maybe I would at least like to be called by my own name!! FFS!
Not the name of some other chick you are talking to !
Sheesh! get it straight!

(rant of the day)

I said I wouldnt

2006-03-16T14:47:00.000-05:00

talk more about Eharmony.
But I just had to say this
(ya ya I'm still on it with no luck - sheesh - I am coming very close to closing this thing soon)
I am emailing this guy on there right now and he said in his last email:

"I just was on E-har looking at our email history and I noticed your pictures are posted. I hope you arent offended when I say that you are very attractive... "

Ahem..... ok other than the fact I am tooting my own horn with this post .... hehe....

2 things to note:
1) I found it interesting that he would think that I would be offended? Can you imagine? "You think I'm what??!! Why you Bastard! How dare you think such awwwful and disgusting vile things!!!" hehe
2) And what is more interesting is that - my response would naturally be to make excuses for his compliment! Something like:
"Oh well thanks but those are only the good pictures - I do have some uglier ones though so dont think I look like that always!" (no, I did not say this btw)
or
"yes those were taken on my 'good days' - you really dont want to see me on my 'bad days' - but maybe then you would get a better perspective on how I really look like" (and no, I didnt say this either)
or any other "Thanks, BUT......" answers.

I have no idea why is it I cannot take a compliment for what it is?
I'm sure it has something to do with self confidence. Or am I unconciously 'fishing' for more compliments? Or maybe it is because Im just sooooo wonderfully and incredibly humble - yes yes this must be it ! (stop laughing!)

What? What did you say???

2006-03-16T01:35:00.000-05:00

Gah! Yes ,clubs are soo not for me! That is why I havent been to one in a long while.
Im typing deaf right now. Thank goodness this is not a voice blog or I would be screaming this post!
Went to a club tonight. Ya wierd - a Wednesday night.
Good times though.
Why?
Men. And lots of them! Big burly men too -firefighter type hehe.
Eye candy always helps.
Its always sad to go to a club or bar or lounge or even singles event and be bombarded by - women. There is just too many of us! Just ask all my gfs!
So for once in a long long while I have actually gone to a club packed full of men! So - even though I dont really like clubs and I sacraficed one of my five senses it was somewhat worth the treck out tonight.
I mean - I know full well this is not a place to meet a good guy. But it was none the less a good place to just have fun. And maybe practicing that whole singles game as well.
Its funny to see how ppl interact with others - people watch.
Oh and, for the likes of me, I have NO idea why some men find that grinding up against a gal in a club is a turn on? And why do they persist when you make it known that you dont want to? Or those ones that stare.... no I mean GLARE at you as if they are Hoodini trying to put you under their trance - eyes Bugging out of their head? Ick - talk about heebie jeebies! Maybe it is simply easier to be so creepy than to actually speak? Really, no grinding (perverts!) and if you are shy and you like a gal - glance, dont glare - do a double take and make sure she sees, and... smile.... if she does the same then your in the game. My gfs and I talk about being aware of our "piss-off jerk" look or our "F-off face" - we have to look more approachable - and I think we are somewhat for the most part - but with those guys that ruin it for the rest of them (as mentioned above) ya wonder why we have those faces?
Ah practice.

And one thing is - why does it have to be sooo incredibly LOUD? Am I just getting old or the decibles getting higher? I think in this particular place the music was just louder than normal! If ppl are supposed to mingle then whats the point if you cant hear a thing they say? I went to the washroom and the gals were talking and all I could make out was "muar muar muar la la la muuuuar mmmuuuarr la la la " Ya - I must be getting older and deaf.

Oh note: When my senior patients are hard of hearing, the proper way to talk to them is not LOUDER - but in a LOWER tone of voice. If ever you are in one of these situations or if you see me on the street - this is how to talk to me hehe.

Anyhow - I just needed to post the fact that the ratio of men to women was great tonight - very rare indeed. Hurrah - it was not a female fest!
Really - single men out there - there are more women out there for ya - so stop hiding!!!
-----------------------------------------------------

My mother, who was watching Dr. Phil the other day, said to me this past week , "you know, they say there are more single women now a days"
I looked at her and said "UH. Yeah, I could have told them that!!? - Just take a look at Stats. Canada - there are more women in the world than men, period - unless you are in Alberta or Whistler B.C, probably cause of the harsh weather and Oil Riggs."
She then said I should find an Oil Rigg man ........ Hummmmmm thats a thought..... ;)

Busy busy

2006-03-10T14:35:00.000-05:00

wish I was getin busy instead of just being busy with work hehe...

Odd Thought:

Can we help who we fall in.......... attraction with?
How much of that decision is in our hands or just ingrained in us?
And if we can help it and control it..... can we just turn it off as fast as we turned it on?
Ya know.... like a light switch.

this image is from here

A Fellow Canuck

2006-02-24T11:54:00.000-05:00

Click site and find "Save the last dance for me" (top right)

I cant seem to find a code for this song so I just have to put a link here.

Please say it isnt so!

2006-02-21T17:24:00.000-05:00

In todays Metro (another T.O newspaper) I stumbled across an article that confirmed what my gfs and I had long been suspecting.
It is confirmed! :(
The higher the IQ or profession of a woman, the less likely she is to find a...what? - date, mate, what-have-you.

(I swear! I should have stopped in elementary school!)

got this from here

It uses the example shown on one episode of Sex And The City. This is when Mirianda, the show's lawyer, has more luck finding a date when she hides this fact and tells men she is a stewardess. They go on to explain that men with higher IQs had a higher chance of marrying while women are the opposite. They explained that men tend to marry women in subordinate jobs because they are afraid that the women in higher jobs will cheat on them! One sucessful woman (who makes $350,000/yr - whew! arent I glad I dont even make close to that!:P) said that "men being intimidated by successful women is an epidemic in T.O".

:(

I hear it now "Oh thanks for depessing me"
Well its not me that is saying this, they even have back up... ya research! Supported by some university findings in Aberdeen, Bristol, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Michigan, New York, and even here in T.O!

Something to do with the 'esteem' of men, and the idea of the men being 'protectors'.

My take on it? Other than the fact its damn shitty......
Well I see it, however there is a catch.
Ever since women's lib, women have been becoming more sucessful and shall I say, less dependant on men? However men... noticing this are (as in my past post) are becoming more .... 'feminine'.... and also some even opting for the idea that they rather not work and its ok for them to stay home, be lazy blah blah blah (not all of course but they are out there and growing!)
So what are we left with here?
Lets go to the Black board . Yes, things just dont add up!

Now mind you, despite the categorization in the terms on the black board....I dont even think that they neccessarily define women who are "sucessful" as being those that earn as much as the wealthy lady mentioned earlier. I think it just means those gals that are earning just enough - to be independently content.

So I ask: why did I even go to school? Why did I even spend that money, busting my ass through University? Those all-nighters! Those days of wearing the same clothes for 4 yrs cause I cant afford to buy any new clothes due to the tuition? Those years of just being a number. The lab where I had to kill that poor bunny and they insisted it was bread for experiments? Those times I said - no, I gotta focus on school first?

I think for the majority, but mostly myself, no matter how independant a gal is, in the end, she still wants to be 'taken care of' that sense of someone 'protecting you' 'providing for you' - Lets face it, we can be proud in what we achieved but its tiring doing it all yourself.

Well thats about all I need to dwell on right now.
My brain hurts! Thank goodness I think I'm kinda avarage anyhow. And thank goodness there is some hope for my regressing memory as I age - maybe as long as my IQ degrades I will have more chances in the future! And the fact that maybe my part time private clinic may close as well - heck that gives me even more chances of nabbing me a sucessful man! And when it comes time that I end up unable to even spell...... whoo hooo!

Tehn Myabe taht Scucsesufl man wulod be jsut auornd the crneor and cmoe srtiahgt to my door!!!

yes I know, excuses excuses :p and YIKES!

2006-02-20T17:11:00.000-05:00

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch

Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know.

From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up.

And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

You Are Most Like Charlotte!

You are the ultimate romantic idealist

You've been hurt before, but that hasn't caused you to give up on love.

If anything, your resolve to fall in love is stronger than ever.

And it's this feminine optimism that men find most appealing about you.

Romantic prediction: That guy you are seeing (or crushing on)?

Could be very serious - if you play your cards right!

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

Its that time again... blogthings!!!

2006-02-18T18:04:00.000-05:00

You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart

You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane.

It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure.

You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance.

You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!

Are You Obsessed With Your Looks?

Your Passion is Purple!

You've got a ton of passion, but you don't always wear it on your sleeve.

If something truly excites you, you let your inner intensity shine through.

But otherwise, your passion tends to morph into energy ... which you never lack.

You're a balanced woman, knowing when to turn on the fire in your heart.

What Color is Your Passion?

To date around or not to date around??

2006-02-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

I agree with this article.
It says women should 'date around' before they settle down.
It goes on to say that men do this naturally.
But us women strive for some strange noble idea that being a one-man-woman is the right thing to do.
This is arguable of course.
Since, although I agree with this article, I reconize myself as being the latter. Me and my silly idealist views! I realize how "passive" I am when it comes to this, so I sit there wondering if this person I am attracted to is not the 'total package' or even saying that I should keep my hopes low. How contradictory to my other idealist view of never settling for second best when it comes to the one. (ya I'm mixed up)
I was also thinking how there is still a stigma to a woman who 'dates around' - having many bfs at once..... ie. slut. Yes this article says we must banish the Bad girl idea.

Thinking about this I found it funny as I remembered that my mother - far from being anything close to a 'slut' in her time and actually being a 'devout Catholic righteous' woman, actually had 2 PROPOSALS!! YES 2! at the same time. She talks about it humourously now, saying - well yes she dated my father and this Dr. at the same time - nothing was BAD about it because she didnt do anything 'wrong' with them (ie- slept around or anything), she describes them as both were just good friends!! wow!!! How did she do it? She kind of laughs and says how she had to make sure the other did not find out about the other while she was dating them, sorta like how she was proud to be skilled at juggling her schedule around the other. Though, of course, eventually after the proposals they found out and yet still faught for her affection! And she said she, as a woman had the right to choose! She said it was good to have options. Sometimes my mother amazes me hehe.
No, I dont want to be the type of helpless gal that puts all her eggs in one basket, so to speak, - forcing the person they are with to be the right one and being blind to reality as well, but this dating around thing at the same time requires some sort of ...... deception doesnt it? And if anyone knows me I am the WORST LIAR EVER!!! You can practially see it in my eyes.

But none the less I still do agree with this article and I am sure that since I agree with it, I will try to take steps to increase my choices before narrowing them down --- ahem, I mean find some choices actually!! Oh how the river runs dry in this part of the city! Sheesh!
(ok ok I'm still not trying to blame the city for my singledom, really I'm trying!!! hehe)

Its all in the posture.

2006-02-17T23:42:00.000-05:00

Try this position while reading the newspaper:
>Sit up straight in your chair
>place feet flat on floor in front of you
>feet close together
>knees bent so that feet are almost under the chair
>stick out ur lower back and buttock so that it is right up against the back of the chair
>hold opened newspaper with each hand on either side, barely between the tips of your middle and index finger
>relax wrists so that the paper hangs as it may
>elbows bent to hold arms up
>but hold elbows against your ribcage
>stick out chest
>shoulders back and relaxed
>head straight up and back
>tuck in chin
>only lower eyes to read paper.

This is what a noticed on my subway ride today.
He was a very good looking, well dressed man.

... I think I prefer the manly men.
---------------------------

And how fitting......

Like a magnet?

2006-02-16T09:23:00.000-05:00

someone once told me
the reason why we are attracted to a particular person
not just a physical attraction but a personality based one
is that we are each like magents, with a certain kind of polarity
that can only match with another specific polarity of someone else
you know it is right because it is mutual
and when these two meet you cannot help it but to be attracted to eachother

anyhow, interesting thought.

What?

2006-02-14T15:42:00.000-05:00

*Whistles*

Dum de do de dum........

*Looks around*

Sees YOU.

Ya. YOU.

What?

What are you looking at?

Are you expecting to see something here today??
Hummmm?

I was contemplating whether to post today. You know, not even acknowleding it... waiting for it to quietly pass. Since I am off work this week I dont have to be bombarded by the many 'innocent, yet stabbing' questions - So what are you doing today? Are you married? Do you have a bf? Any planns for tonight? - Oh Shush you Nosey Patients! hehe

I was thinking that it is a cheesy day. Why celebrate love on one day of the year? Marketing and $$$ is what I say. NO real purpose to it really. If you are in love with someone, you should show it everyday anyhow. And if you do get something special today and get iggyed my your loved one the rest of the year - how sincere is that?! Some PPl are cohersed to have to show love on this day. And really... not everyone has a significant other to share with on this day.... there are alot of us singledoms out there. Should we singetons hide and retreat today?? It does make others feel left out. Silly silly exclusive day. I mean, what if there was a Universal-skinny-ppl day or National-middle-income ppl day- - wouldnt some ppl find that offensive too?

Oh well I dont really hate today - even being single and all, fine- its a day to show love and there are alot of ppl I do love out there anyhow - not neccessarily a significant other. It shouldnt be made to make ppl feel left out. But it does. Maybe it should be marketed as a day to show-love-to-everyone-day (no no I dont mean hedonistic-orgy fest day). I remember getting valentines from my mother and my friends (as kids) and even my patients! It really cheers ppl up - maybe it should be another Christmas is what I say!
Well it could also be worse, at least they dont have a national "hate" day or something - imagine that - all the stores filled with black demonic like cards saying "Hope you fry in hell you bastard!" or "I'm boiling your rabbit, watch your back" or "hate you, go away, you smell, boss!"- stuff to express something bad.

So to all those and their significant others - well keep loving etc etc blah blah blah - excuse my bitterness hehe.
And to those fellow singledoms - Hope you do have Happy Valentines day!!!!
(ya know, not that I am being exclusive or anything ;) )

Oh and btw, I found this interesting article from VirginiaBelle

And some quote I got today from a forwarded email:

"Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?" (Cinderella)

Just say NO! and G'day Dr. Phil

2006-02-13T18:15:00.000-05:00

Ever meet those people who have trouble saying NO?
I'm sure you have.
We have probably been there too, ourselves at one tiny point, but some ppl are worse at this!
However, today I am just FED UP with one of them, FED UP I say!
Enough of this wishy-washy, maybe, hopefully, I'll call you later, possibly, we'll see, crappatolla!

This week is my week off. No vacations, lotta things on my mind and things I need to arrange. Among other things, I am looking for a new space to rent for my clinic. The building is being sold and all of us "tenants" have to move out.

Cold calling Dr's is pretty humbling. Anyhow, a couple weeks ago I met this supposively really WONDERFUL elderly secretary of the Dr I want to rent space from. She was soooo welcoming and made this intimidating task less scary. She was like one of those sweet older lady neighbor's that bakes you cookies every once in a while and babysitts the kids. We talked for a while and she actually was interested in what I do. "Oh we really need ppl like you, there is such a need and what you do is very important, there are so many elderly ppl around that need your help" Then she went on a little more than what anyone would expect "Oh I will definitely give you a call, I will mention it to the Dr, but we definitely could use you here and we have sooooo much room compared to anyone else in this building and it is not always being used, plus we have 2 rooms as well, that's just soooooo great and wonderful that you stopped by, I will definitely call you by this Wednesday, thank you sooo much. Now, don't you go making ANY decisions until I call you back ok? Don't you be going to any other place yet ok? I will definitely call you by Wednesday to let you know either way." etc etc.....Needless to say I walked away SOOOOOO optimistic!
2 weeks later, 3 Phone calls from me, and 3 "I'll have to get back to you on that; I cant give you a definite decision; I haven't gotten around to it yet, we are not sure about the times available" - I have just about given up! Heck, last time she left a message she even said - "you don't have to call us back again, I may call you tomorrow maybe to let you know, ok talk to you later"
WTF lady?!
JUST SAY NO FFS!
I think I can take a NO better than being lead on to believe there is any hope in renting from that DR.! It boggled my mind at first. I was thinking - "humm but why would she show soooooo much interest to begin with, more than anyone else I went to? The answer seems like a no but she didn't say, surely she would let me know either way like she said."
I was confused.
Then it hit me.
She is one of THOSE PPL. The ones that - for some gawd forsaken reason - cannot say NO!
She must be one of the worst ones I met, cause she goes out of her way to make the answer seem like a YES - that is how bad she is. Her No's seem like an overly exclamatory YES!!! and a little of a maybe.
Serious, I think this must be a sickness.
Either way, its not good. NOT GOOD! Be up-front ppl!
Don't say maybe when YOU KNOW the answer is a NO.
Believe me - the repercussions are far worse when you lead someone on to believe its a yes and they realize that you knew all along that the answer was a NO.

--- so what was I thinking about all this? How does it pertain to singledom? Let me summarize with words that my friend's Older brother once said to us when we were in HS and it stayed with me "The worst thing you can do is to lead a guy on." I'm sure this goes the same both ways though. I guess some ppl do that for an ego boost, ya know, too keep many admirers attached to them. But some do it simply cause they have no balls to do so. They don't wanta look like the 'bad' guy or 'hurt' anyone - when really - all they are doing is prolonging the agony and making that final cut off worse. WORSE! They think that final cut is going to just fade away but it is actually worse. And its also not fair to the other person that is being lead on, because their time is wasted, instead of having them deal with the answer NO and moving on and making other plans.
*SIGH*...........
ok so I just had to let that out.
---------------------------------------------------------

In other news, I actually made it home today -( since I am not working this week ) to catch the Dr. Phil show. Was interesting. Normally I don't watch much TV (ahem, shhhhush about my addiction to this :P), let alone Dr. Phil. But today the topic was about Love Smart Island. He analyzes the interactions of singles plonked on an island - both men and women to see what they are doing wrong in their singledom and quest to find the one. Well 'Love smart' is some book that he wrote about relationships and I figured that he was just jumping on the bandwagon with all the rest of those hopeful-useless books out there.... but after seeing this episode - I realized how much I can relate to it. So I may be watching it tomorrow ........... and that is a 'maybe' - meaning there is a good possibility if I am at home that time tomorrow (unless I am out for wings again), and it doesn't mean a 'maybe' as in NO way in hell am I ever watching that.
At least I say it as it is. Sheesh!

Ladies take this quiz. Too funny I got 10 / 10 - not boasting or anything haha.

Another patient comment

2006-02-09T16:37:00.000-05:00

78 yr old female comes into the office.
Once we get settled in and I take an update, she comments:

"So are you going to a Valentines dance this Valentines day?"

(I'm thinking humm dance on a Tuesday night - odd)

I chuckle : "ha ha ha oh well ummmm nnooooo I dont think so"

"Oh no? Well, I think that in my time, there were more dances that the young ones went to"

"Maybe, but I still think there are alot of 'dance' places that ppl go to now, its just that they are very different," and me being soooo tired of the club scene at this point I add: "and I dont think that they are too great anyhow."

My mind pictures some lame scene in black and white where the gals all have long skirts and high heels and the fellows have shirts and ties and each are huddled to their own sides, while the men gently approach the women and cordially ask them to dance. The women giggle and bashfully accept. Ah so innocent!

I go on " I think that it would have been kinda nice to go to dances in your time"

She smiles and agrees (of course) "OH yes it was......... it was so romantic and the men ........... they were more like gentlemen. I used to go every Saturday"

I am thinking 2 things:
1) Was I born at the wrong time? I duno.
2) She had more of a life than me! Gah!

Random Thoughts

2006-02-07T22:21:00.000-05:00

I was out tonight for Wing-night at St. Louis.
Since my gf and I are going through alot of stress with work stuff lately it was a nice break, and as usual we ended up talking about relationship stuff or even the lack there of. And the question : men where are they? etc etc. Blah blah blah.
A few things I noticed and a few things were mentioned, though not very up-lifting :

>This wing place is a franchise. But apparently the one up in suburbia - where we were is usually filled with older men. I think the reason why is because there are no waiters, just waitresses - and these waitresses make it almost like a hooterville joint. We go there only because its the closest St. Louis to where we live. Tonight my friend over-heard the guys at the next table talking about one of the girls. "Oh ya look at her tits! Oh I sooo love cheating! Ha ha ah!" Oh lovely, these are even grown men not adolecents. I'm glad that when I eat good food I'm so content I tend to focus only on the food and my ears go deaf.

>My friend mentioned that her female cousin is now seeing a therapist. Something to do with relationship sex stuff. See, her cousin used to be the love-em-n-leave-em type. Or actually its F%*!-em-n-leave-em. Very cold attitude. I guess some gals can be like this. Some ppl would call this a 'male attitude' but really its the 'scuzzy male attitude' (not all men are like this I know). I always think though, that most of us gals have it in our nature to want more, even though some may act like they dont. I could be wrong - but I only speak for myself. There is always some sort of emotional attachment to such things. Anyhow - dont know the details but the cousin finally lost it. Had a break down after realizing that she wanted more and wanted a relationship - but the ones that she wanted this with now did not want her. - Go figure. It makes me wonder how many ppl that sleep around are doing it partly because of some other underlying issue instead.

>My friend also talked about a mutual friend of ours who is in a horrible relationship. Though this mutual friend has a history of this and it can be quite draining to help her deal with it that we need to keep our distance. She told me how our friend said she is "stuck in this relationship". She cannot get out. Something to do with a lease for a place they rent, her bf not working and him threatening to take everything she has if she plans on leaving him, some abuse - verbal and maybe physical and her paying for his lifestyle. I know they are both at fault here but I chose not to elaborate. Sometimes you cannot advise ppl who will not take your advice anyways. And sometimes it is easy to advise ppl on things when you are not involved but hard to do when you are in the situation yourself.

>We realized that somewhere between highschool and post- undergrad school and the work force, some aspects of our self confidence has dwindled. Why? Lack of maintenance? Why? Lack of youthful lustre? (well we actually still look much younger than we are, compared to alot of those our age) We have accomplished alot since then in our professions but why the lack of self confidence? Why is it I have trouble accepting compliments? Other:"You are pretty" Me: "Oh but I dont like my hair today" etc..... Hummmm gota fix this attitude.

>A few other random things mentioned that are running through my head that make me sad:

- "Believe me, you say you want to remain friends and find other people and you want to know how the other persons life turns out because you dont see your life without that person, but when it comes down to it, you wont want to, you cant bear to hear it, it hurts too much."

- "If you know its not going to go anywhere and you are sure of it, then why do you still continue it?"

- "Sometimes when people say that 'They Can't', what they really mean is that 'They Dont Want To"

So as you can see - all total random thoughts. Nice diversion from work stress. Interesting to say the least.

Forgive me Father....

2006-02-05T22:44:00.000-05:00

Ok so I was at mass today.
There was this guy there.
His name is Mark.
How do I know his name?
I used to have a crush on him when I was in grade 9.
He was in his OAC year.
(yes eons ago!)
He was a scawny lil fellow back then.
Duno why I had a crush on him, maybe cause he was cute, older and shy I guess.

Well........ boy did he ever grow into his skin!
Ahem, dang is he ever so fine now!
Opps sorry I didnt mean it that way...
Ok yes I did.
No no I dont have a silly lil school girl crush on him now.
Heck I dont even know him.
I'm older, more mature, I know what kind of guy I want.
But hey, I can still look cant I?
Nice eye candi...
Ok fine I know what you are thinking....You are in church for heavens sake! you are not supposed to be checking out the guys! did you even pay attention to the homily??!
-> Yes I was in church, I was just admiring one of God's creations, and yes - something to do with being fishers of men.... hehe.

Ok despite how bad that sounds, yes for the most part I was paying attention to the mass. Though I have seen this Mark guy there before. I wonder what he is up to now, what did he do with his life? Now I can totally be off on this one but it seems to me that he knows he is a hottie. Sometimes you can tell those type. Its almost as if they are posing. Yes posing. Why do I say that? Well, its this look he has - you know - looking over your head but aware you are there, not having to look at anyone in the eye because he knows all eyes are on him. Also.... near the end of mass he takes his coat off. And of course he has a nice snug moss green T shirt on to show off his chizeled biceps! Wowzers!!! Ahem, where was I? Oh yes...so here I am a few pews back in my turtleneck and winter coat on.... hummm temperature seems fine to me and everyone else in the church too, it was colder today than most of the winter so far- maybe he is going through menopause? Or maybe my eyes are burning right through his jacket telling him to take it off ?! ok ok, well neither... but sometimes it just seems as if some guys who are really good looking are just so aware of how blessed they are to be candie to every female eye in sight that they ......... pose. Ya pose! You know - those type that work out at the gym not really for health reasons but more for their own vanity, meanwhile when it comes to actually using their muscles for physical work or defending their gf in times of distress -they are lost. "Muscles only for show" is what I say.
... I'm sure I could totally be wrong on this - about Mark anyways, I'm sure he is a nice person. But it was something I was thinking of today, in general.
I think this holds true for the opposite sex too. I'm sure some guys can tell those gals that are good looking who are also pretty vain and walk around looking over your head or through you and they know you are looking at them so they dont need to acknowlege anyone else around them. You can literally see them .... posing! That little something in their actions that dont seem...... natural.

Well thoughts like this at least affirm to me that I do know more about what kind of guy I am looking for and I have matured beyond the lil school girl infatuations. And now that I am aware of these things, observing them is quite comical. Well, least it made mass quite interesting today ....

(Yes and now I'm just sitting here waiting to be struck by lightning anytime now ........ hehe)

In celebration of ...groundhog day :)

2006-02-02T20:58:00.000-05:00

Not really into Shakespeare, but I do love this one. Im posting this after seeing this wonderful idea from Reya. Last time I posted this elsewhere...was for Valentines day.......ahhhh that wonderful day is fast approaching..... that wonderful day us single people sooooo love to hate ;)
Enjoy!
(Silent poetry reading...Shhhhh.... *ahem ahem......clears throat* )

Let Me Not to the Marriage of True Minds

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Times fool, through rosey lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lovd.

Seriously... this is my last one .... really..... it is....

2006-01-28T17:06:00.000-05:00

ok .... just one more link to someone elses blog.......
(I couldnt help it. It was too funny!)

No. Really.
Its my last one.
No. I'm not addicted to reading blogs.
Really.....
I'm not.
This is my last one.
My last fix and I'm quitting.

.........

Happenings..

2006-01-26T15:14:00.000-05:00

Gah! So much things to do.
Keep thinking... change is good, change is good.....

Its funny when I have lots of things to do with work and all, that this is the time my mind tends to like to wander alot.........

And then my mind wanders here... to my singledom....

So update on Michael. My car lease finished yesterday.
But I told him I was returning my car last Saturday.
Tuesday he called my cell :
"Hey, Just thought I would give you a call to see what decision you made on your car and if you need any help with that or anything. I'm working from this time to that time today, so give me a call"
Wednesday he called again but did not leave a message. Ah Call display.
Hummmm.
I thought: "Sheesh these persistant sales ppl! "
I could have just left it at that and never called back. He knows I will never set foot in his Sleaze-infested dealership. Just leave it alone dude!
But he sounded cute, and my mind wanders when I have things to do, I needed a break so, I called him back.

"Hey how are ya doing?!"
"I'm pretty good, just returning your call, how are ya?"
"Oh I'm just sitting here staring at the walls, and staring at all the cars here, we got a whole shipment in of the Civics"
"Oh thats nice."
"Ya and none of them are mine... sigh. They are all sold"
"Show off"
"Ha ha Ha , no no I dont mean it like that"
"Sure sure"
- more small talk
"So what have you decided about your car?"
"Well, I wanted to call to tell you I actually got the deal I asked for, actually lower!"
"What?You did!? Thats great...where..."
"But I decided to buy out the car I have now"
"Oh you didnt do that! You let the guy give you the price you wanted but you knew you were going to buy it instead?! Oh you!" He says laughing
" Yes just wanted to see how low they can actually price it for a lease -I'm pretty proud of myself"
"Well thats good, you still have a pretty good car with the amount of clicks you have on it"
"Ya, so I just wanted to tell you."
"OH hey now that you own your car, you may need parts, so if you ever do, you can always give me a call"
"Like I would want to go to your dealership again, haha you are too funny"
"Well, you know, you can always call anyways for advice or help or anything."
"You know, if you were at any other dealership I would go there, no problem, thats all you have to do you know"
"I know, I know but I live so close to here"
"Ok then, your loss !"
"Hummmm, ya know, maybe I would actually really concider it, if you would follow me to where I move"
"Oh reeeeaaly now ?"
"Yes really."
"so when are you moving?"
"Ya, actually.." he says in a hushed voice,
"we are not really allowed to ask customers out... however, since..... you are not coming to this dealership ever, you are technically NOT a customer......."
"Thats right,I am not a customer"
" soooooo.... I was just wondering....... if you would like to go out with me sometime??"
So we have a date this weekend!

Whoooo HOOOOO!!! .......

Not!
Ahem, ya so,
as I said, my mind wanders. BUT it could have happened that way! It really could have! For now it just happened in my mind.
After he told me that he lives close to his work, we continued the small talk and he said to call him if ever I need help with my car. The end!

Back to my boring life and work stess hehe.

Car Salesmen

2006-01-17T22:27:00.000-05:00

Humm ya wonder where they get the sleazy image dont ya?
ha ha.
Anyone who has been jipped by one knows.

Its an awful feeling of learning that someone has lied to you to get what they want, earned your trust and ripped the carpet out from under you.
These type of guys (or even gals) are people we know not to trust.

Anyhow. My lease is up for my car. Gota get a new one. I had a horrible horrible experience leasing my first car. At the time I even spoke to the owner at length - just going around in circles. His salesman just jipped me and he knew it but he said there is nothing he can do about it. I even went so far as to research some legal blurb on exactly why, what his salesman, thus his dealership did wrong, I think I had a case there.... I even consulted a lawyer, who agreed with me, but me, being the tiny person I am and all the legal crap I would have to face, the lawyer said that in the end it is not worth the heart ache and head ache, bite the bullet and pay the unnecessary cash.

So .... I get a phone call today. Some guy. Calm, kind, voice. Said his name was Michael.
But he is a rep from the dealership...reminding me that my lease is up soon and asking me what I am planning to do. I explain that I dont want to pay more than I am paying for now. And that I am looking at other cars all together, and that even if I decided to go with the same type of car I most definately will not be going back to that dealership. Im not stupid enough to be convinced anymore by any salesman let alone dare to concider his dealership.....

.... thing is ..... the dude actually seemed very nice.....( I see your eyes rolling)..... but really..... he actually seemed like he wanted to help..... I know he is just the messenger and he was not even working at that place when I got my car.....but wow - what a difference customer service makes.
I low-balled him a quote. Knowing full well I have absolutely no intentions of going back there. Some stupid amount so incredibly low so much so that they would be actually losing money off of me (I did my research better this time). He asked for a compromise. I refused. (I dont have anything to lose anyways - dont need that car that badly - just any good safe car is good for me). I even said that even if by some miracle of the miracle they actually approve my quote - I dont think I would take it and if I did, I dont think I can sleep well at night knowing that I am actually giving money to that A-hole of an owner again! (did not actually say A-hole) He still said he will try. I asked why are you trying? You wont lose anything by losing one customer. He still said he wants to try. I told him he is wasting his time. He said what do you want to happen? I said I want you to approve that quote I gave, give it to me , and I will just go to another dealership and show it to them to make a deal. He said fine, he will still try. So I said , so you go through all this effort and what do I do with what you give me? Meaning what he is "trying " to do for me is actually in vain! He hinted under his breath that I should do what I just said, go to any dealership with that approved quote (if it is approved) and use it to make a deal, all he wants is for me to feel that not all people are like the ones I dealt with in his company.

HUmmm, Mr Car salesman.......you sneaky devil you.... you actually sounded sincere, you actually made me feel like you were trying to help me and make amends for your disgusting, slime filled, horrifying, bile tasting, fecal minded company.....

Good Job dude!.........and you even sounded cute!

Its a wonder at the extent of their manipulation tactics and skills they have to persuade people....he even said he used to live in my area and he is even the same nationality as me... blah blah blah and all that "relating" crap.

If I dont get a car from him I wonder if I can get a date....... he actually seemed that nice!!!! Broke through my ice a tiny bit and its pretty thick I tell ya, no one really does that!

But on second thought.... the thought of dating a car sales man really makes me hurl! I dont trust too easily as it is, so can you imagine the disabling trust issues I would end up with ?! Yikes!

New Years resolutions?

2006-01-14T10:41:00.000-05:00

I was never one to make New Years resolutions.
Maybe because half the time I forgot what they were half way through the year anyways.
Then when I finally remembered them it only caused me more grief to realize how much I DID NOT accomplish.
I tend to make lists (grrr @ my memory)
Thing is .... I make "to do lists" and then relax in the fact that I wrote them down...

Then I lose the lists.
At this very moment I think I have about half a dozen lists scattered somewhere in my room or work office.

Yes - its not good.

I start with ideals and then it fizzles out.
Its different when it comes to my work resolutions: They are clear cut : I want to do A, B and C - simple.
But when it is some sorta mumbo jumbo self reflective improvement ... that is not so straight forward ,not so tangible and measurable. Those are the ones that tend to fizzle.

Well ......
I am going....
to.....um...
try. Yes try again ( sheesh this is even in writing - uh oh)

ACtually I think I would feel better if I called them my

NEW YEAR'S NON-RESOLUTIONS

(whatever that may mean or how ever one takes it. I duno)

2 tiny itty bitty teeny weeeny things :

1) Never Turn down a social event (I got this from here - thanks DD!) This is going to be hard since I am not the typical uber socialite
2) And take more responsiblity for any situation I am in. Not blaming others. (I got this from here - crazy post but true) Though technically I dont remember complaining about how some crappy man constantly treated me horribly - dont think I could stand for that in a relationship (though a Boss situation is different - I digress) But I guess this can be applied to any situation - Im going to try not to blame T.O for having no good men- well at least until I meet them all (okay that sounds skanky but you know what I mean)

I think the thing that discourages me most about resolutions is that I'm pretty hard on myself for failing in them that I just cannot stand the disappointment in myself. That should not be so! There is that cliche : if you fail, try try again... so that is why they are NON resolutions - Im going to try to be aware of this in everything I do and try to impliment them but I am not going to beat my self silly with a bat (thanks R!) if I fail throughout the year - just so long as I keep trying.

is that a cop-out? I duno. maybe but here I go......

Honestly. I should really stop....

2006-01-09T16:47:00.000-05:00

Posting other ppls articles !

I guess Im just being lazy.

However I found this....Its interesting.

Since I dont think I am any of the points listed in this article I guess I have just deduced that I am ready to .............. date

D'UH!

I knew that already - where are they though?!

Sometimes I feel it is like......

2006-01-08T22:11:00.000-05:00

Shopping in Winners.
They avertize they have all these wonderful clothes at afforable prices....when you are not in the mood to get more trendy clothes and just wish to find a nice top at a great price....

BUT when you get there and its a Mish-Mash of clothes you have to sort through, that outfit you see on the commercials or the outfit your friend got is no where to be seen. Heck, even one Winners store carries different items than another Winners store down the street. And the so called "affordable prices" are only because they jack up the "origional price" on the tag and say "their price" is much more cheaper - when really its comparable to anything else out there... I digress....

So here is the situation.

You are shopping in your average Winners store - (cause for some reason you have alot of time to shift through everything).... down this aisle, down that aisle, each item is different from the one beside it...sometimes you find a work-out top you see and then you look at the price ...pssssh! You think: I can get this at the same price from any NIke store anyways gez! - no deal there ... so you move on.... not having much success....you carry a few items back to the change room only to have the jeans too tight or too baggy, the top too tight or too low cut:p or just simply looks awful on you...maybe you may end up getting a top that you think is "eeenngh its ok - wasnt what I was looking for but its nice"

BUT its when you see an item the other gal is wearing in the change room and you think "OMG I been here all this time, where she get that, it looks so good?!"
Or its when you are trying on the same item of clothing as that other gal and it looks sooo great on her ...erm ... and not you.
Or its when you are at the cash and you see the lady ahead of you with these nice pair of shoes that you never noticed.

I dont think I have ever gotten an item in that store that I thought was a great deal. (I think it has happened in other stores but thats besides my point)If I go in that store thinking : hummm I want a top that has A B and C features I may find one that has A or AB but not C etc....My point is that it seems that other people find great deals except for me. I start to think - wrong place at the wrong time? Do I just have a picky eye? or Maybe blind eye?? Do I have to keep shifting through all that junk more? Do I have to settle with just A or C and not B etc? Where do I go? Am I in the wrong store altogether? Its like that feeling you get when everyone around you is finding this great deal or that deal and it suits them perfectly-nifty-dandy-fine yet you are waiting for your turn to find that great deal that has everything you are looking for and fits you like it was made for you, and you are discouraged and lost and you feel like you will be the only one left in that store leaving empty handed.........

Um ya. Other than this passing thought, believe it or not, I actually had a great lazy Sunday :)

half nekked James Blunt ....

2006-01-07T00:01:00.000-05:00

Watch Videos:

YOUR BEAUTIFUL (James Blunt) Video Codes by VideoCodeZone.Com

And you thought I was bananas?.........

2006-01-04T16:39:00.000-05:00

On MSN's page today I found this:

Setting up your New Year in love
By Barrie Dolnick

Level Three: A Magical Blueprint for Romance
If you’re game for a big and powerful love connection, don’t be shy. Follow these directions for a love ritual, and you will certainly see romance in the coming year. Believe in it—thousands of single people who’ve read my books and attended my seminars have found success with it!

This process must be done after sunset and is best done between December 20 and January 13th.

1)Light a candle and sit comfortably in candlelight.
2)Make of list of the qualities in a relationship you desire. Here’s an example, but use your own words. Use the present tense. Claim your power to create this love in your life.

"I create love in 2006 with someone who is screamingly funny, tender, caring, honest and compassionate. I create love with someone who loves animals, appreciates and respects my vegetarian diet. I create love with someone who complements my personality and who lovingly challenges me to be a better person. I create love with someone who loves music, adventure and joins me in volunteer work.
I have the power to create love with the perfect person for me. "
3)Read your list out loud. And no, it will not work if you just read it silently. The power of your word is a strong force and this will help pull your wishes into reality.
4)When you’re done reading your lists, release this to the universe by saying, “So Be It and So It Is.”
5)Blow your candle out.
Hang onto your list. In the next twelve months, you’ll be able to see how your wishes were granted.

The bottom line ......$$$

2006-01-03T18:26:00.000-05:00

Ah Yes! So I thought!
Just to re-inforce things once again.....
MOST if not all of these "singles events" or "singles services" are only after one thing ..... matching you up and helping you find the right one??? ppppssssshhh! NAW ! Thats way to complicated.... its about the almighty $$ as I mentioned in my last post.

Just to update, I tried to post a comment on the singles site that hosted the Terrible New Years Party event that my gfs and I went to... I read all the posts from Jan 1 , saying oh how wonderful and amazing this event was blah blah blah and more bull bull bull (that convinced us to go in the first place).....
And only one post read:
I've read the emails from last night's attendees and wonder if you people were at the same event I was. I was very disappointed in the disorganization, long line-ups for everything, lack of New Year's build-up and hosting. I have been to many New Year's parties and this was by far the worst. Even though I met some very nice people, I was very disappointed in the event organization and don't feel it was worth the money paid.

Lucky gal. She at least had her message posted!!!!
And of course she got tones of responses (probably from employees of the site) saying "oh no it was really great I had a wonderful time, the lines are expected and events that hold 600 ppl" 600? No, more like 360. But thats no excuse for POOR ORGANIZATION!

I actually went to 2 other events from this site with my friends. One was the Indoor Golfing. Again that was poorly organized! Our french instructor did not teach but rather just said "you do like dis" and moved our hands and feet to where they needed to be explaining nothing; even one gal yelled at the instructor "dont you ever touch me again!" My friend and I actually learned more and paid less going to our own golf lesson at another golf place. The next event I convinced another friend to go to was Adventure racing. They told us that you dont have to be experienced and it is very casual, and it will be fun so bring your runners. Well we sat in a room for 3 hours as the instructors talked to us about their die-hard-hard-core-adventure-racing endeavours and how to prepare for one - we did not meet other people - we did not interact with anyone else in the class - we just sat listening to a 3 hour lecture.
I could go on with the details but I wont. All this to say I want to WARN OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT SITES LIKE THIS who PREY on singles and infact I want to warn anyone that thinks that http://www.meetmarketadventures.com is a great place to meet people - because its not!!!!!!! They definately decieve their customers - I suggest you check out the site and see how exciting everygthing looks like, maybe they should be called scam-marketors.com?

They would not let me post my rather tame (believe it or not) comment on their site like the lucky gal above got to. All I did was agree with the gal above and state that I noticed the disorganization in the other 2 events that I attended.
........So I am voicing my opinion HERE on MY SITE.

Yes I have learned my lesson. I guess I needed to be suckered into it 3 times (hehe) before I learned.
So to my poor friends out there who I convinced to go.... you better smack me upside the head if I try to convince you to go to any of their events again ;) ... (I do realize this is in writing too hehe)

New Years! to be or not to be ... single?!

2006-01-01T15:43:00.001-05:00

Ah my friends and I never learn hehe.
We went to a singles party last night for New Years.
We thought : hey it should be better than the bars or night clubs with the smoochie couples, and at least we will be surrounded by people just like us - single.

RIIIIIght!
Honestly, I am coming to believe that there are alot of sick ppl out there that prey on singles. They hold events or create dating sites, claiming to have the skill to match you perfectly to your significant other. I realize now that they are just as lost as the average single person in finding the right one...... but in their case - they make $$$ off of us. Gasp! How insensitve! Playing with ppls emotions like that!
When it comes down to it, its up to the single person themselves to find their significant other... in todays society we are too busy to do this and would rather have some other kind of element do the work for us, and we pay them to do this. GAH! I realize I got suckered into this too!

Maybe the reason there are so many singles out there is that we isolate ourselves in todays society. Heck, we dont even talk to our next door neighbours! And that is Normal! Given that the population is growing, there are still so many lonely people out there. I think in my case I am single because I dont get much exposure.... no no - Im not about to flash anyone out there.... but exposure to other people in general, not only singles but people who are not single who may know someone that is..... etc etc. I have all the excuses : too busy at work, I work in healthcare - so there are many women or seniors, I'm shy..... blah blah blah. My ideal way of meeting "the one" would be in an environment where you are not initially assessing the other single potential - cause in that case - both parties involved have high standards that they use to judge the other only on face value, everyone has their guard up, and sometimes either try to be someone they are not or only put their best foot forward only for that one time (sorta like a job interview - everyone is at their best behavior). Its when you get to know another person in a normal setting and not meaning to "assess the potential mate" then you get to see the real them, no prey or being preyed upon situation. Well thats my ideal anyhow.....

So I was thinking, maybe instead of trying out these "singles events" - Which so far I have learned to ---- despise!!!!!----maybe I should try to focus on expanding my circle - though that takes alot of work on my part. I went to a 'life coach' before (apparently the thing now a days)and she asked me about that aspect of my life and she said to me "So what are you doing to meet guys or other people?" I did not have an answer. She said "well I notice you are career oriented, you have to treat that other aspect of your life as if it is a career , you have to work at it just as hard" Who ever thought that finding your life mate would be this difficult?! I always thought that it should happen naturally, you know, somewhere along my journey of life the man of my dreams will be somehow be embedded in there and I will realize this when the time is right. I did not like the idea of having to actively search for him like a needle in a haystack. So then I was thinking, that I should have to do these singles things cause then, at least, I would have a right to bitch about being single ;p since I was at least trying. But now I am realizing that maybe the life coach was right - but she did not necessarily mean changing who I was and doing all the singles event things that I hate so much..... she just meant to actively work on your social life - meeting people how I prefer to and then at least I will have more chances of bumping into "the one". And not doing things only to have the sole purpose of meeting 'the one' but to do things because I like to and I enjoy them.

Anyhow - where was I before I got side tracked? Ah yes, the New Years singles party. VERy disorganized - most of the night my gfs and I were either waiting in line for the coat check (you think that they planned for 350 ppl they would have enough hangers for coat check) or then after that we spent most of the time in line again for a ticket- to go to yet another line that had the drinks!!!!! There were hardly any seats and no h'orderves - well, a friend of mine actually had to wrestle a server to get one spring roll! We ended up going to the restaurant beside the venue to get our drinks. So we spent 60$ to line up all night and listen to 80s music with seniors - ok ok not seniors, but men who where a good 20 yrs older than us! At one point another friend of mine said "thats it! I am staying single for ever!" The night played out just like any other night club ( see previous post) except though, they said an age range of late 20s to late 40s it should have said 50-ish and up (uh hello dad you there? ick!)
I am not only ranting about this age thing due to this one night... I have yet to tell about my adventures in Speed Dating too a while back ..... they should have called it Speed-Date-Your-Daddy or something. I digress....

I could go on about some men not being gentlemen anymore - as in bumping into you as they pass and not saying sorry or dancing so that they back into you so that I have to push back then all of a sudden there is this huge club brawl or something....ahem... not that that happened...or something like that , or something...ya (mental note must talk about this in the future too ;) ) or men introducing themselves by shaking your hand then wanting to kiss it - ick ! (Seriously, not impressive from a total stranger - there is a thing called - personal space - and that is definately an intrusion).....yes I could go on but I will leave it at that.... suffice to say I just dont like these so called singles events.....or maybe its just the singles events in T.O?

Ah we did try to keep an open mind... really we did!!! But the odds were stacked against us.... literally......

I have come to the conclusion that all singles event things are like this and I would - really would - for my new years resolution - like to stay away from things like this!

I just need more ideas in expanding my circle.....
sigh.

Despite all this mumbo jumbo ideal crap that I prolly wont follow after today (hehe) I just want to say: Hope this year will be extra wonderful for everyone with lots of happiness and Good Health! Happy New Year!

Hope in the oddest places....

2005-12-26T23:45:00.000-05:00

Last week I was talking to my patient. She is around her mid to late 70s. She says I am easy to talk to, she says I should charge her for also being her therapist ... that makes me laugh, but I'm glad she feels she can talk to me.

Anyhow, I mentioned going to a naturopathic Doctor myself for something and she mentioned to me:
"Well, you know what is a good cure for most things, hehe" she says with a smirk.
"Oh No! your not the only one who mentioned that too me! Thats too funny!" I say, not wanting her to finish her sentence, and laugh it off.
"Well. I'm telling you.... its true!" She insists
(Im thinking: Oh good gawd pleeeeeease dont tell me details of your sex life lady, first of all I dont want to hear it and second of all ..... you are in your 70s! and you are my patient! this is soooo wrong!)
But I did find it amusing and she is the kinda senior that is straight forward and very liberal but very tactful. So she goes on to continue...
"Ah you know....." She says thoughtfully
"there are those times when I feel myself getting old and I get down about it. I feel like...... you know what they say........ a flower that has lost its bloom, like life has faded away for me.....with all these problems I keep getting......" (she has Arthritis everywhere and is in pain most of the time and she walks with a cane)
"but then I think back..... you know if you ever find your true love that is the best thing you can ever have in life....I think back to my true love"
Because of how much I know about her life and our previous talks I mention "That wasnt your ex-husband was it?"
"No no not him..... I was in my 40s and this young man was ....... well lets just say he was too young to say" She explains
I burst out "OH MY!!!!" (as in - you go girl!) hehe " well you know what they say" I told her "women peak in their 40s and men peak in their 20s"
"Oh you said it!" She agrees. "oh he was my first love and I thought : oh no this cant be! And even my sister said : what on earth are you doing!?....but I took the jump..... I didnt care what others thought.....and let me tell you ....... I am very glad I did it.....we were so in love...he was wonderful ! And it was amazing too!" (ok this is when I laughed out loud with her and partly hoped that she would not go further into details)
And she didnt, she just re-iterated that in times when she was down now, she thinks of the chance she took on love long ago and does not regret her life and the way she lived it, and that at least, at one moment in time she was sooo happy, enough to bring her happiness now when she thinks back on it. I never asked how it ended. She did mention to me that she saw him again when she was with her grandson on the streetcar but decided to leave things as they were and not approach him.

Funny enough as this is, it kinda was nice to hear. Me, in my struggles with singledom, thinking sometimes that I have missed the boat, or that my time had come and passed and I missed alot of chances.... it kinda gives me hope .....(Mind you - the Ashton Kutshner and Demi Moore thing is not for me -- I find the whole situation with them alittle odd - but hey whatever works for them) ... And if this patient of mine found the love of her life not in her first husband but in her 40s
........then it gives me even just alittle tiny weeny bit of hope that I have yet to reach my peak in life myself....
Lets hope anyways.

Merry Christmas!!!!! (yesterday)

2005-12-26T23:05:00.000-05:00

Boy am I late.
Have not posted here in a while.
Just hope everyone had a very wonderful Christmas.

Despite the extended FAMILY get togethers with the mushy couples out there, all the married couples and cousins with their latest bfs or gfs that you meet ....... and then (for the single ones) all those uncles and aunts who ask unwanted questions and probings as to who you are with now(NO ONE!) that are meant as harmless questions yet seem as hard pokes in the eye..........

I am thankful for my family and good health.

When I look at some of my patients, I see widows, I see people who have no families, I see those single elderly people that were forgotten by their kids, those that think Christmas is just like any other day of their lives, the same and monotonous, or they see Christmases past which haunt them now since they cannot do things that they used to, I see torn up families, I see those in the street with no one, those with no food no shelter........
So I am reminded that I have alot to be Thankful for.... and those hard pokes in my eye dont seem to hurt as much at all.

I knew I should have taken Business 101

2005-12-10T09:37:00.000-05:00

With all those theories from people who have advice on which approach to dating works, advice to singles, how to find "the one" or your "soul mate", internet dating sites or the other dating sites that claim to match you up to the perfect one (haha) ----
there have been no sure-fire theories that work - or else we would all follow it, and the world would ONLY be filled with everyone having a "happy ever after" ending.........

On msn's page today something caught my eye... it actually made me laugh... yet I do find it interesting.....
with all my fumbling blindly around in the world of ... business, investing and money matters, trying to learn here and there, a little at a time, trying not to resist this topic which I find extremely boring - yet very important.............. I'm realizing that this gives me another reason to learn more about it!!

He is not serious is he?!

2005-12-09T08:56:00.000-05:00

My gf was telling me about her date last weekend. She was set up by people she knows. She already went out on a first date with the guy, lets call him J. After the first date he showed her off at a posh place he used to work and everything was free for them. He did not seem to show off about it, he seemed ok. He seemed like a real gentleman.

So last weekend was date # 2. He took her to a very expensive restaurant.
During dinner J says "You know, I only do this (eating out at expensive restaurants) for special occassions" (Um date #2 is a special occassion? Ok whatever)
He goes on to explain "I cant do this all the time you know..." HUH? What was that? What does he mean by that?! She never asked him to take her there! What a way to make her seem like a burdon on his pocket already....
To top off his wonderful tactfulness, at the end of the dinner he says "How much do you think that dinner costs?"
My gf is taken back, but answers the question " Uhhhhhh ohhhh wellll ..... maybe $130 or so?!?"
J "Yeah thats right, about $150 right?! - well, since I know the manager he only charged me $78! Isnt that great huh? Thats such a good discount, right?"
"Um Ya it is" my gf says feeling uncomfortable, guilty and very turned off.
What the?! Is he really serious??! Gah!

So many issues here.
The one I want to mention is that: its not so much how much a guy spends on a girl, (in fact I would rather not know)..but its how he treats her - makes her feel that she is worth going the extra mile for, not constantly reminding her how much he is doing for her as if it were a burdon! If he had more real tactfulness and was a sincere gentleman yet took her to East Side Marios, I think she would have been much more impressed with him.
Now, this being said, I know that not all gals think this way. There are the gold diggers that spoil the rest. But the average gal wants someone that makes her feel special, that is humble, not showing off, someone that treats her like a princess.
Before all this, I kept telling my gf what I want in a guy, I had a hard time explaining it. Im not a frivolous gal but in the end...
I want someone that treats me like a princess, that treats me as something he thinks is special, something that he wants to take care of, and someone genuine in his actions.
I still dont think that I explained it well but she kinda understood the point I was trying to make now that this happened.

(I know I may get some flack from those guys out there that say - well thats not reality or ya sure but if he was dirt poor you would not like him would you?!.......... but that is a totally different post to explain anyhow)

I think that if you listen closely and observe closely, you can tell those guys that just say things or do things only because they wanta "git wit ya" and those that are really, sincerely, into you.
Its not the actions only or the words only - its both.